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Feeling of insecurity
I have found a wonderful man. We have been married for 3 months and had a dating/engagement period of 14 months. This man is far and away the most wonderful man I know, he truly is all the things a husband should be, and I feel incredibly lucky to have found him. I know we are still in that honeymoon stage as people tell us, but we have an issue that we have kept between us that people don't know about (except my mother and my best friend). I consider myself an attractive woman, but for some reason I get jealous and insecure around one woman in particular. My husband and I met at work, and he had been working there for several years before I started. Well once we started dating, I had no worries up until a few months into the relationship. I noticed his body language and behavior seemed a bit flirtatious around this one woman. And by that I mean friendly chat (which I realize is harmless) but with something else there, if you will. Just something that kinda made my radar go off. I wondered about it, but decided I was being silly and to just let it go. I have been told in relationships past that I am insecure, so I am trying to work on this!! Anyway, I sort of forgot about it, he does sooo many things to let me know he loves me. Well one day his phone rang, and it wasn't that woman, it was someone he dated several years ago. He got a bit upset and was like I don't know why this woman is calling me. He informed me that she was "kinda out there" and had really come back at him once she saw on facebook that we were dating. He quickly made me see I had nothing to worry about.
Well, I didn't worry, but then sometime in the next few days, he had been at my house and left his facebook up. I had told myself, I am not going to be worrying and snoop on his page, but well I was stupid and looked anyway. Truly I was curious about this girl calling him. So I looked at his messages and scrolling down, I saw messaging between him and the girl I first mentioned, the one I worried about from work. It ended right about the time we started talking seriously. But it was very obvious he was totally into her. It just confirmed that I knew something was there. Well of course I had myself in a mess because I was upset but I had snooped. I knew it would be better to just talk about it. And talk about it we have. He has told me time and again, that I am the one, he wants no one else. He has given me absolutely no reason to worry about this. Yet it keeps bothering me. I try so very hard to go along as if that issue has faded completely, but it still comes up every once in awhile.
For example, last night we were out eating dinner, we sat at a bar. There was a cute girl bartending and well no big deal, until as we about to leave, he goes "you should get some of those cute glasses like she's got". I got mad, I know it's stupid, but it just hit a nerve. I just walked out and when we got to our car I said, I can't be any prettier than I am right now. I am not "girl from work's name", and I don't have on stupid cute glasses and I won't buy any. You can take it or leave it, but I am sick of worrying about am I pretty enough for you.
I know this is probably me going way overboard, and that is why I am writing this post. What do I do to get over these feelings? How do you put to rest this worrying? I don't want to be snapping at him because he makes a comment about something else a woman is wearing.
Sorry if you tried to comment earlier...I had to fix my username
Re: Feeling of insecurity
Ohh ok! Yep I tried to answer and was wondering where it went lol.
So I struggle a bit with insecurity. It is something that I do work on. It isn't that I don't trust him. It's that I feel sometimes that I fall short to other women. Which is horrible and that is why I work on it
These are the things I try
1. Take everything as a compliment. Example the glasses. He wasn't saying that you look bad without them. He was saying you would look pretty. Chances are he thinks you look pretty no matter what.
2. Think before I react. Whenever I react before thinking I just feel worse. I feel crazy and husband feels like I don't trust him. So not only do I feel bad for being crazy but I feel bad for making my husband feel that way.
3. Stop comparing yourself to other women. When ever you start to wish you were pretty as that girl just stop yourself. Go ahead and think she is pretty but also add on but I love "fill in the blank" about myself
4. Make a list of physical and personality traists that you love about yourself. Hang that list somewhere and look at it on a daily basis.
If you can't find anything you love about yourself then counseling might be best
No offence but this is completely different. You have legit reasons to be worried. I would write up your own post and get some advice from people.