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RomanticDreamerSeraphim

Hello!,

I'm happy to let you know im going to be roughly in the same boat. I just got married to my wonderful husband on June 8th. We've known each other for  about 8 years and have been together for 3 1/2. All of the time we were together we were long distance, he was in philly and i want in NY. Although we did get the chance to see each other almost every other weekend, my husband is also in the army and has had to go away to training for months on end and some of his training they take away his cell phone and we're only allowed snail mail which got pretty fustrating, so i completely understand.

Actually, tomorrow i will be returning to NY to finish up my student teacher for my teaching degree which will take about 9 months that we will be going back to long distance again and i've been dreading it. However, after being long distance for 3 1/2 years i've learned a lot about how to make it work. I know it's a bit different now that we're married and i know it's different for you because you'll be long distance for 2 years, but it is possible to make it work

1. Keep communication completely open. It's awesome that you guys do facetime as much as possible, my husband and I would set up a time every week to skype. We also committed each other to calling once in the morning and once at night AT LEAST and sometimes during the day in between work/class/army/etc to just even say hi for a few mins or leave a quick message just letting each other know how they are and that you're thinking about one another can go a long way. Even if it's just to call and talk about nothing in particular, talk about the mundane things to keep a conversation going, it may be silly talking about what you eat for dinner lol but it will remind you of all the normal things you would usually be doing if you were physically together.

2.  When you do see each, set aside time for each other. You need to talk to him about how it's making you feel when he comes home to visit and he wants to hang out with his friends. That's fine, but he should make time for you also, alone time where it's just you and him and then maybe make a separate day to see his friends. Let him know that it's important for you to have alone time with him where you can focus on each other. Tell him that it would mean a lot to you if you could spend a bit more time together when he does visit. If he loves you, he will listen to you and want to help make it work . Remember you are never nagging him, you are not a bother to him. For a little while in the beginning i kept thinking that i was bothering him all the time when i would want to talk to him longer/etc. But he loves you, he married you, you are not a bother to him, just tell him how you feel.

3. Instead of counting down the days he has been gone, count the days until he comes home . As i said before, my husband is in the army, he hasn't been deployed yet, but every time he goes away for a month, 2 months, 4 months etc. i keep telling myself that there are many military couples who deal with their spouses being gone a whole year at a time and sometimes longer than that because of delays in coming home. Sometimes if you let yourself know how fortunate you are that he can visit when he is able to, it makes you focus more on when he's here rather than when he's gone you know? 

4. Remind yourself that this is not permanent. I know 2 years seems like a long time, but you guys have been together for 7. I'm sure throughout those 7 years you have both faced challenges that you had to overcome together. Think about all the times when it seemed like you'd never get out of a bad situation and look where you are now . Try to keep positive and it'll go by a lot faster.  If you have survived other hardships in the past, then let yourself know that you both can survive this too.

5. Keep yourself busy. You say that you're lonely all the time I know how you feel because i have felt that way before and especially at first when you're trying to get used to the change and adapt you can feel overwhelmingly lonely. Do you have a pet? My husband and I decided after 2 years to get a cat, she lives with him full time and keeps him company when i'm away at college, she's a great companion. When my husband goes away, my cat keeps me company too and it makes it less lonely. Dogs are also great companions that require a lot of work so they will keep you busy. Make plans to see friends or family that is close by, schedule something for you to do so during the day you won't have many bored moments where all you can think about is being lonely. Surround yourself with people and you'll feel better. Also remember that he prob. feels the same way, he's prob. very lonely at times too, but if this is a great job opportunity in this kind of economy, he's working hard to make a future for the two of you. It's perfectly normal to resent his job right now, trust me i hated when my husband would have to go away for training and they wouldn't even let him use the phone xD but after a while i realized and he told me he's doing this and works so hard so he can make a better life for us, a future for us.

 6. My last thought of advice for you is to always appreciate each other and let one another know that you love/appreciate them at least once a week if not once a day. This is a trying time for the two of you, don't fall into the trap of neglecting each other and not recognizing BOTH of your hard work. Sweet words said over the phone or through skype can go a long way. I know how you feel about not being able to fall asleep in his arms because that is one of the things i hate the most too, ask your husband if maybe he'd stay on the phone with you until you fell asleep, this may sound stupid but my husband gave me an army bear when we first got together and he first went away for training, i still sleep with the bear xD it makes me think of him and helps me sleep. Reach out for things that comfort you.

If you EVER need to talk to someone/vent/etc. just message me k? my email is lysoftheshadow@yahoo.com. I hope this helped!