Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
New to Military LIfe and a New Wife - Already the Hubby is getting Deployed
Here's my board to vent on. Thankfully and hopefully someone out there will understand and offer so good advice
Well I'm a new wife. He's in the Air Force. Married June 30, and I just moved in with my husband Sept 5 (our official start on living together since we started dating). Now, he has orders for deployment the end of this month.
I'm kind of in shock - wedding, no honeymoon due to conflicting work schedules, moving to new state, finding a new job, living with my husband, new location, no where near friends and family and now deployment.
He keeps telling me to talk to women on base and sign up for their support groups. I'm totally clueless about military life but I have inquired about the spousal support group on base - Heart Link and hopefully will be getting in touch with other military women.
My only issue is that I'm not really a chit chat kind of girl - I'd rather be alone than putting myself in awkward position of meeting strangers. Even before moving I only had 3 close friendships. I think that some women are just not trustworthy and I don't want to meet the wrong person (i've heard some scary stories about military wives - from snobbish to adulterous).
So what's a shy girl like myself to do?
Re: New to Military LIfe and a New Wife - Already the Hubby is getting Deployed
I'm fairly shy myself and, trust me, in the last year I have met all kinds of women, from the completely normal to total loony toons. I tend to rely on my husband to a point. A good many of my female friends are women he works with or wives of the guys he has worked with. I have met people through those friends as well. I've also met a few women through some of the spouse education (for military info) that they offe on base. I know, being someone who is shy, how hard it is to step outside your comfort zone and just get out there and meet people. I really just had to get it in my head that I couldn't spend an entire deployment sitting at home alone or I'd drive myself batty. It became a moot point when I moved home for DH's recent deployment so I could complete an officer application and have a job in my degree field if i didn't get selected but I would never suggest that idea to anyone. It was the best option for me career wise but if it weren't for that II'd never do it again. There were times my family made me want to pull my hair out.
Id offer you a link to another board with some ladies that might be able to help but TN tends to delete the link and I don't want to risk losing the other advice I've given you.
Its tough, been with my military man for 2 years now and I still havent made any connections with the other female SO's. My advice would be to force youself out of your comfort zone and attend get togethers with your honey before he goes.
What about the people you work with? Could you see yourself making friends with them? Or try the gym on base, I've made a few acquaintances from workout classes (from yoga to spinning), even if you don't become good friends, everyone likes a distraction at the gym to chat their way through the miles on the treadmill with
GOOD luck with this deployment
It'll go by faster than you think!
I will risk my advice getting deleted. I was in the exact same place you were last year, except it wasn't the first deployment I'd been through and I was excited about it as an opportunity for H, even though it was a combat heavy trip for him. We got married, and four days later, he left for a month of training, came home for a month, and then left for seven months.
What kept me sane was my job. I had one other spouse friend from H's unit, but working kept me busy and not obsessed with what was going on for H. If you work, pick up extra hours if you've got that sort of job. If you're in school, study more. Work out. Watch what you want and do what you want. It's kind of fun if you look at it the right way.
If you want spouse friends, try a few activities offered. I did not, but a lot of spouses get a lot out of them. I don't want to denigrate them, but they just aren't my thing.
Eh being a shy girl myself you kind of just have to get over it. There really is no other option. You either get out there and meet friends or you don't. It's better to just get out of your comfort zone instead of constantly wonder "what if". And we have all heard the military wives stories....but does that mean you don't experience it yourself to see if it's really like that? I have absolutely NO FRIENDS in my state. All my friends are two hours away. I must mention my situation is different then yours now. But my husband was in the navy at one point and it sucked. You will regret not putting yourself out there.
And I also think you need to get over the mentality that women suck. Which I know you didn't outright say that..but it was implied. Women could seriously be extremely close if we weren't so b*tchy towards one another. Don't get me wrong there are some horrible women out there. But to not at least TRY to meet some good ones is silly. And if you meet some bad ones then....don't talk to them.
Just recently I joined the PTO for my sons school, joined a moms club, and became one of those classroom moms. I am effing excited for all these things coming up. I find out what classroom I am with in a PTO meeting coming up..never thought I would be excited for a meeting.