DH and the constant reminder...

Erinm278

I should start by saying that my DH is wonderful.  He does a lot around the house and is always willing to help.  Our household chores are split up 50/50 and it works for us. But!...I'm thinking DH is already having memory problems!  I will ask him to do something simple like, please take the garbage out, please take some chicken out of the freezer for dinner, please feed the dog...and about 80% of the time he completely forgets.  I know he isn't doing it on purpose because later I will ask him if he did it and he will sounds upset that he forgot.

Anyway, it is really starting to annoy me because a couple days ago he left perishable food on the counter all day and it went bad.  So, I have resorted to writing him very kind reminders. 

Does anyone have a similar problem?  What do you do to kindly and gently remind DH without making him feel like you're barking orders?

nsfw

Erinm278:

But!...I'm thinking DH is already having memory problems!

Time to put him in a home and find yourself a trophy husband.

toothpastechica

Hahaha This is reminicent of a million conversations with H about what  he agreed to do around the house. To be fair he is working more then me right now, so its hard for me to not feel guilty about pushing the issue, but if we have company coming then I do push it and he is happy to help.

H is constantly leaving food out. IN the past 2 weeks (probably more because its been so hot so when he leaves it out it goes FAST or the ants get it)  I have had to throw out a whole package of bacon, a 17$ block of cheese, milk, sour cream, guacamole.....hmmm.

 How do you remind him? I usually ask him to reemberse me out of his account so I can go buy it again (we have a joint account, but also have seperate accounts for our own spending money). With chores, maybe set a day or time of day that you both are going to do chores or a chore at the same time, so then he doesnt feel like you are nagging him, but its just chore time and thats it? My H likes lists (told me when we were still dating that he doesnt notice when things need to get done, so give him a list of what needs to be done, and he will do it. He actually works really well that way, but at the same time I don't take advantage of him or try and get him to do more then half), but I know most don't. Talk to your H about what HE thinks might help him remember...

sgautschi

My DH has the same problem. I notice it more when he is stressed from work, or during the school semester. I will try to remind him no more than three times, then if he still forgets I just end up doing it. It really just depends. It's frustrating for me too, but I find that it's more fair that I help him out when he's stressed than worry about 50/50 chores. Usually during the school year, I take on about 80-90% of the chores because he works full time and goes to school 2-4 times a week right after work.

I would sit down with your DH during a time there are little to no distractions, and ask him what would work for him. My DH said to try notes, so I did, and that didn't help, so we sat down again and he realized that I wasn't just nagging, and that it really was a memory problem on his part. If you are able to make him see that you are trying everything, then maybe he'll come around. My DH has been really good about remembering lately, but I know with the school semester right around the corner that I will be having to pick up some slack, but that's what us wives do.

cndycne2005

My husband can be quite forgetful as well.  Maybe not quite 80% of the time, but it does happen.  My way of reminding him of things is to simply send a text (and if he doesn't answer after a while, I call) or leave little notes on the door or computer, where I know he'll see them.  And I always say please and thank you (and of course the occasional I Love You).  Not only becuase it usually makes him more willing to do it, becuase it doesn't sound like I'm giving orders, but because I think it's only right and courteous to say please and thank you when I ask someone do something, even my own husband. 

lindsaycarol

It's a man thing! Their brains don't have a complex interstate system, it's more like a two-lane country road. My hubby left two frozen pizzas in the car, they were on a great sale and our easy weeknight dinner... I usually just have to "ask" him 2 or 3 times, and play like I'm the one that is forgetting. It's working for us!

MrsDcamacho

I have discovered the stinky note and it is a beautiful thing lol. I put them on his closet door or near where he puts his ball cap so he cant miss them. Oh and this mind sound bossy but i ask him to pause his game when I ask him to do something so I have his full attention. Best of luck!

Kimbus22

I am no help.

I found an open tub of hummus in the bread drawer.

mcskatcat

What I've said to my DH is to do something right away if I ask.  He is the same way - he'll say he's going to get to it, but then he completely forgets.  Without nagging, maybe suggest to him that if you ask him to do something, do it ASAP so he doesn't forget?  

foxrider1693

Totally is a man thing. At least in my experience, dealing with my H, dad, granddad and uncles, they all just simply forget. I do not know why. My H gets mad at himself when he does forget.

 

Like these past two weeks, he's forgotten to take the trash out on trash day. So we have two weeks' worth of trash outside our house stinkin' it up! lol Most the time it's no biggie. Few times he forgot to pay a bill and that didn't make me a happy camper. lol 

Erinm278

Thanks everyone!  Dh has gotten better at not leaving perishables out to spoil lol!  I talked to him about the problem and he said he doesn't mind if I leave him sticky note reminders.  He doesn't see it as a nag and he said he knows he has been really forgetful.  I also agree with a PP about helping out more when his work schedule is more demanding.  We both work fulltime, but sometimes his job is a lot more stressful.  I have no problem picking up the slack at home so he can relax a little more!

rakle99

Are you asking him to do all these things at once? I can only ask my husband to do one thing at a time, or he won't remember to do any of it. I also make sure I have his undivided attention when I ask him something. Men can't multitask like women can; my husband cannot remember what I say when he is paying attention to something else.

margot209

If it's that much of a problem, making lists is probably a good idea.  I used to feel pushy giving him a "to-do" list, but he was totally cool with it, and says it helps him a lot. 

expats14

I'm a total list-needer.  Fiance is amazing with being able to go to the store and remember everything he needs for a 20-item recipe.

He then sends me across the street for eggs, toilet paper, and milk (I'm not working right now, I'm in school while he's working), and I'll remember toilet paper, butter, and apples.

 Seriously, make the man lists.  I feel better when I have them.  That way I know that I got everything done, and I can get at it in an organised manner.

 

P.S.  Regarding the hummus in the drawer: I lost the tea kettle this morning for an hour.  I had put it in the fridge because my brain was so overwhelmed with too much to do and trying to organise it without writing it down! Whoops! 

kaseykins

my husband might not do everything that I ask. but I don't make it a big deal. Its not like you can't do whatever it is that you ask of him. plus if he does help out around the house I don't see it as a big issue. just relax. if he sat around the house all day and did nothing then I could see a potential problem and maybe would need to write down a list for him to do and give a deadline to complete the list. that way he has it in writing. Maybe his memory isn't good. don't start fights over it or blow it up into a bigger problem then it already is