When your H says he's not as attracted to you anymore...

Crasian

I haven't read all the responses to this, but I went through something similar this past year with my husband after I put on a few pounds.  It actually came out in a counseling session, and it was a difficult thing to hear (especially in front of another person).  

I'm not making excuses for your husband (or mine for that matter), but after many talks and other counseling sessions, what I think what he was trying to communicate (even though it came out in a rather insensitive and in turn, hurtful sounding way) was that he wanted me to feel comfortable in my own skin.  He knew that by having a few extra pounds, I was wearing baggier clothing, wouldn't put on a bathing suit, and that I had abandoned years of exercise habits and good eating habits (eating crap food, drinking too much during the week, etc).  He basically wanted some kind of gesture that I cared about my own health and also just wanted me to feel comfortable going out in stuff I wore when I happened to be a little bit thinner.  

In the end I ended up going back to the gym, lost the weight and I honestly feel a lot better about myself.  Honestly I was spiteful about it at first but now I honestly enjoy it!  

It sounds like you haven't had a lot of time to yourself to make you feel good about yourself.  I'm not a parent so I have no right to lecture anyone about what you should or shouldn't do, but maybe even going for some quick runs during the week or treating yourself to a manicure every once in a while will give you some "you time" and a little self esteem boost.  Good luck!

 

 

Bride-hilda

Hi ya!

I could lose a good 60 pounds, (okay, I'd be super skinny if I did, but I don't mind supper skinny.) BUT my DH is ALWAYS telling me how pretty, cute, etc. I am. He's ALWAYS been this way, (even when we got married and I was super skinny.) 

Apparently he'll go to hell for lying, right?

Point is, how attractive a wife is to her husband aught to have nothing to do with her weight. 

(That said, everyone should strive for healthy.) 

danielleper03

vpine:

My comment is going to be different than the others, sorry. If you need to lose 30 lbs, you should wake up earlier to work out, start with a 45 min DVD like Jillian Michaels which have definitely worked for me. Once you work PT and have more time, you can start running, join gym, buy a used treadmill and run at home, etc. It's not just about your husband's comment, I'm sure you want to look better too. It's good that he was honest, wake-up call in my opinion. Yes, it would be nice if looks didn't matter to him but honestly, attraction is a part of relationship/marriage. He wouldn't have dated you if you weren't attractive to him in the 1st place. I would handle it by not bringing it up anymore, he already said it and it can't be taken back, if he has issues communicating and you cause scene over this, he will withhold other feelings or thoughts in the future. 

 

I agree with this. There are tons of great resources out there for moms that would help you get it all under control. You'd said you'd like to lose those 30 lbs too. I second the WW idea. Weight loss is mostly in the foods you eat, not so much the exercises you do. I think the video is a great idea. If you have a game system (like xbox, or something) try out the fitness games. I bought my xbox with kinect for one particular fitness game. And it works so well. I sweat, it corrects my form, i'm sore the next day. Wake up early, before the kids are up, and work out for 20-30 min. Then go for a walk with the kids after work.

 If your husband was reluctant to say it and doesn't want to talk about it, perhaps he feels pretty guilty about those realizations that he's had. Stop worrying about his opinion and if you want to do it, do it for you. Try getting some new clothes that make you feel good. Get some matching bra/pantie sets because even if nobody sees it, it will still give you a good boost. Do what you want to feel confident and feel good (be healthy) and the rest will follow. If he still feels the same, then address the issue because it's not the weight. Best of luck!

MissHolly009

 I too have experienced this!  My husband didn't realized what he did or said was so hurtful.  My husband told me a month before we got married that he wished I would of lost my baby weight before our big day.  It was devastating, I contemplated our marriage.  But the more I thought about it the more I realized I had pushed him to say it.  I knew I had 40 Ibs to lose and I, deep down wanted to hear him say I was fat.  After plenty of time to think things over, I realized I hated my health and I was blaming everything on him, my son, the wedding planning etc.  I thought, "well, if he doesn't mind it then maybe I have nothing to worry about".  Except my self confidence was continuing to decline and I realized I wasn't going out anymore.  I avoided cameras like the plague.  Hearing him say, "i wish you would've lost weight"  unfortunately was just what I needed to hear.  I changed my hours, joined the YMCA and online weight watchers and in one month have lost 8 Ibs.   My sex drive has dramatically increased, my pants don't fit, and more importantly I have realized my husband wasn't trying to be an a$$, he wanted me healthy and he wanted my self confidence back.  When we hate ourselves our men notice.  Your hubby sounds like my hubby, he still loves you and always will, he just wants what is best for you!  A happy wife a happy life!   Good luck!