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Wedding card address only to my husband
Yesterday I went out to get the mail and there was a card addressed to my husband of one week. When I handed it to him he seemed pleasently surprised and told me it was from a pen pal friend of his. The woman wrote that she couldn't think of anyone mmore deserving and she wished him all the best, and signed her name with love.
My husband and I met on an on-line dating site. I lived in Florida, he in Arkansas. My daughter was 18 and I was ready for a new life and open to relocation. I knew that my husband had romantic encounters with other women from the site and traveled out of his state to meet them, even the state of Florida, and had even visited my home town with one of them. This is how it works with on-line dating, sometimes you have to travel and even relocate to meet "the one." He and I are both teacher for children with special needs and single parents trying to do the best by our children and really connected on many levels. We spent many hours on the phone and e-mailing one another before we met face to face. We fell in love very quickly last November and were married on July 14th.
The return address on the envelope was from Florida. I asked my husband who this person was and if they were romantically linked. He told me no an gave me alook as if I shouldn't be asking. he then told me he talked to a lot of women before he met me and that is the past. I mentioned i saw the return address and was just curious as to who she was since she had our address. He went on to tell me she had an autistic kid and he was there to listen to her, but he didn't stop there. He told me she told him how handsome he is and that she wished she could relocate. Without further inquiry from me he continued to talk and told me she went out and got drunk one night and called him and told him she wished he was there. He said that was all in the past now and he liked lots of women and wanted to meet lots of women but I was the only one that could move. That last comment made me feel like like the consolation prize. I was and am still today hurt.
I question the appropriateness of this woman sending a card addressed only to my husband. ALL other cards we received were addresed to Mr. & Mrs. regardless of whether the person knew one or both of us. Why would a person my husband met on a dating site take the time to go out and send him a card and sign it with love? By the way, I checked and they are friend on Face Book, so I believe that is how she found out about the wedding. Why not just say congratulations on FB like other acquaintances?
Am I being too sensitive after all the wedding stress?
Re: Wedding card address only to my husband
"He said that was all in the past now and he liked lots of women and wanted to meet lots of women but I was the only one that could move."
Forget the card - the real problem here is that your husband is an insensitive clod. What in the hell was he thinking with this?! This isn't meant as an insult, but in general is he... you know, kinda... slow?
I would be very upset. I got married a little over a year ago, and I remember only receiving one card not addressed to us both - it was from a family member of his, who basically just doesn't approve of me because we have different religions. It was completely upsetting and uncalled for.
Your husband seems like the type of person who says, and appreciates, blunt things. Maybe you should say straight up, "This makes me uncomfortable, and I can't believe you'd make me feel like a consolation prize. Was moving your only requirement?"
I am sorry. I think sometimes men need a double filter before they talk about the past with us.
Ordinarily I wouldn't find this unnerving -- this could be a one time only thing where this person sent a card and then she vanishes into the mist and he doesn't contact her -- but what I find unnerving is that it looks like too many women on that site know him far too well. Ugh...she wished she could relocate?
I don't know if your H is in touch with any of these women at this point but if he is, he needs to STOP. he's now a married man and there is no further use in his staying in contact with them.
As far as the card goes - eh, whatever. She doesn't know proper etiquette. Whatever. That really has absolutely nothing to do w/ your DH. He can't control who sends him cards, what they write in them, or how they address them.
I wouldn't read into this aspect of the situation.
However, where I would be concerned is his comment about how you were the only one who would move, and what kind of contact is he keeping up w/ all these women he's met online? His "look" that you shouldn't be asking more? Um.... not cool.
All these women need to be in the past. And if he isn't willing to put them there, then I'd probably be questioning my relationship with him.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
2. The "with love" doesn't bother me at all. People write it all the time. I've written it to friends plenty of times (male and female).
3. You're right, she could have written "CONGRATULATIONS!" on his FB wall, but maybe she wanted to send something personal. i.e. a handwritten note.
4. "only one that could move" --- uhhh --- You really need to sit down and have a talk with YH.
the card shouldnt be the issue. He cannot control what is sent to him.
My issue would be that he told you "you were the only one who could move"....while that may be the absolute truth, there was no reason to say it in the matter that would make you feel as you do...a consolation prize.
All of this.
He needs to block them on his facebook page. They shouldn't be readily avaialbe for him to contact or vice versa.
And you are totally justified in your feelings.