Vent!!

xcalygrl

So I'll start by saying that I lurk around here. I'm on the knot as well since we are currently planning our wedding.Anywho... That is just a little info about me!

Well, today I was told that I was next to have a baby. The person that told me this rattled off about 8 different people at our office that are expecting or who's SO are expecting. Her reasoning: everyone else is having a baby, you should too. Uh, NO!! BNOTB at all, not for like the next 10 years (if ever). She didn't take the hint though. I told her I could barely keep my dogs alive, thus no babies for me. (I'm actually a pretty good mom to our fur babies, so that was a stretch). She insisted. I told her I like wine too much. Still talking babies. I told her I didn't make enough $$ to clothe them. She still hasn't gotten the point.

Why do people insist that you need to have a baby because 1) their kids have, 2) everyone else is, 3) they're so cute, or 4) you've been together for awhile, it's time! No, no, no!!

Vent over!!!

kfrazel

I have been dealing with this for the last month.  I got married on Aug 4th, and I don't think I even got to enjoy a day without my MIL starting on the baby thing.  I have been very honest for the past 6 years with my husbands family (and of course my husband has always been on the same page) that I am not interested in having children. NOTHING could be more annoying then someone continually nagging you about that. I've just gotten to the point where I just say, NOPE never going to happen. I don't even look up anymore.  I am actually beginning to find it extremely rude.. Ok now my vent is over

Mustard76

Fellow lurker here, and I just wanted to say good luck!  And that if you find a way to make this stop, please let me know!  We've been married for just over a year and a half, together for 6 years, and it hasn't stopped yet.  No matter what I've said as to why we don't have kids, don't know if we want kids, the timing's not right, etc. people just don't quit!! 

Last week MIL was in town talking about how great it would be to be a grandma.  I told her to love her grandog or to hit up her daughter.  UGH!

 Best of luck in getting people to leave you alone about this (and every other personal issue.)  You get married and it's like open season for everyone to give every piece of marital advice they've ever heard.  I'm just now realizing that "Thank you for the advice" or "When the time is right for kids..." usually shuts people up for awhile.  Except the in-laws, they're a tough crowd.  GL!

xcalygrl

Thanks Mustard... Good luck to you too!

I'm working on trying to find the excuse that shuts them up! When I discover it, I'll let you know :-)

jnjmommy0609

There really is no excuse that will shut anyone up 100 percent. Maybe something along the lines of "I have no plans on having children right now/(or at all) so there really isn't a point in discussing it." and if they ask why then just say how it doesn't matter but you think kids deserves parents who actually want kids. And if they keep pestering then say you gotta get back to work. If this causes a problem then this person is just too f*cking sensitive. I have come to realize that when you want something or you need to get a point across to someone then it is best to just be blunt and not worry about excuses.

 

There are people out there who just do not need kids in their lives. To me there is nothing wrong with that. In fact it's better to know what you want in life thn to just have kids just to have them. Those three reasons you gave to have kids are the stupidest reasons to have them. Kids in my eyes are amazing...which they should be considering I have two of them and there should be better reasons to mention to have them. 

 

hesakeeper

jnjmommy0609:

There really is no excuse that will shut anyone up 100 percent. Maybe something along the lines of "I have no plans on having children right now/(or at all) so there really isn't a point in discussing it." and if they ask why then just say how it doesn't matter but you think kids deserves parents who actually want kids.  

I have always wanted kids, but am totally fine with people who don't have/want them. However, this is seriously the best answer ever. 

xcalygrl

I know there isn't a reason that will shut everyone up.

On a side note, I love children. I adore my niece to pieces. I was there when she was born and have been in her life since (she's almost 8). Even though she isn't biologically mine, I couldn't imagine her not being a part of my life now. I appreciate the unconditional love she gives, the smile she has that can brighten up my day, and the goofy stuff she thinks up.

But with that being said, I don't want them right now. Are those real reasons for not having kids: no. I get tired of people insisting that "I'm the next on to have one" that I just throw out stupid things to shut them up. Are they my real reasons for not having children, no. I agree that kids deserve parents that actually want them (and I'm not that person).

charbakes

I HATE hearing that. I'm also engaged, and I hear that damn comment soooo much. And now that one of my employee's is pregnant, everyone is going baby crazy.

Whenever I hang out with  my niece, people say "Oh, you're so good with babies, why don't you like kids?" I love kids. I think kids are awesome. But there's so much more I want to do before I make that commitment. Why does me liking kids mean that I should be scrambling to get pregnant as soon as I tie the knot? Or "You and Ben would make such cute kids." No sh*t my kids are going to be cute. Doesn't mean I want to get pregnant any time soon.

eatmonaeat

I know! What is the deal? My H and I have been together for 4 years, people are still asking. The ladies at work make me totally crazy constantly asking me about it. Also, for my rant let me just say this: JUST BECAUSE I AM FEMALE DOES NOT MEAN THAT I AM NOT TOTALLY GROSSED OUT BY PREGNANCY TALK. I have had people stand at my desk and talk to me, in detail, about their chaffing nipples, about freezing breast milk in ice cube trays (apparently that's a thing), every tiny detail of every physical ache and pain of pregnancy. It's so gross, the other day I totally snapped because they were like, "well just you wait until you have kids, blah blah blah", and without looking up from my computer I said. "nope, my *** is for recreational purposes only". Maybe you can say that, lol. 

maribeth721

Seriously I hate hearing that stuff. My husband and I have virtually no interest in having kids for several reasons, really similar to what you have stated. We want to be financially independent, we like being able to do whatever we want, we hate noise, have a lot going on in our careers, and honestly neither of us really like children. We have a nephew, my SIL's son, who is 11 months. And he's cute and fun to play with, but he goes home with her when he's screaming and crying. Most of my friends who just had babies have no identity other than being a Mom. Which I personally can't stand. I would never want that for myself. My Aunt's keep saying "oh you're going to be the one that has 5 kids!!" "we can't wait until you guys have kids!!" And we keep telling everyone we really have no interest in children but the comments never stop. Enough already! Why does everyone assume just because you're a female that you're chomping at the bit to procreate? Thanks but no thanks.

silly3710

I too am a lurker. Nice to meet you all. I am 37, married 2 years. I have been harassed by co-workers, family members, random people etc... for the past 14 years about getting married, and/or having children. I have no idea why people think you are only complete when you are married, and/ or have children. It is a huge pet peeve of mine. I started a new job just before my wedding, so after, I couldn't so much as get the stomach flu or a headache without everyone starting in on the "you must be pregnant" chatter. I finally got so tired of it, I told everyone the cold hard truth....Children are sticky and they smell funny. I simply could not stand for that sort of mess in my home. I have a very dry sense of humor and noticed those who "got" me thought the response was funny. Those who didn't, looked at me with a "oh, she really should not have children" look...No one has pestered me about personal issues since.