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mstracener

rakle99

If this is a new symptom, she may need to go get checked out. There may be an underlying medical issue, or it may be caused by medicine or supplements she is taking for menopause. If she is having a hard time dealing with all the life changes in the past year, she may also be depressed, which can cause those symptoms also.

You need to set boundaries. You have a right to say no. My inlaws invite us to do things last minute all the time and we usually tell them no, and ask for advance warning next time. They are slowly taking the hint, but it's taking awhile. 

You don't need your mom to solidify plans. Make the plans, tell her about them, and if she shows up, she shows up. If she doesn't, she doesn't. It's not your responsibility to handle her social calendar, and it's not your fault if she doesn't attend something you have planned.

I would also suggest that you not have people over when your husband has to work so that you don't have to kick people out. A simple "sorry, that doesn't work for us on that day/date" will suffice. There's no need to go into details. It's really not any of their business why.

mstracener

Thanks. You're totally right, saying no once in a while is not going to ruin my relationship with my family. Mom might be suffering from depression as well, never thought of that but that sounds like it might be the case. Thanks!

chrisandsarahwedding

Lol my parents usually do the same..but its like an hour before dinner time. Is this a problem because you have hectic schedules..or is it because you like to plan everything and dont like doing spur of the moment things? If this is new for your mom, then I would wonder, but if she has been doing it forever(you just lived in the house and didnt notice), then I wouldnt be too surprised.

If she wants to invite you over for dinner, I dont see why its an issue to do this spur of the moment, you can either accept or decline. But if you have to plan / cook / etc yourself, just plan it when you yourself want to and call her whenever you feel like having them over to your house

lily_721

This happened in my family and with friends' families as well.  I think it comes from trying to get into a routine.

DH's family all live near each other (we live 1.5 hrs away).  MIL used to give us a day's notice.  We attended if we could which was usually not.  My mother would give us the silent treatment for not going to her not-existent event.  With busy schedules, two kids, and two dogs, we need notice.  MIL now gives us three weeks notice and no guilt.  My mother now only schedules dinners on Sundays (our usual slow day).

My friend hosts a family dinner one day per month.  Everyone is invited.  She makes the main entree and everyone brings sides.  Its on the same weekend every month so people can plan to attend or not.

Basically do what works for you.  I have a "rule" that we will not go away two weeks in a row.  I need the down time and I think its important for the boys as well.