Cant get DH to think positive!!

amberx19

DH and I have been married almost 6 months now and of course we've had the baby talk. He just won't think positively about it! I know we havn't been married long and I cant make him want kids, but it drives me nuts that he only thinks of the bad things, like no sleep. He says theres so many thinks he want's to do before we have kids, but i've only gotten one thing out of him. I've agreed to do it, but then he doesnt want to do it this year... GRRR!!! Im trying to help him, but hes just being difficult. The guys he's closest to have kids, and honestly I think they set a really good example for him. We did agree to wait a year after the wedding to start trying, but I want him to be excited and happy. What if anything can you say to a guy that may help him think more about loving parenthood and less about getting 5 sporatic hours of sleep?? 

Kimbus22

You can't make him excited about it if he doesn't want to be.  My husband agreed to TTC, although he was also focused on everything he'd be giving up.  Honestly, he didn't start to get excited until after the 20 week ultrasound.  Now he's an awesome dad and he and my son are inseparable.

You agreed you wouldn't TTC until a year.  It's only been 6 months.  Give him some more time before you bring it up again.  You're probably making him nervous talking about it!

Sewilson33

I had a similar situation w my DH. We initially wanted to start right away but after my sister in law had a baby and he realized how much work it can be he got scared. It was like pulling teeth to try and get him to talk about what made him nervous or excited but I can tell you what I did. I got him in the car bc that way he couldn't get up and leave the room and started off by saying " I know you don't want to start now but what would you like to do before we start TTc?" I ended up getting out of him that he wanted one last vacation before we had kids, just us no family. He also was terrified about expenses and my job security. I just found that if I brought up meager questions now and then I got a lot of info out of him without being like " LET'S MAKE BABIES NOW!!" I 100% agree with his fears. Now that I am waiting til December I just drop hints every now and then about what we would be like as parents and how good he is with our nephews. I'm constantly bringing up what if's to get him talkingnaboutnhis parenting strategies so that he can envision it.

srgw

Sewilson33:

I had a similar situation w my DH. We initially wanted to start right away but after my sister in law had a baby and he realized how much work it can be he got scared. It was like pulling teeth to try and get him to talk about what made him nervous or excited but I can tell you what I did. I got him in the car bc that way he couldn't get up and leave the room and started off by saying " I know you don't want to start now but what would you like to do before we start TTc?" I ended up getting out of him that he wanted one last vacation before we had kids, just us no family. He also was terrified about expenses and my job security. I just found that if I brought up meager questions now and then I got a lot of info out of him without being like " LET'S MAKE BABIES NOW!!" I 100% agree with his fears. Now that I am waiting til December I just drop hints every now and then about what we would be like as parents and how good he is with our nephews. I'm constantly bringing up what if's to get him talking about his parenting strategies so that he can envision it.

H and I talk about what kind of parents we want to be after we've spent time with our niece & nephew. We also talk about it after we watch shows that show parents in good and bad ways.

Also, H and I were both terrified to get pregnant/be parents when we first got married. Over the last three years we've both gotten much more comfortable with the idea and more ready to head that way. It sounds like your H just needs more time especially since it hasn't even been the 1 year you two agreed on.

Slow down and enjoy your kidless marriage for a bit.

amberx19

I know you can lead a horse to water but you cant make him drink.... And I know its only been 6 months and we agreed on a year, BUT I dont want to wait for the year mark and be like "LETS DO THIS". I want to give him time to prepare, because hes always in the here and now, so if i dont bring it up he'll never think about it. I know he will be the best dad ever once we do have kids. Hes awesome with everyone else's kids, and all kids love him. I just want him to think about the good things and not the bad things. yeah he wont get a lot of sleep, but kids love him!!

Samboni

You are 22 and have been married for SIX MONTHS. Pushing this on your H will have three outcomes. 1: A miserable husband who resents you and gets tired of your nagging. 2: A miserable father who resents you and his baby because he wasn't ready for a child. 3: Divorce because you two wanted very core different things out of your very young marriage.

Forcing children this early in marriage is a HUGE mistake. You two haven't even learned how to be husband and wife yet. It takes time to bond and learn to live together in a cohesive way. The way you wrote your post tells me that you're not there yet. I don't care if you have been dating since the 6th grade even, it's different now that you're living on your own. Maybe he doesn't even want kids. Just because "KIDS LOVE HIM" does not mean that HE loves kids. You shouldn't be having the sit-down "when are we going to have kids" talk any more than once every 6 months or so. He will be a good father when HE is ready. Not when YOU think he's ready. Give him time. You are going to push him away by nagging and he's going to be one sad dude if he's not already. Lay off and he'll come around when he's ready. He will come around much earlier if you stop bringing it up every time you think about it. Chill out and GL.

chiualover

Samboni:

You are 22 and have been married for SIX MONTHS. Pushing this on your H will have three outcomes. 1: A miserable husband who resents you and gets tired of your nagging. 2: A miserable father who resents you and his baby because he wasn't ready for a child. 3: Divorce because you two wanted very core different things out of your very young marriage.

Forcing children this early in marriage is a HUGE mistake. You two haven't even learned how to be husband and wife yet. It takes time to bond and learn to live together in a cohesive way. The way you wrote your post tells me that you're not there yet. I don't care if you have been dating since the 6th grade even, it's different now that you're living on your own. Maybe he doesn't even want kids. Just because "KIDS LOVE HIM" does not mean that HE loves kids. You shouldn't be having the sit-down "when are we going to have kids" talk any more than once every 6 months or so. He will he be a good father until HE is ready. Not when YOU think he's ready. Give him time. You are going to push him away by nagging and he's going to be one sad dude if he's not already. Lay off and he'll come around when he's ready. He will come around much earlier if you stop bringing it up every time you think about it. Chill out and GL.

This. Slow down and enjoy your new husband for awile.

iverske9

I think your hubby is being very smart. I love my son, but I was sooo glad I had three years of me and hubby time. We went traveling, partied, bought a house, had a blast and spent alot of quaility time together. When you have a child it is amazing but it is not longer you and him. Right now you are number one to your husband and vice versa (hopefully) but with a child it is not like that and you should have a strong backbone before because kids are the hardest job ever (wonderful) and to rush into it can make you regret it later. Relax have some fun, buy your dream house and travel. Then have a beautiful child...