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Should I be bothered by this?

I had recently checked DH's email and saw that he had sent a message to a girl he used to work with, the message said that he is craving the homemade cheesecake she once made him and if its possible to make him another one for pick up at her house. She replied giving him her cell phone number to text her and that he can come by on the weekend to pick it up. Should I be bothered by this?  (he has not mentioned this to me) We have been married for 2 years but did have trust issues in the past.

Re: Should I be bothered by this?

  • I would be if he hasn't shown you. My H has a friend from high school who he emails with but he always shows me the emails.
  • I'm thinking cheesecake is code for something that is not cheesecake.
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  • imagekellbell1919:
    I'm thinking cheesecake is code for something that is not cheesecake.

    This was my thought too. The situation just seems kind of odd.

  • If you're checking his email and not asking him about it then you still have trust issues.
  • I would freak out!

    I agree I think cheesecake is not cheesecake.  If he is going to go there this weekend see where he says he is going. I would keep snooping but I know others frown on that

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  • Yeah, I'd be bothered. So many questions, though. Why are you checking his mail? Why the trust issues? Why don't you make "cheesecake?"

    I wouldn't say anything and I'd see what he does over the weekend. If he says he's going somewhere, then I'd follow him and see what's up. GL and keep us posted!

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  • Woah, yeah I'd be suspicious....I totally agree with Samboni here. Do you not make "Cheesecake?" lol. Why does he need this girls "cheesecake"? If he liked cheesecake, why wouldn't he just ask you to make it? something seems amiss here. But if you bring it up now, you look like the snooping, mistrusting wife. I'd say wait to hear where he says he's going this weekend, and I'd maybe follow him too. :/ Really sorry you even have to worry about this! 

    But I hope he surprises you with this great big delicious cheesecake! lol 

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  • Personally, I would sit down with him and talk to him about it. It happens that you would see his email or him see yours, you're married :) if it bothers you, or seems out of place, talking is a good idea! Keep us up to date on how things go, hoping the best.
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  • Start making cheesecake. Be overly dramatic saying that you love cheesecake and wish you could eat it all the time. Do you live by a cheesecake factory?? DATE NIGHT!

     

    Sounds juvenile I know, but a little guilt conscience might do him and your relationship good!

  • Make HER some cheesecake and casually drop it off.  Like, I was in the neighborhood, try my cheesecake!  Fun stuff.  Don't mention your H.  Or even pretend he exists.
    Shot first, questions later.
  • If he had previously mentioned he once knew someone who made awesome cheesecake and that he wanted to contact her to get some cheesecake, then no.

    In this case, yes.  It's all sorts of weird.  Either your husband has an unhealthy attachment to dessert or he's trying to be sneaky.  Either way, you need to talk to him.

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  • THis makes me laugh.  My dad makes great cheesecake.  For a previous co-workers b-day 2 years in a row, I had my dad make a cheesecake.  My coworker simply LOVES it.

    After we stopped working together, he would often joke about "I need a cheesecake".  But never one, EVER, was there any real discussion about "can you get one for me and I'll come by your house and pick it up". 

    That's just weird.  And puts me in the camp of "it's code".

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  • imageEastCoastBride:

    THis makes me laugh.  My dad makes great cheesecake.  For a previous co-workers b-day 2 years in a row, I had my dad make a cheesecake.  My coworker simply LOVES it.

    After we stopped working together, he would often joke about "I need a cheesecake".  But never one, EVER, was there any real discussion about "can you get one for me and I'll come by your house and pick it up". 

    That's just weird.  And puts me in the camp of "it's code".



    I can understand preferring someone's dessert over another person's, however, I definitely agree it's weird to e-mail someone you're supposedly not close with that you want them to bake some dessert and you're willing to pick it up, and they just happen to be okay with it. 

    I'd wait to see where he says he's going...
  • I'd say you have a communication problem in general.

    I'd never, EVER check my H's email without him knowing.
  • Clearly there are still "trust issues". Was there infidelity in the past?

     I would bake hima cheesecake and say "I heard you were in the mood for cheesecake" and see how he responds :P

  • My red flags would be raised and waving... If I found my DH e-mailing someone about going to their house for "cheesecake" that I've never heard anything about or even tasted I would be very suspicious..

    You have to bring this up to him. If you don't mention anything who knows if cheesecake will turn into her seducing him and then there goes your marriage. It's better to discuss your feelings before anything.


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  • What exactly were these "trust issues"?  Were they actually trust issues, or were they untrustworthy dude issues?
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  • Thanks for your input everyone. Yes the email had bothered me when I saw it, I have never met this person, I don't know if she is young, old, ugly or beautiful (I did google her though, no luck). He had never mentioned that she made him cheesecake. I have made homemade cheesecake once and we both ate it. It wasn't the best cheesecake in the world but it wasn't the worst either.

    I went home yesterday, and didn't say a word to him, although it was on my mind to throw something out there like "so you're craving cheesecake huh?" but i kept my cool because I am thinking like many of you. I'll wait for the weekend to see if he lies to me about where he is going.

     

  • imageriza123:

    Thanks for your input everyone. Yes the email had bothered me when I saw it, I have never met this person, I don't know if she is young, old, ugly or beautiful (I did google her though, no luck). He had never mentioned that she made him cheesecake. I have made homemade cheesecake once and we both ate it. It wasn't the best cheesecake in the world but it wasn't the worst either.

    I went home yesterday, and didn't say a word to him, although it was on my mind to throw something out there like "so you're craving cheesecake huh?" but i kept my cool because I am thinking like many of you. I'll wait for the weekend to see if he lies to me about where he is going.

     

     

    If it were me, I would definitely make a cheesecake and surprise him with it, just to watch his face when he sees it. That just seems very strange, if I found an email like that from my DH to another woman, I would be pretty pissed. 

  • Yes this would bother me. But see if he brings you cheesecake over the weekend and tells you who it's from. If he's honest, send her a thank you note and ask DH to tell you more about his nice friend. 

    If not, ask what's up with the cheesecake.                                                                                                                        

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  • MAKE THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hell, just go buy one at walmart if you don't want to make it.

     

    PLEASE??!?!?!?! <3

  • What ever happened with this one? Did he bring home a cheesecake or what?
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