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NEED ADVICE! The "Kids Talk"
My husband and I had the kids talk before we even got married and agreed that we wanted kids. We figured we wait a couple years and see how we feel, maybe wait 2 more. I don't want to say I've been pressuring him, but I have talked about it: how I can't wait, noticing cute baby clothes in department stores, talking about my cousins beautiful baby girl; and he always smiles.
I feel I need to give the background story that I have just recently been diagnosed with endometriosis, which can cause infertility. Yes, there are treatments, but as time goes on, surgeries lead to scar tissue which can also impare fertility. So, I mention to him that we may not want to wait too long, or we could miss our window.
Recently, we had our 2 year anniversary. And I guess he got to thinking about it all and told me he's not ready for kids. I said that was fine, we don't have to have them right away. Then he dropped it on me..."I don't think I'll ever be ready for kids." I played it cool, and told him no one is ever 100% ready for kids, but you weigh the pros and cons and take the plunge when your sure. He said he didn't think he'd ever want kids, that he likes it just being to 2 of us, and that he's afraid that I'm going to leave him now that I know. I couldn't help but cry, especially after the stressful workday I'd already had, and he cried, too.
So, now I just don't know what to do. We're 24, so we're still young, I know. But my case is different because I have a limited time to have babies. He knows this and he knows I've had fertility concerns for years. I want to be a mother so badly, but I don't want children unless there his, too. I love him so much. I just don't think I would be as happy with anyone else. What can I do??! 
Re: NEED ADVICE! The "Kids Talk"
You have 2 options...
1. wait and see if he changes his mind
2. leave now if children are more of a priority than your marriage. he changed the game and your future and you have every right to do the same with his.
do not try and talk someone to wanting a child....that is not the way to start a family. believe him if he is telling you no.
There are many options out there for you to be a mother, so you really need to cool it with the "I only have a limited time to have babies" nonsense. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh to you, but it's the truth. I struggled with infertility for 8 years and will finally give birth at the age of 40. And we looked at many other avenues before being blessed with our current donor embryo situation. We looked at IVF, Foster care, domestic and international adoption. If you want to be a parent, you can be and you don't have to experience pregnancy to do it.
To the issue at hand:
Kids are not a halfway proposition. I left my first husband because while he had told me when we married that he was open to children, in the end, he only wanted kids because I wanted them and he wanted to be with me. This became obvious when we encountered our fertility issues and had to face alternative options. I decided I needed to be with someone who wanted children as much as I did, whether they were biologically-related to us or not. It was one of the most difficult decisions of my life, but I felt like I would be giving up something if I stayed and I worried I would come to resent him for that.
You are still young, and so is your H. There are many reasons he may not feel ready for kids now and even feel like he won't ever be. He may change his mind in a few years, or he may not. But as mags said, you have to listen to what he is telling you now and go from there. You need to decide if this is a deal-breaker for you. And know that it's ok if it is.
I started my post the way I did because to anwer the question of whether or not this is a deal-breaker, you need to think about what aspect of parenting is important to you. Do you want to be pregnant? Or is being a mother no matter what more important? Do you need your children to be biologically yours? There is no universal right answer, but when you figure out what matters to you, it may help you to decide what the right answer is for your marriage.
You may...and you may not
you do not know what is possible and what isnt at this point....there are plenty of women with your medical issues that do go on to have children. A medical condition is not a reaosn to have a child.
but you are right your issue is staying or leaving..you are the only one that can decide that for you...
remember if you decide to stay and not have children you will regret him later on...say when you are 40 and CANT have children'
I'm with Mags on this one. You need to figure out what you want. If you and your DH are on two different pages, you have to consider what you want. Having children or staying in a childless marriage.
I also think at 24 you shouldn't rush into kids just out of fear that you may not be able to have kids in 5 or 10 years from now. Speak with a medical professional regarding this and also do some research. My sister was diagnosed with your medical condition and had two babies - one at age 35 and one at age 38.
Well - I honestly don't find it that surprising that a 24 year old man isn't ready for kids. I think it's the pretty rare one that is......the majority of fathers that age get that way by accident.
HOWEVER.......all you can do is listen to what he is saying NOW, and make your plans based on it. And right NOW, he is telling you that he doesn't want kids, ever.
So as posted above, you have 2 choices. You can either stay with him and accept that you will never be a mother, or you can file for divorce and look for a man who does want to be a father. Those are your only 2 choices.
It's no doubt going to be a difficult, gut-wrenching decision for you to make. Best of luck, and sorry that you are in this position.
I also have endometriosis. My husband and I have been struggling for 3 years to get pregnant. We started seeing a reproductive endocrinologist this past October, who diagnosed me with the condition and is preparing to perform a laparoscopy. My doctor has never mentioned that I only have a "limited time" to have children. He considers me to be young at 28 with lots of time to do treatments and figure things out. He has a lot of hope that once we do the lap, the condition will be manageable and I will be able to get pregnant without intervention. What treatments are you referring to that would leave you scar tissue? Also, if you can treat the endo, your cramps will be more tolerable and you wouldn't necessarily need a hysterectomy. Who told you that?
Most fertility treatments are somewhat affordable. IVF is not covered by my insurance, so we will probably never get there without having to take out a loan or something. Truthfully, if you want a child that bad, you will find a way to afford it. Plus, although this may sound harsh, children are expensive and if you can't afford the treatments, you may not be able to support a child.
Most importantly, your husband is telling you that he doesn't want kids. Like Mags said, you can either wait it out and see if he changes his mind, or you can cut your losses and find someone that does. It sucks that he changed his mind and it is most definitely a game changer. You have every right to be disappointed, upset and angry.
