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Mildly annoyed. . .
So I'm 22 years old and kids have never been on my mind at all. When I was younger and my friends and i would play, they would all play house and pretend to be moms. I pretended to be married. No joke.
I was up front about this with my husband when we first got together telling him that i never even pictured having kids ever and even though he wants kids (he's 26) he said it wasn't an issue.
A couple of years ago I conceded a little in saying that it might not be so terrible if we did end up having kids. I told him I didn't want to have them before 22 or after 26 and that I never actually wanted to try. If it happened, it happened. He said that that sounds fair but now that I am 22 he keeps giving me this look like he's trying to will me to be pregnant and if I even say anything about not wanting kids to him he gets offended like it's just his kids I don't want to have.
And on top of that, apparently to everyone else my opinion on this doesn't matter. Everyone, and I mean everyone, tells me that "I'm still young", or "I'll change my mind when I'm older", or "I'll grow into it". I'm sorry, I don't think that's any of your business.
Sans rant, I guess what I'm wondering is am I alone on this, because God I hope not, and if I'm not, how do you all deal with this? Am I just being selfish? I don't hate kids, I love my nieces and nephews. It's just the thought of having my own has no appeal whatsoever.
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Re: Mildly annoyed. . .
Yes I do think that it isn't any of their business what so ever, BUT they are your friends and family (i'm assuming) and their lives were complete with having families i.e. you.. so they believe you and your new H would be too.
It is totally NOT shelfish to not want to have kids. I think "19 Kids and Counting" has enough for all of us
Just kidding...
But, seriously I had to have the same talk with my H, because he is ready and I am not. We DO want to have kids, but not now. And llike the women on here told me, just talk to your H. He needs to respect your choices, especially if you had "the talk" before marriage. Maybe he was just hoping you would always change your mind? Even so, that wasn't a good idea on his part. It is a choice that the BOTH of you need to make.
And I think it might be a little unrealistic to say "it will happen when/if it happens" if your say on having kids has a specific amount of time (22-26 yrs old) that it needs to happen during. When you both think that you are both at a steady pace in life to provide for another mouth to feed then, why not, try. Because with the fertility issues in my family, trying for months/years can be very draining on your relationship. So giving the 22 to 26 year old gap in the time line can be strenuous on a relationship. Kinda like everytime you get down and dirty, your H is hoping for a positive preg test and it doesn't happen, it can cause possible uneeded stress on him. (not that the possibility of you not getting pregnant right away is your fault by any means) but just him trying on his end (assuming you both are in the right place for a baby) without you truly wanting the same outcome. Ya know? So just talk to him and make a decision.
Life changes and so may your stance on kids in the next few years...
You need to be straight with your H. If the thought of having kids holds no appeal to you your H deserves to know. If you are truthfully willing to try for kids (not just if there's an oops baby you'd be okay with that), than have a detailed discussion with your H about when you'll be willing to try etc etc. I feel like you're being wishy washy with him and that's not fair.
My BFF's H wants kids. Years ago (in college) he dated another friend of mine. He spent years trying to convince her to want to have kids someday. Thankfully he failed and is now happily married to someone he doesn't have to convince to want kids. This story tells me how important it is to be completely honest about whether you want kids or not. My BFF's H and the other friend would've been miserable if they married.
We have talked about this and he knows that I'm not even remotely ready to have kids and that I've never wanted to try. I just feel like he is kind of hoping I will change my mind on actually wanting to try.
I have a lot of, to me, very important reasons why I don't want kids and some people think most of them are silly, including H, but then again, that's nobodies decision but ours.
I just don't know what made him change his mind on being okay with my predetermined before we even met decision on having kids.
This could be a problem. If your H never truly took you seriously when you told him you didn't want kids (he's hoping you'll change your mind) and he thinks your reason for not wanting kids are silly, it sounds like he assumes you'll eventually "give in" and have kids. So the fact that you're not giving in might be coming as a shock to him. If this continues to be an issue for you guys, you might want to consider counseling.
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I am sooooooooooooo with you in this boat! I cant stand when I tell people I have no desire to have children and they say "wow, whats wrong with you?" "Um nothing." In this society a woman isnt validated until she procreates, and if she doesnt want to, GASP, she is defective! Give me a break.
I always tell people that tell me they think its weird, or wrong I dont want to have children that it would be much more weird if I had kids, knowing full well I dont want them.