Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our Parents - What have you learned
So i like these getting to know you posts... I like you guys!
How long have your parents been married/were they married (if they're divorced)? And what is one thing you have learned from their marriage, good or bad, that you carry over into your own?
My mom and dad would have hit their 36 year anniversary on July 17. I say would have since my dad passed away in December.
Good or bad, I learned from my mom and dad that you need to communicate. When you have a problem, when you're happy, when you're sad, you need to talk. The conversations may not always be pretty, but you can't fix something if you don't talk. And just talk on a daily basis. How was your day? How are you feeling? etc. Mom and dad always talked.
I guess the other thing is to accept the other person as they are. My mom can be pretty specific and high strung, but dad knew that when he married her and never tried to change her "quirks" and my dad was really laid back.. to the point where I knew it drove my mom nuts.. wishing she could make him "care" about certain things... but he just didn't.. and she learned to live with that too. Love the person you married for who they are.. and if you can't do that.. why did you marry them in the first place? 
Re: Our Parents - What have you learned
My parents have been amrried for 35 years and they have such a beautiful relationship. They truly love each other and enjoy each other, it makes me so happy to see.
The good: My mom always told me "never go to bed angry". I love that advice. If anything ever happens and we're not happy, DH and I always talk it out before going to bed.
The bad: My mom tends to be a little impatient with my dad when she is hungry or tired, so I try to stay quiet when I'm cranky!
My parents have been married for 37 years.
I guess the biggest thing I've learned from my parents marriage is that marriage is a lot of work. They've had a very difficult marriage where they've lived apart a few times and have discussed divorce, so I've seen first hand that it's not always easy.
My parents have been married for 36 years.
I've learned a lot from them:
-not everyday will be rainbows and sunshine, but communication is key.
-hard work does pay off (my parents have busted their butts working to provide an amazing life for my brother and I and I have been trying to do the same for my future) I'm trying to convey this to H because we both had different upbringings in this area.
-Take a vacation once in a while, it's good to get away sometimes. And if we have a family someday, take vacations together, it will bring everyone closer together. (My brother and I went on vacation once every year, usually a cruise or to Disney, with my parents and its one of the reasons why we're all so close)
-Say I love you, often.
Missing Our July Sparkler
BFP#1-11/12/12, MMC 1/16/13-baby stopped growing @ 9wks, found out at 13wks, D&E 1/25/13
BFP#2-4/23/13 EDD-01/02/14 baby BOY born 12/31/13 Michael Cameron
My parents were married for 15 years to each other and now are about to hit their 15 years with their new spouses.
My mom jokes that she taught me what to do and what not to do. My mom and stepfather are still like newlyweds and they just have fun together and I hope after 15 years me and H are the same as them.
My parents were married 21 years I think, before my dad passed away.
I have learned from my parents, and my dad's passing not to sweat the small stuff. The little annoying things your spouse does should not bother you enough to create a fight about it, or get all bent out of shape about it. Just accept their quirks and move on.
One thing that has changed my life forever after my dad passed was that time with my husband is THE most important thing in my life, and always will be. I cherish every day with H, and thank God every night for my days with him, because I don't know when he or I will die, and I didn't get the chance to say bye to my dad, so I always make sure to tell H, or anyone in my family that I love them, every time I talk to them.
my parents divorced the summer of 2002, i think they were married for maybe 18 or 19 years?
the things i noticed most were that my dad was a complete push-over and would let us get away with anything because he was more interested in us liking him than in being a parent. i think he ignored my mom a lot, and they rarely talked unless they were arguing. i think my dad was responding to his feelings that maybe mom didn't love and respect my dad like a wife should in a marriage, i think she focused too much on raising the kids instead of her marriage or herself.
this is another one of those "communication is key" lessons. hubby and i have been working a lot on communication and arguing fair in our relationship because i know my tendancies to clam up and stew (that i'm sure came from my mom lol). i've also learned that the respect a woman has for her husband can go a long way in not just a marriage, but in the man's self esteem, self image, and self worth, and can translate to all parts of his life, like work, etc.
hubby's parents on the other hand have had a long and loving marriage (30ish years), and he's learned a lot of lessons from them that he's sharing with me.
they're great role models.
