Sex & Romance
2012FutureMrsB
member
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Kind of a let-down, but I'll get over it
Last weekend, I surprised DH with a night of pampering. I gave him a home-pedicure, massage, and more 
He's not really the romantic type, so I've accepted that, although I do enjoy an occasional surprise now and then. So the other day, he came home and as we sat down to dinner, he said he had a surprise for me after dinner!
He's not really the romantic type, so I've accepted that, although I do enjoy an occasional surprise now and then. So the other day, he came home and as we sat down to dinner, he said he had a surprise for me after dinner! I was really excited b/c I LOVE surprises and was hoping it was something similar to what I did for him last weekend (although I wasn't expecting it to be that grand). So after getting excited and anticipating this surprise, he goes and gets me 2 bite-sized reeses cups that he brought home from work . . . apparently this was our dessert.
And that was the extent of the surprise. Hmmmmm . . . .
ETA: . . . and the hard thing about it was that he was genuinely looking forward to giving me chocolate (b/c he knows I love chocolate) and it didn't even occur to him that I might want a little more than chocolate 
So I decided to be grateful and not look disappointed.
So I decided to be grateful and not look disappointed.
Re: Kind of a let-down, but I'll get over it
Kudos to you for being grateful and recognizing that even though it was just a couple reeses, he was thinking of you and went out of the way to do something nice. It may not be the dream evening but it's surely a step in the right direction! Continue to show appreciation when he does those small things so he'll keep doing them, and maybe more. Who knows what other surprises he may have in store for the future!
In the mean time, keep on that track of positive thinking/reinforcement, do something nice for yourself, maybe a message or mani/pedi of your own at a salon?
You said yourself he's not the romantic type. You knew who you were marrying, and I think that him going to the trouble of TRYING to be romantic is very sweet.
You sound really selfish expecting something bigger then that. You should be happy he thought of you. ACTUALLY happy, not "I'll pretend to be grateful so I don't hurt his feelings".
Also, you shouldn't do romantic things for your husband and then sit there expecting something back, being selfless for your spouse is a beautiful gesture and romantic in itself. If you do things expecting to get something back, your probably going to feel a lot of disappointment...
KayJ88, Um, obviously you didn't read my post. Of course I knew this when I married him, that's why I said I've accepted it. I never said I wasn't happy. And I never said I was expecting anything in return. It didn't even occur to me that he might do something in return until he actually said he had a "surprise" for me. And I even noted that I wasn't expecting anything nearly as grand as what I did for him.
You do know how to read, right? Please don't try to "read between the lines" and make up crap that I didn't say. How is it selfish of me to be grateful for his thoughtfulness? I WAS actually grateful. I wasn't pretending. I had to make a conscious choice to be grateful, but I wasn't pretending.
Marie,
Thank you! I just might do my own pedi this weekend. I do that regularly anyway, so that's why I did it for DH b/c he's never had that done and I have all the supplies
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I love him dearly, but sometimes he doesn't "get" me - we've only been married 6 1/2 weeks, so we're still learning. It's getting better everyday and I am very thankful for him!
binzy,
Ok, that's just your opinion and I welcome opinions, although I don't have to agree with it. He's def not gay, lots of straight guys LOVE pedicures (trust me, they just don't talk about it), and he's got more hair on his chest than a grizzly bear. And they love massages too.
Men have feet. Feet feel good in hot water and scrubbed and massaged. Men have back muscles. Muscles feel good when they're rubbed down. It doesn't matter if you have a penis or not, it still feels good.
And I highly doubt that the gay men reading this would appreciate your comment that "real" men are straight men.
Newsflash: getting a massage doesn't make you gay. Or a pedicure. A pedicure doesn't necessarily mean painting your toenails pink, but there's nothing wrong with a dude that wants feet that aren't full of calluses or jagged untrimmed toenails. Besides, who are you to tell OP what her husband likes/
This definitely dwindles down my hope for humanity.
1) anyone with a penis is a "real" man.
2) some men don't even grow chest hair, and if you want your man to be a caveman that's YOUR opinion.
3) what should she have done, went to the kitchen to make him a sandwich like it sounds like you do? not all women are unthoughtful. OP took her DH's feelings into account and tried to do something for him she thought he would enjoy.
Back off.
I would like to suggest that you guys read The Five Love Languages together. The book talks about how we each communicate love and how we receive love. Sounds like you like to show your love through "acts of service". What you may not have considered is that may not be how your husband receives love. He may be doing a hundred things for you to show his love for you, but you may not be receiving it. Figuring out which languages each of you are and how each of you receives love can help you maximize the love each of you feels from one another.
http://www.5lovelanguages.com
Figure this stuff out early and you can avoid a lot of hurt feelings.
DaringMiss,
Yeah, we've read the book! I've had it for awhile and I bought one for DH when we were engaged. We talked about our love languages - his is acts of service, which is why I knew he would love what I had planned for him.
But mine is more quality time and also touch. Gifts are my lowest, so I don't think he really thought about that with his surprise. Now that you mention it, I think this is actually why I felt let down - not b/c it wasn't sweet, but b/c it wasn't my love language.
I totally forgot about this. I should def bring it up with him. I won't discuss the chocolates b/c I don't want him to feel bad, but we can discuss our love languages again - thanks for the advice!
I totally understand. Completely! My DH tries really hard, but he's just not great at romance. I have learned that our ideas of romance aren't the same. I think of grand jestures and he shows me his romantic side by cleaning the whole house, or making dinner for me, or taking something off my plate. I have come to see how romantic that really is. When I want the fairy tale romance, I tell him I need a little extra and he gets that.
It can be frustrating, but at least he's on the right track with that chocolate! DH did something similar the other day by surprising me with M&Ms!
It can be hard with situations like that. I like to suprise my husband with his favorite dinner, or tickets to a game, or something big. Those are the surprises I tell him about. I still do little surprises, I just don't tell him because I don't want to get his hopes up too much. Unfortunately, he'll get me all excited about a surprise, to the point of even giving hints...and it'll be something like that, a candy bar, or he found my hat I'd been looking for. I don't think it makes you selfish to be a little let down - your surprises were very different!
Mostly, it's just great that you can look on the bright side and appreciate that he's trying. Maybe you should try giving small surprises to him, it's possible that's more his style anyway. Then you can make a whole week out of the really big surprise
Clearly I can read so we shouldn't start getting petty. But I seriously feel like there is a big difference between just BEING grateful and having to make a concious effort to be grateful. I would be over the moon happy if my husband said he had a surprise for me and brought me home candy.
You may not be a selfish person, I just felt this post made you come across as selfish. And I didn't have read between the lines when you stated you did this big gesture for him and all you got were reeses.