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A little money help?
I usually post on a different board, but Im kinda having a little problem with my DH. I DO love him and through our 2 pregnancy losses he has been extremely supportive and loving. He is a great guy and we are a lot alike except for in the money department. I'm extremely frugal and he can spend and spend away. From what I have read this isn't uncommon and can be work through so I really don't want anyone to say divorce. I don't think he realizes how much he spends on things and how quickly they add up.
To begin when I met DH he was in some serious debt and owned a lot of "toys". When we moved in together it was extremely tight but DH sold everything to be able to be more comfortable. He has sold almost everything (on his terms) except for 2 "toys". I know he's proud of himself for getting out of debt and not letting it get out of control. After this was taken care of we have gotten married. Things have been great expect for a few accounts.
My frustration firstly is when my husband's truck had damage done from a storm he got insurance money to fix the damage. We drove out of state to buy a after market ranch bumper. Well we didn't receive the check so DH discussed taking money out of savings to pay for it and when we got the check we would return it. Well that was about a month and a half ago and although the insurance company has messed it up my husband hasn't been persistent and on top of faxing and calling ect. A month in a half is extremely excesive to me. I have told him a few times to "keep up on it" and that it hurts my feelings because it seems as thought as soon as he get what he wants he drops the ball. And the excuse that he's busy isn't a good one because he works full time but does not lift a finger in our home ( I go to school full time and take care of the home because I enjoy doing it, and I know he is covering all of the bills at the moment). Also throwing in that the savings money was mostly from my money saved. To add on top of that the bill for gas, room and food was more than we had in our checking account to go get the bumper ( I honestly didn't look because I trusted that he knew we had enough money) and then when I looked at our checking account we had very little until next pay day.
Also had to get a new truck because he messed with stuff on his old truck but he couldn't afford to spend 5 grand on a new transmission. Part of the agreement with the new truck was to not put anything after market on the motor and leave it stock. Well he didn't do that and apparently that voids the warranty and he could be paying OOP for all costs. The new truck has also been acting funny and over heating.
I hate to nag at him but Im at the point of almost giving him a dead line and then telling him Im posting the bumper for sale. He also wants to buy more tires for the truck that he doesn't really need at the moment when we have a vehicle that needs to be fixed and it has just sat there for also a month and not gotten fixed. Its not a main vehicle that we drive daily but a "grocery, saves miles on our nice cars kind of vehicle".
I have told him its ok to want things and buy things but we need to save up for them in a responsible way. There are many things I want but haven't gotten because I didn't want to take it out of saving. When I start working which will be in about 5-6 months I don't want this to be out of control and paying a rediculous amount for all these "extras". Im going to have a talk with him tonight but just don't know what to say anymore or how to get it through his head. I guess he needs to fall fast and hard. What do I do and what do I say anymore? I feel like he knows he's wrong but its not enough to shape him up and for him to get on the ball.
Re: A little money help?
When he was single, another story. Now that he is married, he's got to get it that you and he are a team and the BOTH of you decide together on nearly every issue/problem/idea that comes up during your marriage.
I think it would be prudent to see if the new truck is a lemon. It shouldn't be overheating if it is nearly new.
And I think that one of the "Toys" should be sold. Why does he need 2 of them???
It is essential that you and he be on the same page with everything, particularly finance issues. He can't spend and spend like he's still single and that he had a good chunk of debt when he was single isn't good. I'd have been especially wary of marrying somebody who already racked up debt and not "good" debt, like a student loan.
He's got to be on the same page with you. You're not his mother, his gatekeeper, his financial planner or his handler: you're his wife. The 2 of you need to equal partner. GL.
I agree with Tarpon 100%. You need to be on the same page financial, as it causes a lot of problems in relationships. I lived with my ex bf and he was the same way you described your H's actions. I took matter into my own hands and created a separate account so that I knew I had the money set aside to pay the rent, grocery, insurance, etc. In the long run, the financial issues was the primary reason we fought all the time.
But now it's 4 years later and I'm getting married in about 13 months...we just bought a house. Now we both work full time and I am finishing up my masters program. The financial aspect of our relationship is that we have sep accts until we get married. We split everything equally and if we are going for a big purchase we set money aside and do it responsbily because we don't want to overextend ourselves. I think that because we have a mortgage and two new cars, and I have student loans to pay off we are on top of the money. We talk about it and I'm open with him if I have concerns that maybe we should hold off our next project (last time he went to Lowe's for deck stain and he came back with about $350 of stuff), etc. Now this was a bill I wasn't expecting and I told him that next time give me a heads up.
I think one of the big things that helps us so much with this is that we are open with communication. That's key and it sounds like your husband is a) not listening and b) in the mindset that he's the bread winner so he can do whatever with his $$. Talk it out and go see a counselor. If you are struggling now and you are trying to start a family then you need to be on the same page.
The whole truck accessory shenanigans is something you'll have to deal with on its own merit.
The whole "my money" issue is something that you are going to need to work out between the two of you. There is no one right way for couples to manage their finances. Considering that you appear to be polar opposites in that camp suggests to me that you need to sit down (possibly with a third party) and hash out out the household funds are spent.
I agree with the deleted parts of this post but if the OP's H has modified the truck with any of about a thousand aftermarket accessories, lemon law will not come to play. And frankly, odds are that monkeying around with bulldog chips (or whatever) probably caused the problem in the first place.