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Helping Hubby Cope With Pet's Failing Health
My DH had an Aussie, Tucker, who's now 12. When he moved out after college, he couldn't take Tucker with him because it would mean leaving the 2 other dogs and other people at his parents' home. As attached as Tuck was to DH, it wouldn't have been fair to move him out. We now even have our own Aussie, Pixel at home, but we're always going to the IL's to visit (they're only 45 minutes away) so we see Tucker often. Lately, Tuckers hips have been really bothering him, not an uncommon problem with the breed. However, it's consistently getting worse to where he can't get up/down the stairs, and does sometimes fall doing so. Even more recently, whenever we leave, Tucker will follow us to the car and try to get in, and will run out to try and follow us (which he never does to any other car). Each visit we see the pain from his condition and when we need to go.
The other night I noticed my DH really lingering on his "good-bye" to his "Tuck-a-muck", and when we were finally both in the car, he was in tears, worried about how Tucker doesn't seem to have much longer and how he just hopes he passes quietly in the night so he'll never have to make the decision to put him down. Tucker's the one best friend he really had during high school and all through college, and he raised him from a pup. Pets are a very important part of your life when you have them, but I haven't really dealt with someone close to me losing a pet. I've lost my own pets, but the people directly involved were my other family members who felt the loss as well.
Besides the usual "be there for him" and "give words of comfort", how can I help my DH prepare/cope with the inevitable?
Re: Helping Hubby Cope With Pet's Failing Health
It really is hard watching our pets grow old and begin to suffer the issues of aging. Has Tucker been to the vet for this problem? There are a lot of things that can help keep him comfortable. I know when my hips are achy, I am thankful that I can take something to take the edge off.
While we all do wish that our animals will pass quietly in their sleep, it is highly unlikely. We we put our 16 year old, our vet even told us that the percentages of animals who die that was are extremely low. We were lucky enough to have a vet who had cared for T through so many of her later year issues and came to our house when it as time. (Truthfully, we cancelled 4 times before we were certain it was time, but that was mainly because of a chronic condition she was dealing with at the time.)
I would first make sure Tucker was seen by a vet for this specific issue and ask about supplements, meds and other treatments that would help Tucker.
(((hugs)))
Oh my goodness! You actually have me teary eyed right now! I'm sooo sorry for you and your DH. Seeing a loved pet suffering is so hard. It tugs on your heart strings like no one believed.
My FI had a dog name Tousie and when we first started dating when I met her I fell instantly in love with her. She'd would sit beside me and just snuggle, and apparently she didn't do that with anyone else...not even my FI. When they put her down my FI took it hard. I even cried. It's hard to see a dog suffer and hard to say your goodbye's.
There's really no words to express how sorry I am for both of you. It obviously will take some time to accept the inevidable but you both (especially your DH) have to remember the good times. What I did for my FI was I put together some pictures I took of Tousie and printed them out in black and white and put them in a frame. He absolutely loved it and it hangs by our front door to this very day.
Big *HUGZ* to you both.
Is he in good health otherwise? Maybe if you try the cart it'll be a good deal for Tuckaroo and your H and you?:)
We just dealt with a very similar situation over Christmas we went to visit my IL's and his childhood dog a sweet golden retriever got really sick (Christmas day!) they think she had a stroke. It was really hard for him to see her like that. He did take his time saying goodbye to her when we left. They took her to the Vet the next business day and she had to be put down. My DH was heart broken!
I just gave him his space and listened when he wanted to talk about it. He isn't a big talker so I know me babbling would not help. We also got a picture of Rose and put in his office. Maybe get him a nice pic of Tuck for him. Let him talk when he wants but don't push him to cope. Men are different a lot of them deal internally
I am so sorry to hear about Tucker! Old dogs are so sad, I'm already sad for when my puppy starts to get old. I've also lost pets growing up but my FI never has and I dread the day when he has to go through that.
While I hope there is something that can be done for Tucker and it's a long while before he passes, you could plan a small memorial type event. If your IL's have enough land you could put him to rest there, we always did growing up and it really helped with the grieving. If not you could look into pet cemetaries or just have some drinks ready and sit around with the IL's telling stories about Tucker. I'd keep Tucker's collar and dog tags to give to you DH later along with pictures of the good times like pp's suggested. Good luck to all of you!
Thank you all for your kind words. The vet is aware of his hips, and he takes a variety of joint chews and pain medicine to help, but it's very difficult. DH will always give long massages whenever we're around, and his IL's do the same. We've talked about getting a paw print, keeping the collar, and there is plenty of land to have a good plot for him when he does go.
It is true that "passing quietly in sleep" is often not the fortunate case for most animals, but it is quite a difficult decision to put him down. In the meantime, I'm doing my part not to bring it up as it is very tough, and realize that though Tucker doesn't live with us, he is my DH's dog and he feels very responsible in taking care of the vet bills, whatever they be.
Many hugs to you and your DH. It sounds like Tucker is one very loved dog and at the end of the day, that's what's really important. A paw print is nice and keeping the collar. There are also some very neat ideas on Etsy. I bought my husband a dog tag style necklace with "My girl, my dog, my Tillie" on it when we had to let T go. He doesn't wear it, but he loves it and it hangs on his mirror.
The decision will come when it is right. Like it said, for us, it was a year of questioning if it was time before we KNEW and it was right. Our vet always reassured us that T was "ok" and could wait for us to be ready. She was right and she would have told us if we were pushing her beyond her limits.
((Hugs))