Family Matters
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Double Trouble Child
In recent events so far my 7 year old daughter (will be 8 in Sept) has lied to both her father and I about several things. Her dad and I have been split since she was 3 and have both since married. Her father and I communicate very well and have been catching her in several lies. Her father thought it'd be a great idea to give her a phone in her room. He's since realized that this isn't a great idea. But she's tried telling him things about us that aren't true and telling me things about her father and Step Mom that aren't true. We need to change this behavior and talking just doesn't do it for her. She's being manipulative to get her way. Is this normal for a 7 year old? She asked me to lie last night to her dad about her calling me, since she didn't ask before she used her phone, again not following directions. Of course I told her that I would NEVER lie for her. I don't think this is normal behavior but then again just because I have one child doesn't make me an expert. Where's the handbook when you need one!!
Re: Double Trouble Child
The double trouble here is you and her father.
This kid is already spoiled! there is no reason why an 8 year old "needs" a phone in her room.
I suggest counseling for the child. Kids should not be storytellers -- and if there is an off chance that wrong behavior is happening where the child is now talking about it, the child needs professional intervention just for that alone.
Remove that phone from her room stat -- and cancel the account.
What this kid needs are RULES, and parents who can be parents and not a couple of push over pals.
She needs basic rules: Keep your room clean, don't lie or tell stories, be polite to adults of all kinds, mind her stepmother and bio dad, do your homework and stay on task at school and help out with some basic chores at home, things a nearly 8 year old can do: put her laundry in the hamper, help with dinner, help wash and dtry the dishes.
And she's to make no fuss about these rules. These are things a kid should be doing.
You and your H need counseling. He and you need to learn how to be effective parents and COMMUNICATE: he decided a phone would be a great idea and you just went along wiuth his decision??? Nope... counseling immediately for the both of you.
So, why havent you taken the phone out of her room yet?
It is really pretty simple...you lie you pay a consequence.
what consequences has she paid so far?
I think we need to know exactly how and what she is lying about? the lies she is telling also paints a better picture for us.
Just wanted to mention there is a Blended Family board on thebump which might help you with some ideas.
Just because her dad thought the phone was a good idea you did not have to go along with it. Now you see it is a reward for lying get it out. Your home = your rules.
Is something else going on with her she needs this attention? I agree with consequences.
YOu and he, as I said, need to communicate as a team and need to communicate better. He says Get Her A Phone In Her Room and you simply go along with it???
As I said, also - intervention for the lying. Find out if what she says has any basis to it; if there's a problem, she needs a professional's intervention. If she's simply making up stories, that needs to be nipped in the bud immediately.
Based on OPs comments I would assume that the phone in her room is at her fathers house. If that's the case there is nothing op can do about it. She may not like it and may not approve. She may be able to say to XH that she doesn't like it and may even come to an agreement to have it removed but there is nothing she can do about it if he wants her to have it.
On that note I actually think this sound normal. She's testing boundaries and trying to figure out how much is communicated between you and XH. I would mention every time you catch her in a lie and let it be known that you and XH are on the same page and there will be no manipulation.
Lots of blended families have this issue. Children trying to get what they want by playing one parent against the other. Try calling her on it and punishing her for the lies (assuming these aren't lies about people doing bad things. Only small like the phone usage one) and eventually it will probably stop when she realizes she isn't getting away with it. If after all that it worsens or doesn't get better then maybe bring it up with your pedi. They may have a good suggestion of someone she can talk to.
Good luck.