Family Matters
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Very emotionally hurt by MIL (Long detailed rant)My DH has been cursed with back pain even when I met him when we both worked on an air force base.(He was in the air force, while I worked at a BK) It has gotten severely worse since last year, when we've had to move twice for his job. The second time we ended up moving to Ohio and decided to finally figure out what was going on with his back. We've been to quite a few doctors in these past four months and we have still yet to figure out what is wrong. That isn't all, since my DH can't go to work until we figure out what is wrong and if he can even work at all we have had to put him on disability, the short term was fine and went through without any problems. Since the doctor visits continued with out any answers they had to move on to working on putting him on long term disability. This is where the source of our problems started, whoever is handeling the disability has sent us in so many circles and has given so many excuses it looks like they are trying to deny him long term. We haven't gotten a check from them in a couple months now and my DH can't go back to work until he gets a doctors note saying he can do everything his job needs. We are so low on money that by the end of this month we won't have any by the end of this month. Here is where my MIL comes into play. If things don't get better this week my DH may end up taking money out of his 401k and if he does that it is his companies policy that he would have to quit and we both don't want him to that. His company has been doing all they could to help. However if he does end up having to do that then we will probably go move in with his mom until we can get back on our feet. I know and expect to have to get a job and am more than fine with. The thing that hurt me though is she said that my enjoyment of Kpop and such will be limited. I have always gotten along with my MIL but I had forgotten how she did not like things from other countries. My own DH doesn't like that I like kpop but I don't force it on him and he understands that it gives me enjoyment so he tolerates it. It may seem stupid to some but I actually bawled about it,I felt I was being attacked by her and that I was being told what to like and what not to. I apologize if anyone found this post stupid or childish, like I've said I generally get along with my MIL and have felt blessed to have one that I got along with. This is the only thing we have really disagreed on. I just felt the need to vent somewhere where most people don't know me personally, and even hope to meet some that may have had a similar experience. |
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Ilumine Joined on 12-30-2005 Bitgerg Germany - Spangdahlem AFB 12,907 Points | Do you have a job now |
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 Mommy and Monkey in Garmish Germany |
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CraZBlonde... Joined on 02-19-2009 72 Points | No, we have been living in a hotel. He wanted to figure out what was going on with his back so he could hopefully move around more before we could find a place. Not having an actual address, the fact he wanted me to go with him for every appointment he had and for the fact that when we would get a place it would be in another town and I would most likely have to quit anyways I didn't see much of a point in getting one at the time. Neither one of us expected to be in the position we are in now with disability.We also didn't expect for it to take so long for the doctors to figure out what was going on.They still don't know, but he has an appointment with a Rheumatologist tomorrow and then the original doctor wednesday. |
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Nukke Joined on 03-01-2008 Ontario, Canada 1,711 Points | why not just use earbuds/headphones? |
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TarponMono... Joined on 01-14-2006 23,567 Points | Choose your battles.
It may seem stupid to some but I actually bawled about it,I felt I was being attacked by her and that I was being told what to like and what not to.
In the grand scheme of things this is minor.
Let this go.
When she gets truly divisive and confrontational, then you'll have a right to get mad at her. |
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Flashy Joined on 01-20-2009 Louisville KY 6,007 Points | Sounds to me like you have bigger fish to fry then what kind of music you like. Maybe you should try focusing your attention to what the main issue is and get a job. I understand that your husband may want you to go to his appointments with him, but as long as he is able to go on his own, he is a grown up and should be able to go alone. I mean you all are pretty much homless, so I think you going to work would be the bigger priority. |
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EastCoastB... Joined on 08-12-2001 East Coast! 53,469 Points |  Flashy:Sounds to me like you have bigger fish to fry then what kind of music you like. Maybe you should try focusing your attention to what the main issue is and get a job. I understand that your husband may want you to go to his appointments with him, but as long as he is able to go on his own, he is a grown up and should be able to go alone. I mean you all are pretty much homless, so I think you going to work would be the bigger priority.
This. You're bawling and feel attacked over music? Really? If you all do need to move in w/ her, you're going to have to get used to a LOT of "sucking it up" and going along w/ what MIL likes/doesn't like. Because her house will = her rules. I think your musical differences will be the least of your worries. And yeah- if your DH is actually physically capable of going alone, then he needs to go alone and you need to get a job. Priorities! |
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"Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." ~Benjamin Franklin 
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
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EastCoastB... Joined on 08-12-2001 East Coast! 53,469 Points | I just reread the title of you rpost. I mean... come on. You're "very emotionally hurt" because basically she said she doesn't like the same music as you? Really? You really need a reality check here if this is your reaction. She's allowed to have her opinions, just as you are. And, again, when it comes to LIVING IN HER HOUSE, you're going to have to give priority to HER opinions. Beggers can't be choosers. |
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"Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." ~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
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MiniMugLin... Joined on 07-05-2012 6,926 Points | EastCoastBride: I just reread the title of you rpost. I mean... come on. You're "very emotionally hurt" because basically she said she doesn't like the same music as you? Really? You really need a reality check here if this is your reaction. She's allowed to have her opinions, just as you are. And, again, when it comes to LIVING IN HER HOUSE, you're going to have to give priority to HER opinions. Beggers can't be choosers.
This! And yes, you do sound childish. I hope things get better for you and DH, but you really need to calm down and think about what is really important here, the fact that your DH is in pain and has no answeres, or the fact that someone doesn't like your music? |
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Ilumine Joined on 12-30-2005 Bitgerg Germany - Spangdahlem AFB 12,907 Points | If his back has been hurting since he was in the military, this would be a VA issue. So what has the VA said? Second, wanting one's wife at the appointment doesnt supercede the need for ANY financial resources coming in. GO GET A JOB and then maybe you wont HAVE TO live with his mother.... who by the way CAN ask you not to listen to whatever music she wants in the common space of HER house when she is paying YOUR bills. |
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Re: Here is the DD...
Ohhhh don't you love when people aren't hearing what they want so they delete the thread? Love it.