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how do you know?
I got married about 3 weeks ago and both my husband and I were virgins when we got married.
Everyone told me it was going to hurt really bad, the first time, but it didn't. I don't know why, it that normal?
And I have also heard that when you "O" you know. I mean, I have had moments, where it's like... was that it? I assume it was, because it's the only thing that seems close enough, but it's nothing that super stands out, y'know? but I don't know, know. I also don't know how to get there. I love being with my husband, but it is getting to the frustrating point, because he always comes out of it, saying how amazing it was and I just feel like it was fun, but nothing phenomenal happened.
And if I haven't ever, then I don't know how to tell him. because he thinks he's been getting me off for weeks. 
any advice?
Re: how do you know?
It doesn't hurt for everyone. Just as everyone has different healthy weights and different metabolisms, they have different genitals too. You could have broken your hymen when you were younger in some non-sexual physical activity, or you could have just had a very thin hymen.
When you orgasm, you'll know it. Faking orgasms is one of the worst things to do for your sex life. He thinks what he's doing is working, the poor guy, and he's not going to know to do something different unless you tell him. But the more you focus on the orgasm as an endpoint, the less likely you are to get there. You need to relax, so just focus on having a mutually loving experience with your husband rather than expecting to get off.
You sound uncomfortable with sexuality, so I'm not sure if you've masturbated yourself before. You can't expect your husband to get you off if you don't know how to get off. Use your hand to explore yourself and figure out what brings you to orgasm, then use that knowledge the next time you're having sex to bring yourself to orgasm. Take control and do what gets you off- he won't complain.
If you don't know what an orgasm feels like, then it's a sure fire thing you haven't masturbated.
I strongly suggest you start doing so.
Do it by yourself; take your time and discover what touches turn you on --- you might also want to check out a book called Sex For One by Betty Dobson; they called her the Mother of Masturbation.
Oral sex is also strongly suggested; I will bet you he's never tried it. Uh, make sure he does. It's a sure fire way to get you off.:)
I'm glad sex didn't hurt you, but if you are asking yourself 'what was that?' then it definitely was not an orgasm. An orgasm will, as you said, super stand out.
I agree that you should masturbate, with or without your spouse, and learn what one feels like and how to get there. A vibrator will help a lot.
We were also virgins, and it didn't hurt for me either. I don't think it's abnormal.
Your experience sounds identical to mine. We would have sex, and it felt good and everything, but nothing spectacular for me like you often hear about. At first we were just trying to get the logistics right, so I wasn't too worried.
Finally, after we were married about 10-12 weeks, we figured out that the best way for me to orgasm was for me to be on top. And boy did I know! That is still the best way for me. Everyone is different, so try to find what works for you.
As for your husband, make sure to first tell him that he's doing a great job. Guys need that reassurance! Then just explain that, even though what he's doing feels fantastic, you feel like you need to try some different positions, etc. to make it even better. If you are tactful and positive, he'll probably see it as a challenge rather than a discouragement.
Don't be too hard on yourselves (pun intended). You've only been doing this a few weeks; you can't expect to have the hang of it all quite yet!
Wishing you all the best!
Hm.
Well, I used to get upset with my husband for masturbating before we were married, so I don't think that it is very fair for me to start now.
Also, he is not comfortable or okay with the thought of vibrators and such.
There has got to be another way. Anyone?
My suggestion is to not focus solely on PIV sex with your DH, as well as not focusing on trying to orgasm. In my experience, focusing on trying to orgasm makes it not happen. Focus on loving your DH, exploring his body and using your body in different ways. Try different things during foreplay and listen to your body's cues. Over time you will learn what you like and what works, and in the process you may happen to orgasm (like PPs said, you'll know when it happens). It is a fact that it is harder for women to orgasm, so it will take some time. For reference, it took a year of fooling around with DH (then boyfriend) for it to happen for me. Good luck!
What if your husband was the one using the vibrator on you?
If he is truly that uncomfortable with them, there are other options you could try. You could have your husband try to pleasure you just with his fingers or oral sex. Especially since the two of you are new to sex fingers could be a good way for him to get to explore and figure out what is more sensitive for you.
Honestly though, I enjoy sex, but I have never gotten off from sex. That is why we use a vibrator, and fingers which help me much more. Oh, and not all vibrators have to be inserted, mine does not and I hate insertable toys personally.