My BFP Chart Danger Love Blog
This is a very loaded question for me...oh goodness.
My father is currently in prison for miscellaneous crimes and was originally jailed for crimes against my mother and I, though that was many years ago and things are much better...he just has been battling other charges. It is a long story, but to make it short, my parents are now obviously divorced after 23 years.
I've been slowly building a relationship back with my father (he's not a bad man, just made some bad choices), but my mother and I are still very close.
Good: No matter how bad things got, my parents always told each other that they loved each other.
Lessons Learned: No relationship is worth any kind of emotional abuse. Also, never let your anger take hold--take time away from each other before it gets loud. My husband and I never raise our voices at each other or use bad names, etc.
My parents have been married for almost 26 years. I would not consider their marriage a healthy one, but they don't believe in divorce, so it will probably be distant forever. From my parents' marriage I have seen how a lack of respect and communication can destroy a marriage. H and I were required to take "preparing for marriage" classes at our church before the wedding, and although we went into it kicking and screaming, we really did learn a lot. We learned some techniques in communication that my parents could really benefit from, and I'm so glad we started our marriage off leaps and bounds ahead of where my parents ever got (my mom said so herself).
As for H's parents, his parents have been married for 28 years, and although I don't agree with the dynamic in their marriage (what the husband says goes, and the wife only caters to him when she is needed), they really do love and respect each other, which is something I have never seen in my parents. I can tip my hat to that.
The last thing my grandmother and I said to each other was "I love you" because she had this same philosophy. It made the separation easier... and much sweeter.
Both of my parents were married/divorced before they got together. My parents have been together 30 years this August 8th. I've learned a lot watching the sacrifices they made for me and how they've always made a point to let me know how much the appreciate me. I plan to do the same for my kids. My dad always (love) teases my mom (and me), so I've learned to not take life TOO seriously.
But I've also learned how important communication is; I don't think they do this enough. My family, in general, avoids confrontation, so I told DH that I want very open, honest communication. They also do not work together financially. Everything is "mine" or "his", etc. This is something I still do myself (b/c that's what I grew up around), but I told DH that its something I'm going to work on.
My parents began dating when they were both 16, and dated for 7 years before getting married and have been married for 30 years.
I think what I have learned most is that you have to accept your spouse for who they are, even the little annoyances because they will be there forever.
My parents divorced when I was like 2 so I really didn't learn anything from them. Both have remarried and from my mom I learned that you have to communicate and listen not just talk all the time. Also I learned that if you favor/ do more for one kid it can cause some issues later on.
I never really had a relationship with my dad while I was growing up so what I learned from him and my step mom came within the last few years. And that is always have laughter and be able to joke around with each other. They are always laughing and having a good time and honestly I think it keeps them feeling/looking young.
My parents divorced when me and my brother were little. Very little. And we were right in the middle of it all
It has effected me ever since. I was terrified to get married my whole life and had such a negitve opinion about marriage. I thought you get married and you just get divorced. And now I feel like having kids causes divorce and puts such a strain on marriage. I am over the whole if you get married you just get divorced thing, I learned to realize that me and my husband are NOT my parents and that we will be happily married.
But I am STILL scared to DEATH to have children because I have this fear that it will cause a marriage to fall apart and therefore end in divorce. It really really sucks that I had to witness all of what I did between my parents when I was SO young. Through the fighting and custody battles and having to go back and forth between parents who were states apart and never feeling happy as a kid. I hate looking back on my childhood because I feel like it was SO effed up because of my parents divorce. And its still hard to this day because I live SO far away from my dad and i'm a total daddys girl.
