Married Life
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Hs and Pregnancy
My H and I just got married in June. We've been together almost 6 years and know that we want children. We do plan on waiting 1.5-2 years to try (H will have his MA next spring and will have a job lined up). He tells me that he does not want to be in the delivery room when I have a baby because he doesn't want to see me in pain. I get that, but part of me does want him there. I would not want him to be traumatized by it though.
Those of you who have kids, were your husbands in the delivery room with you? How did it go? I'm wondering if I can convince him that it would be a good experience. 
Re: Hs and Pregnancy
My husband wanted to be there and wanted to be all up in the action. I for one wanted him there but I didn't want him anywhere past my neck. This was all before physically giving birth. During it all I didn't give a sh*t about anything except getting our daughter out and holding her so he ended up getting his way. But it all went great and I would have gone insane if it wasn't for him
He might regret not being there for you. This is a huge moment and he needs to be there every step of the way. Women all over do this on a day to day basis. And while there are risks..majority of the women come out just fine. So he just needs to man up in my honest opinion.
So, you're suppose to be in there alone with nurses? Unless your husband is deployed or seriously ill why would he not be there for you and your child? Not every birth is perfect and you'll need someone to talk to and someone to advocate for you if needed. Men are on the outside looking in until that point, I would think once you are pregnant he would get that.
FWIW during the course of your future pregnancy he'll see you in pain, uncomfortable, tired, etc. At appointments he'll see all sorts of things. I will never forget the look on DH's face when we went in for an internal u/s.
Baby Boy loved for 15 weeks, 5/31/11
Baby Girl loved for 16.5 weeks. 3/1/12
Heh. My husband doesn't really want to be in the delivery room either.
My initial reaction? Oh hell no; you'll be there.
My current reaction? Okay. I tend to be a lot stronger in medical situations when it's just me and a doctor/nurse anyway.
I have no qualms for myself about being alone for the pushing part (he'll be there for labor). But, I have concerns for him. I want him to hear and see his baby cry for the first time. I'm worried he'll regret not being there for it.
But truthfully, I realize that how we feel now might not be how we feel in the moment or might become a moot point (my sister had an emergency C-section under general - her husband met the baby alone in the hallway and she met her several hours later).
If he's truly uncomfortable, he might not be a big help anyway. I'm basically keeping an open mind about the whole situation.
Before I became pregnant and during the first half of my pregnancy my husband asserted that he didn't want to be in the delivery room. He's one of those guys where the sight of blood will make him violently throw up. He couldn't even watch me get an IV started. It's like a weird fear of his. When I was having morning sickness and he'd come in to help, he'd usually end up throwing up at the sight of everything.
Well, at our 20 week scan when they told us we were having a little girl, he was overcome with emotions. He was always supportive before but after that he wanted to go out and buy her furniture and get everything ready for her. He said that's when it really became REAL to him. He is now insisting that he will be in the delivery room supporting me. He even said he'd hold her and touch her right away before they clean any gunk off of her. He can't wait for her to be born now. So you never know. Your husband may change his mind.
My husband didn't want to be in the delivery room. I told him too bad, I don't want to push a baby out of my vagina but I'm doing it for both of us.
Then he passed out cold during the VIDEO of the epidural needle at birthing class and I started to wonder if he was right. We decided he'd be there but would not look at anything past my neck.
Yeah right. I had a long, horrible, complicated delivery and he was there every step of the way. Encouraging me, speaking up for me when I couldn't, holding my leg and watching our son be born. No regrets now and he didn't even pass out!
I wouldn't worry too much yet. You're not even TTC. I found that a lot of assumptions about how I thought we would react to aspects of pregnancy and birth were just wrong. When you're in the situation, it's a completely different deal than talking about a theoretical child.
The responses in this thread are very interesting me. Decades ago, men were never in the delivery room and that was fine. Now, men are pushed into the delivery room whether they like it or not. It's odd to me that society dictates what the man should do and not the man and wife themselves.
While I understand that it takes two to make a baby, I don't support forcing a man into the delivery if he really and truly does not want to be there. I can get help and support from other people in my life. And, while he's my husband, he is also male. He's never had a uterus, felt a contraction, or carried the knowledge his whole life that he'll have to push a baby out. It's something that is inherently female. Of course he can support me, but he can't relate. In something so powerful as birth, I want someone who can relate to me. But this is me. Support comes in many forms and is different for each woman.
Several years ago, I read a book called "Birth" and it discussed birthing practices from medieval times up through present day. It was enlightening about how perceptions about birth have changed. There's evidence that having a husband in labor and delivery is detrimental to labor progressing for someone women and is helpful for others. There really is no one-size fits all, here.
I think this is really and truly a personal choice for the mother and father of the baby. I hate the present-day knee-jerk reaction of "He'll be there."
H and I don't have kids yet but he knows when the time comes he's holding my hand while I squeeze the life out of it whether he likes it or not. I'm not going to make a baby on my own so I'm not going through L&D on my own. So tell your H to man up and support you unless he wants to carry the child for 9 months and then push it out of his own body instead.
IMO just because men didn't use to be in the delivery room back in the day has no baring on present day societal norms. Back in the day women did 100% of child rearing so why would it matter if the men were involved in L&D? Times have changed for the better at least in this regard.
Well, I won't want to be there either but that is not a choice I get to make. I have no problem when the H and W decide that the H does not have to be there, but if the W says he better be there, he better be there. Why should he get to wimp out? because he can? Not havin' it.
I did not need my husband in there for the epidural... I had my mom for that, but he was sure as hell in there for my 3 hours of pushing and held one of my legs when the nurse needed a break. He still reminds me of how gross the afterbirth was, but the memory of looking into our son's eyes when he was seconds old was priceless for him.
Do what feels best for your family, but when the moment arrives, I wouldn't be surprised if he is right there with you.
We don't have children, but when we do, if he doesn't want to be in the room - this would be my response! Love it
Wait, what? What does this even mean??