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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
is this weird???
My closest friend's husband always chats and messages me on FB...My husband totally hates it, even though he likes the guy, but I think it's innocent. It is weird for me becuase I know that he and my friend have communication issues in their marriage and I kinda think he should be talking to her instead of trying to chat with me. Am I being naieve? I never contact him first, but it's happened more than a few times and don't know if I should say something to my friend. I don't wanna create drama when there doesn't have to be...
*I always keep it very basic, try not to engage too much b/c...
Re: is this weird???
In my opinion yes you are being a tad naive. The only person he should be bringing personal issues to is his wife. At first sure it can be innocent but it no longer sounds that way because it isn't like he does this every once in a great great while.
To me something like this can lead to emotional cheating. I highly suggest telling him that he needs to do his best to try and talk to his wife. Talking directly to the wife might be a bit much. But you know the wife better then we do. So on the other hand she might appreciate the heads up. To top it off if he doesn't catch the hint then it might be best to let her know. So really that all depends on the situation.
EDIT:
To top it off you need to respect your own husbands wishes
It really is about "nothing" stuff. Like, "whats up?" or "How's you day going?" I reply with short answers and sometimes don't even respond, at all. I really do want to say something. But, I don't want to look conceited if it really is nothing. I don't want to cause an issue with them if I'm just being over sensitive. I've never initiated any conversation. I turned my profile to "offline" so maybe that will help? My husband is a tad jealous
He stalks my FB page and gets made at any interaction with guys. I'll just keep it cordial in hopes that he gets the hint...
I think showing that you are offline would be the best bet
Also I feel the need to be blunt and I apologize in advance if I cross a line. Based on past questions from you that I have seen it seems that there are under lying problems in your own marriage that you and your husband need to work on. On top of that it's clear your husband needs some help with insecurity issues. It isn't fun to deal with insecurity in a marriage but it has to be dealt with before
Im curious as to why, when said friend starts talking to you, you don't respond with "hey I am here for you, but don't you think you should be talking to your wife about this?"
Seems like it would be the easiest way out. If the issue is pressed tell him your not comfortable with him always coming to you before going to his wife.
My Blog:Through My Eyes
I kind of have the same situation, but he contacts me over text message. Could be anytime of the day or night, too....... My husband always questions it- as he should... I've told the guy straight out that I'm not comfortable with this/husband doesn't like it/don't want to cause issues with my friend/etc.......... He backs off for a while, then he starts again. Keeps asking for a picture to add to his Contacts on his phone - I don't think so!!
I agree with the other posters- hide from him on FB.... Do whatever you can to ease your husbands mind; your marriage is more important.
Your marriage is more important, definately. It is possible that this guy is just being friendly. Maybe he is bored and just trys to make small talk with you since you are friends with his wife. Perhaps he considers you a friend. I would be direct and let him know that it makes you uncomfortable when he talks to you on Facebook. If he continues to be chatty after that, I would unfriend him.
You should also let your husband know that he has nothing to be worried about and you love and care for him only.
It sounds pretty innocent, but that doesn't mean it's any less weird if it makes you feel uncomfortable. You said he and your friend have communication issues - does that mean they don't talk or don't have good conversations? He might not even realize they have an issue.
There are some people that pop up on facebook that always feel the need to say hi, and I don't get it, but I kind of get the feeling I'm not the only random person they are messaging. So you might not be the only person he talks to.
As far as your husband goes, he really has nothing to worry about and shouldn't let this effect his relationship with you or the other guy.
If your senses are sounding off red flags its for a reason. Your husband is a man. He would probaly question why your brother always fb message you. It's what they do. If you feel uncomfortable with him messaging you, you should speak to him about it. You don't have to make a huge scene or draw a lot of attention, just mention to him that you think it would be a great idea if him and his wife went to counseling about their communication problem and that you are not a psychologist (unless you are). As far as saying something to your friend...NEVER! It might sound like a great idea at first but the moment their relationship really gets rocky you will become a target! Again, when she complains about her marriage to you recommend counseling and soon they will catch on that you cannot help them. I hope this works for you.
Naomi Says
The same thing happened to me, and it was when my guy friend from work was having issues with his marriage which eventually led to separation/divorce. It was okay in the beginning, and like you I never engaged the conversation he just kept messaging and I answered with very short responses because I understood that he didn't have anyone to really talk to. But then he tried to contact me all the time and constantly told me information about his marriage issues that I didn't want/need to know, and it became really weird asking to go out for coffee or telling me that he was at a coffee place on his laptop escaping his wife (sorta hinting that he could use a friend), I never went to either invitation. When he asked me out for coffee, he never said that my husband couldn't come and occasionally said to bring him, but I still felt odd and never went. Eventually I cut all ties because I felt weird and really if this was happening to my husband and one of his friends I would not be cool with it.
My husband never really made an issue about the contacts, because I actually complained to him about the constant messages and he knows I always go with my gut. What I am getting at here is if you think it is weird, it probably is and like a previous response said, maybe you should just appear offline and start avoiding him all together. Also, I think guys know guys best and if it is bothering your husband, then maybe he has some "guy" insight that us women don't, avoiding your friend's husband will cause less drama then talking to him and having conflict with your husband (totally not worth it).