Normal bloodwork, HSG and S/A
Med Cycles #1-5: 50mg Clomid, Novarel trigger, TI and 2 IUI's--> all BFN's
April, May 2012: Natural Cycles, BFN's
Med Cycle #6: Follistim with trigger and IUI --> BFFN
Ovarian endometriosis discovered in July, treated with laparoscopy 8/3
September Siggy: Birthday Cake MARTINIS
Like the PP, you really only have 2 choices.
1. Stay and live in a childless marriage, or
2. File for divorce and start looking for another man that wants to have children.
I'm 25 and have endo as well. We aren't married yet, but we've had the talk about kids in the next 3-5 years. He asks me daily how I'm feeling since the pain can be excruciating. But I'm muddling through it. My thing is, the busier I am the less I think about it and the less I wonder "are we going to be able to have kids". We aren't getting married until next summer so we have time. But we can't wait to have kids, but we want to plan for it, we don't want it to "oops" and not be able to afford diapers, etc. Mainly since we just bought a house in March and we want to get settled in and we are paying for our wedding ourselves, so that's another $$. Our goal is to start trying and if we have difficulties we will go from there.
You can't live your life in the "what if" it's only going to cause you more pain and stress with not knowing. So again like everyone else you have 2 options...stay with your husband or leave. Either way you have to make the decision.
If you're not working, he is the only one bringing home income, right? That is a huge responsibility and I can understand why at his age, that would scare him. I also think you need to talk to your doctor's Mom. Making blanket assertions like, "I have endo so I only have a limited amount of time to get pregnant" and "I'll probably have a hysterectomy before I'm 40" are legitimate concerns if a doctor has said they're likely. I think once you get a handle on the reality of your diagnoses you'll be better able to make an intelligent decision together.
It sounds like he is thinking through this rationally and you are going with emotions. He's right that a baby will limit your free time and $ significantly. If he's telling you that he can't handle that right now DO NOT FORCE A BABY ON HIM. It will only hurt your relationship and your child. It sounds like your DH has a good head on his shoulders. If he's worried about finances and time, but is willing to compromise, you need to compromise too. A way to bring in some $ or something.
Look, when you wrote this, it felt like the end of the world for you. I get that, really. In that light, perhaps "nonsense" was a bit harsh, but with the perspective of my experience, you're post came across as much more melodramatic than it needed to be. The point I was trying to make (perhaps I did it poorly) was that you are holding yourself, and your H, to a timeline built on your own fears and not necessarily facts that have been substantiated by medical professionals whose job it is to treat conditions such as yours.
As others have pointed out to you, endometriosis is not the end of the world when it comes to one's ability to conceive, be it spontaneously or with medical assistance. You need to talk to your doctors in more depth to truly understand your condition and your options for childbearing. Should you need medical intervention (I understand that sometimes the scarring is such that IVF is the only option) check into your H's insurance policy to understand what is covered. There are some states that mandate coverage for infertility treatments.
The last thing I will say is that while I'm glad you talked to your H and he now understands how important this is to you, I am still concerned that you have only delayed dealing with this. In your last post you still say you're determined to be a mother by 30 and that means he has five years to deal with it. You are still stuck on arbitrary timelines. Part of being an adult is recognizing that life is what happens while you're busy making your plans and sometimes you need to adjust those plans.
And BTW, while it's nice to think "if he loves me, he'll love our babies" it isn't always the whole story. A partner who has children for the sake of their spouse may love those children, but it doesn't mean they won't come to resent them for the obligations they create, personally and financially. (It doesn't mean they will, to be fair.) And that can be a very difficult situation to deal with.
I hope everything works out the way you want it to...
ERRRRR!!!! WRONG!!!!!!
Now your immaturity is showing, badly. No, he won't love your babies just because he loves you........ask one of the millions of single mothers raising their children on their own.
Children/parenthood is actually one of the biggest causes of marital unhappiness. It's true. And if one parent isn't 100% on board with being a parent, the resentment and unhappiness is exponentially multiplied. So even if that parent doesn't leave, they're still miserable and likely detached from the rest of the family. Yeah, great environment to raise a child in.
Love is important, but there are a lot of other things that are equally important in parenthood. Grow up a little bit, stop sounding like a Teen Mom drop-out.
Oh, honey, no. There's so much no here, I can't even begin to decipher it. You can't talk someone into wanting to be a parent. In a lot of ways, having children is a bigger commitment than marriage. Trust me on that one. I love my husband, but I have been stuck with him for life for the past three weeks (which is precisely how old our son is). If I ever decided to leave DH, I could never leave our child, and that knowledge can make a lot of difference in a relationship.
It's a nice idea that once you have babies that your husband will become the type of person who falls all over himself to love on them. Love is important, but it's not the most important thing. Being wanted (genuinely, deeply wanted by both parents) is up there too. And I can tell you from my extremely limited experience that there's so much more that goes into being a parent than love.
The best piece of relationship advice I ever got came from my grandmother, who said, "When a man tells you who he is, believe him." Your husband is telling you who he is. Yes, he MIGHT change his mind in five years, but if I were you I wouldn't be holding my breath on that. The big question for you is- are you willing to deal with a situation where you have a child with a man who resents you because you talked him into a situation he didn't want and resents your child for simply existing? Because that's equally likely to happen if you talk your husband into this.
Your husband told you what he wanted, you need to accept that. Do not bring children in to a world where the father does not want to be a father.
Like others said, get over it and accept it. Or leave him. Simple enough.