Trouble in Paradise
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Please help.
will update in a few hours. My marriage is ending after finding him cheating. And Im laughing at the person who said LMAO at me being a respectful wife. I tried hard and always was patient.
Re: Please help.
Why would having a kid make any of this better?
You're miserable. You need counseling. You tell him that your marriage depends on him going to counseling with you. If he won't do it, then WTF are you sticking around for?
My Lunch Blog
That was way long, but two things leaped out at me.
1. A man who loves you would not be calling you a b!tch. Ever. Period.
2. Why is he 'of course' getting no sleep just because he works nights? He should plan better and go to bed when he needs to in order to get 8 hours every day.
My guess is that you are both very young and you had this image in your mind of what you thought marriage was going to be so rushed into it and surprise...you were wrong.
You H is an insensitve child. He doesnt care about your feelings or choices its all about him honey.
You have been married 1 year and already had to go to counseling! RED FLAG
You are trying to have a baby with a child, which shows me you are a child as well. No one who is mature would want to bring a baby into this mess of a marriage. Just like you thought marriage was magical, making a baby with a jerk doesnt make anything better.
You are a good respectful wife? LMAO
Im a good respectful wife and while I don't want to hear I need to get a divorce I just don't know what else to try or do. Im to the point where Im depressed and this is the time I need him to most and he is just failing me as a husband.
Another bit of proof that shows your age...youd rather become depressed than dump the ***.
BUT you are right about 1 thing ,,,,he is failing as a h!!!
It takes 2 people to make a marriage work...you done have that..so, if you want to stay liike this forever and become miserable and depresses because you dont want to cut your losses..there is nothing here anyone can tell you to make this work.
Maybe you should go to counseling on your own and learn to get some self respect and not put up with someone treating you like trash.
I'm sorry you're going through all of this. Life really does have to suck right now.
You married a man who was not ready to be married. Plain and simple. He is unable or unwilling to put on "husband" pants and behave as a responsible partner does. If divorce isn't on the table, then you have 3 other choices.
1) Long term marital counseling - you will need to commit to AT LEAST a year of couples therapy.
2) individual therapy - if he wont go, go alone so you can deveop coping skills, life skills, and the ability to understand and process your life choices
3) Understand that this is what it is and how it will be, and decide to live with it.
Best of luck to you. I sincerely hope you find a way to fix things. You're awful young to have 50 years of misery laid out in front of you.
BTW - having a child is your choice, but I promise you, bringing one into the situation now would be a bad one.
Nestie Bestie with the lovely RockABye
Effective immediately, stop TTC.
THis marriage isn't stable enought for a child.
There's a lot going on here.
Either this guy knows zip about how and when to spend money and how to spend it reasonably and sanely or he's got a spending problem. The spending problem can very easily telescope into a spending addiction.
Whatever it is he's got going on with unreasonably spending money, it's got to stop.
And he needs to GET IT that it is no longer "his" money, even if he is supporting you and you are a student, etc and do not work --- it is OUR MONEY.
When you get married, the funds that are earned by one or both partners now belongs jointly to both parties.
You and he need counseling for that alone -- and if it's turning out that he's got a spending problem, he hmself needs to get to a counselor immediately to nip it in the bud. There are all kinds of addictions and spending addictions are included on the list of them.
I don't know whether he's dropped the ball on everything or he was never mature enough to understand that when you get married you are a partner to your spouse and that you're a partner in every aspect and sector of the definition; whatever it is, you need to read him the riot act that he needs to BE a partner and that's no ifts, ands or buts.
You are a partner in every sector: spending and saving money, support and respect for your spouse in everything he or she does, happiness in the other areas of your marriage --- in every way you are a partner.
Cut the sh!t of texing/calling by phone -- and have a sit down one on one talk with him about everything that is happening. Make sure you have no interrupstions and make the talk as frank and ugly as possible. He needs to get the message that he can't be doing what he is doing and he has a wife and partner to be concerned about.
If he won't go to counseling and this mess keeps up, you are going to have to decide where to go from here.
And he is full of excuses...bet you he doesn't mind bjs, either:
Im sitting here crying and its about to be my anniverssary and I just don't know what to do anymore. I tried counseling, I try loving messages, I try post it notes, I try to sit down and talk about things in a loving way and Im still a "nagging b!tch". If I don't bring stuff up it will not get done. The man is 25 years old and doesn't care about his job, his friends, his wife, his sex life (which is pretty non existant). He was kissing me the other night, and I requested nicely "hey could I have oral, it sound nice mmm". He jumped off of me and said that I was b!tchind and what he was doing was not good enough. I said no, I just replied that I have not had it in awhile and it would be nice. He went down and said omg you are too hairy and I have a horrible gag reflex. I started to cry because it just killed everything for me.
Can't he handle confrontation at all like an adult???? (you could be as bald as a baby jay bird but I will bet you he'd sure have a problem with that, too and make up another excuse)
A lot of his behavior is immature jackassery. Maybe this guy was never mature enough to get married and be a husband and partner. That's my guess as to what is happening here.
Wishing you luck with this. YOu do not come accross as "b!tchy" or insincere or demanding. What he is doing has to stop and he's got to be a 100% full time husband and partner with respect.
And if he won't stop and yield to your happiness and satisfaction as a wife and partner and refuses counseling, show this little middleschooler the door.
Enough is enough of this divisive confrontational immaturity of his -- and counseling FOR YOU --- this bullsh#t marriage will erode what's left of your self esteen and self confidence.
GL.
Besides, somebody may have more advice. Now this person can't reply to your post and give you solid advice.
So what happened? I thought you said you wouldn't get a divorce; so this was a dealbreaker but not his wild spending habits or his lack of respect for you???
Some friendly advice: If he has been cheating, file for an annullment. Adultery is cause for an annulment; I suggest an annnulment vs a divorce because you are married less than a year.
Hard to believe this sexual dynamo of a wild animal is cheating...he won't go down on you and he's a candyapple because "you're so hairy" yet he's providing stud service to somebody else. Ha....what a joke.
I am 56 years old, and have seen alot. I was even involved with an
ass also. But, I NEVER considered having a child with him. Please,
pay attention to what these posters have to say, this is the best advice
I have ever seen for someone in your situation. GL
Did I read you correctly, OP --- he flipped you off, you said?
As in gave you the bird??
Wow....how immature of him. Who gives the finger to his wife, ffs???
I am curious to know how you got to find out this guy was cheating. This slug you are married to doesn't even sound like he's able to pull his head out of his arse even for a minute, let alone take off his pants for about as long as that to nail somebody else.
that person would be me! respect has to be earned and your loser of a h didn't earn any respect. you sounded like a 2 year old talking about her daddy...i was good and respectful. see where that got you ~ maybe your problem was that what you saw as patient and respectful he saw as a you being a doormat!
between last post and this post you found out he was cheating? how did that miracle happen?
Yes, do clarify! How did you manage to break the case wide open on this one, Nancy Drew? And in such a lighning flash brief period of time, too?
Can I please PM?
eta: pm sent
Backatcha.
one more from me
Pm to you in a min.
I'm sorry you're about to go through a painful time, but good for you for having the backbone to leave. I still STRONGLY recommend individual counseling. There are some things you need to learn about balance, boundaries, standards and what's acceptable from the people you choose to let into your life. Best of luck to you!
Nestie Bestie with the lovely RockABye