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Spoiled Husband
Hello Everyone,
I just wanted to get some advice on my situation between me and my husband of almost a year. H was raised completely different then I was, in a rich family getting whatever he wants, he also worked for his Dads company for years so any time off he wanted he got and still got paid for it, sometimes months at a time. I was raised in a lower middle class family, worked since I was 14, and moved out at 16 and supported myself throughout school without much help from my family.
Long story short, FIL shut down the business and H was off work for 7 or 8 months deciding what he wanted to do. When he finally went back to work it was for a job that doesn't make great money but it was something he really enjoys. However, I got a job at this time at a higher pay and we are able to live comfortably, we have a small farm, new vehicles with no payments and we are putting away for our future. We also can afford to go away each year for a vacation.
BUT H is always complaining that we don't have enough money, that he feels like he can never buy anything without feeling guilty or take time off like he used too. I always tell him he is being silly, we have enough money to live comfortably right now and not many people our age can take a whole month off an afford to live without dipping into savings. I don't know if he is upset that I make more money than him or honestly doesn't think our life is comfortable, and it makes him seem like a spoiled brat to me! I really wish there was some way he could see how it is to really not have any money. Also, whenever I come home with a new bonus or a higher pay I feel like he isn't excited for us and he always talks about how he needs to find a better paying job (and I always tell him he enjoys his job, makes enough and that we should be thankful we have jobs when many people dont) Anyone have any advice on how to deal with this? Should I just ignore the comments on his part?
Re: Spoiled Husband
It sounds like he has always gotten his way and has done little work to "earn" money. I think he is being dramatic. My husband comes from a family that lived below the poverty line and has always had to work hard. He has gotten his education and a good job without the help of his family.
I don't think you should ignore his comments. I think you should tell him to quit his bitching and man up. It's time for him to put his big boy pants on. Life will not always be a cake walk and there will be times when he must sacrifice what he wants for what his family needs.
Well, people who were raised wealthy do seem like spoiled brats to those who were raised lower middle class, just like people who were raised lower middle class seem like they're always one frivolous expenditure away from disaster to people who were raised wealthy. It's not right or wrong - it's just different.
That applies to your current lifestyle, too. From your perspective, you've moved up in the world. Your finances are better than they've ever been, you feel comfortable with the amount of discretionary money you have, and overall your lifestyle has improved.
The same cannot be said for your husband, and again, it's not that he's wrong - it's that his lifestyle truly is crappier than it was before. His finances are worse than they've ever been, he has less discretionary money than he ever has and is justifiably uneasy about it, and his position at work is less secure than it felt when working for the family. You're completely wrong in giving him a modified "starving kids in Africa" line about why he should be happy that his lifestyle is suckier than it has ever been in his life.
Overall, understanding that you don't have to have the same perspective is key here.
I agree with some of the stuff that the other ladies are saying, but I wanted to offer up something that my make the "feeling guilty when he spends" thing a little better. I've found that I sometimes feel guilty for spending (thanks a lot Mom and Dad...) but making a budget REALLY helps for me. That way, I have a set amount that I can spend, that I'm "supposed" to spend, and I don't have to do the guilt thing. I have the money set aside and planned for, and it's all okay.
I have a category for the boring stuff (like food and transportation), and then also an amount for Entertainment, one for "Love" (we decided that a budget to support our marriage was a good idea), and a Miscellaneous budget, for random things (like HH's food dehydrator). It takes away some of the guilt.