So, what have I learned from my parents about marriage. Sometimes it works out and sometimes it doesnt. My mom got remarried 17 years ago and my dad got remarried 19 years ago. My mom is not married anymore and my dad still is. So I guess its just making life and marriage what you make it.
Baby Foster Due March 12, 2014 It's a BOY!
Engaged 12-12-10 Married 5-12-12 Baby 3-12-14
Call Me Mrs.Foster Blog
One thing we learned in our Preparing for Marriage class at church: NEVER use the D-word (divorce). No matter how bad things get, never ever even drop that word in any conversation. Don't even joke about it.
This is probably one of the most valuable lessons we took from here. It seems like when you are fighting, "getting out" doesn't necessarily cross your mind unless the thought is put there. The idea is that it's easier to seriously consider divorce when you are reminded of it, otherwise, your only choice is to work through it.
My parents have been married 42 years July 3rd. They have sacrificed a great deal for their 3 children, especially me and my younger brother as they put us both through private Catholic schools. There were a lot of times that I didn't respect them and took them for granted. But, over the last several years I have grown to understand the sacrifices they made and have appreciated it. I put my poor parents through a lot (I didn't fully rebel until I was about 22, but did I do it in a BIG way). I learned from the things I did (bad and good) and actually don't regret any of it. It's made me who I am today.
My parents always made family first and always told us they loved us, and always told each other I love you. They always hugged and kissed in front of us (and ya, as a kid, you're kinda grossed out by it). But I am so glad they did it and still do! They always made it a point to take us places....the beach, the lake, skiing, camping. I want to make sure that when we have kids, they have the same kind of childhood I did...happy, filled with love, support, and family.
My parents have been married for 30 years. I feel like I am a mixture of both of their personalities bacuse my Mom can be very difficult because she always stressed out about the house being clean, our grades, brushing our teeth, all the typical Mom things but she could get easily worked up. My Dad on the other hand is pretty laid back. He's a very hard worker and even when he gets home from work he doesn't relax until really late because he's always doing stuff outside or working on stuff for the softball team he coaches so they really don't have much down time together. But when they do relax they are great together and they act like kids again.
The best thing I've learned from them is seeing how a man should be as a father and how he should love a woman. I can see in everything my Dad does that he adores my Mom. They were highschool sweethearts. He was the rebellious football player and she was the goody two-shoes cheerleader, and I love to hear him tell stories from those days. One thing he told me that will always stick with me is when he told me " if your Momma ever packs her bags, she better pack mine too because I'm going with her" They have definitely had their share of arguments and hard times, but they always work it out. I love that he will work to make their relationship work and not just give up when times get tough.
My parents divorced when I was 7. I think they were married 12 years. Both have remarried to people much better suited for them.
I think that the most important lesson I learned was more about picking the right partner and making sure I really knew my husband before marrying. My mom pretty much said she settled for my dad, because all her friends were married and she really wanted to get married and have kids. This scared me a lot as I grew up, and as I dated, I was always cautious of making the same mistake. I came close to settling a few times, but there was always something in the back of my mind that didn't feel right and so I broke up with those men. With DH everything felt so right and I made sure we really knew each other well before we got engaged and got married.
This is different than what most of you said, but what I did learn about marriage, is that divorce is OK. Don't get me wrong, I don't plan on divorcing and I certainly would fight for a marriage, but to me marriage is a choice that I choose to be in everyday. If it ever got to a point that I was being abused in any way, cheated on, or very, very, very unhappy, I would leave. My mom did not know anyone who had ever been divorced when she left my dad. She was terrified, but she realized that she was worth more than the way my dad was treating her (cheating, financially manipulative, some abuse) and she took the bold step to get out of that marriage. She found a great partner in my stepdad and was able to move on with her life happily. Even my dad found my stepmom who is much more independent than my mom and can take his ways. (He doesn't abuse or cheat on her, he is just emotionally very distant, and she accepts it). Both are happier now and I don't feel like I'm too screwed up from their divorce.