Questions from a Sex Newbie

jules8891

My husband and I just started having sex for the first time about six months ago, so we're still figuring things out, and I have some questions.

First, during the actual penetration, I still feel some pain/discomfort. It's not too bad and it's only for the first 30 seconds or so, and then I guess I kind of "loosen up" down there and it doesn't really hurt. But it's still pretty uncomfortable. Is this normal? Do some women actually get pleasure from penetration? I definitely don't have any trouble reaching orgasm during foreplay (from clitoral stimulation), but penetration is not at all pleasurable. And we've even been using KY Jelly.

 Any advice? Is this normal? Or should we just try different positions or something?

Thank you for your help!

TarponMonoxide

Lots of lube and lots of foreplay. And go slowly.

Why not try different positions that stimulate your clitoris during intercourse? Woman on top, reverse cowboy, doggie style (where he pleasures you manually as he penetrates or you DIY manually as he penetrates?)

You might want to see a doc also -- mabye you still have an intact hymen or some other issue like interstitial cystitis.

rwhite0714

Have you tried different types of lube?  I don't find water based to be much helpful but silicon works great in my opinion.

JanaLolaHS

For me it depends on how much we have sex. Like if it is say once or twice a week I seem to feel tight and have discomfort, but like you it is only for about 30seconds. I think too it helps if you are creating your own lub too (along side the KY if you need it).  You don't mention your comfortability with sex in your post so I am not sure if the following applies, but if you are nervous about what is about to happen or rather not 100% comfortable with sex yet, it can play a factor too and trying to relax might help.

artbyallie

Penetration is only uncomfortable for me if my lubrication is not sufficient or not spread around enough. When I'm fully aroused, he slides right in, no problem, and he is far from small.

Artificial lube will only do so much if you're not turned on enough. That's because not only does arousal produce lubrication, it relaxes the vaginal walls and retracts the cervix farther back. This is very important for comfortable (pleasurable!) penetration.

sammy2490

I would definitely try a couple different lubes, see which one suites your needs. I personally can't stand KY lubes, they really bother my lady parts, ha ha. We went to our local sex store and they referred us to the lube we use now, Jo for Women H2O Personal Lubricant. It's never sticky, tacky, it has no smell, washes of easily, and latex safe. 

Good luck!  

married2thebest

As others have said, get better lube. Spend more time on foreplay. Have a glass of wine before  you are ready for sex because it will help you relax. Check out info on vaginismus. It occurs when the muscles in your vagina spasm. Usually, it makes penetration difficult to impossible, but if your anxiety increases about this you could end up with this as a problem.

Naomi Says

Many times we forget the details of our "first couple times" but some can recall better than others.  Sex isn't suppose to be uncomfortable.  I'm sure you've talked to your DH about your concerns and he is supportive of what ever makes you happy.  I recommend PINK to our clients.  I also recommend using a lube shooter to insert the lubrication directly into the vagina before foreplay.Also you may want to try sex in the shower with the use of silicon lubrication.  The most important thing couples forget about sex is that it is emotional intimacy as well as physical.  Communicate with each other, guide each other to your pleasure zones and aim to please your spouse over yourself, then and only then will your sex life prosper.  To see our line of lubrication and other couple ideas visit us at www.naomisays.net

Naomi Says

KenziK

How much time are you spending on foreplay? My DH is like a teenage boy, always ready to go, I on the other hand am not and need to be "warmed up" before anything more happens. I would really focus on foreplay and making sure you are fully aroused before penetration occurs, because unless you are having sex every single day or something, you really shouldn't have a lot of pain unless there is something medically wrong.

melanieky

PP's have given great advice!

-More foreplay

-Different kinds of lube

-Different positions

-Perhaps seeing a doctor if the discomfort continues

I had this problem when I first starting having sex, it was painful and uncomfortable. I realized I needed more foreplay from my SO and more lube! Yes, I only have orgasms from clitoris stimulation not actual penetration. It helps to do different positions in order to stimulate the clitoris while actually having sex. Good luck!

NadzB

It is not uncommon to feel a little discomfort the first few seconds of having sex. That happens to me as well. Though I'm not a newbie, i sometimes find this happening to me.

A lot also depends on the size of your partner. I would say lots of foreplay so that yes you are well lubricated and try to relax and not anticipate it so much and everything will be okay.

 

To be honest even when lubricated I still will fell discomfort, its not unbearable but its one of those things i've learn to live with 

ap142193

I am never wet enough and am pretty small.  If I'm wet at all my DH is ready to go, but I have to make him slow down for more foreplay.  I prefer a lube that mimics my bodies fluids rather than an oily kind.  If sex is still slightly uncomfortable I would stay away from warming lubes because they can burn if you have any tearing.