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The mystery known as "orgasm"
Ladies, I'm in dire need of some advice.
Let's start with a little background. I love making love. I have a very healthy libido and I know sometimes I frustrate hubby because I want it more than he does, but we've come to a nice compromise. I'm also not afraid to be "familiar" with myself. If I'm in the mood and he's not here, hey, why not. I have NEVER HAD AN ORGASM.
I get almost no satisfaction from penetration other than hubbys dangly-bits, so I focus on my happy button (even when I'm with hubby, happy button is my friend). I can feel I'm almost there, I'm really starting to enjoy myself, and WHAM! I lose it. I mean completely, 100% gone. I haven't changed anything, haven't even twitched my hips and it's G-O-N-E. I no longer even really FEEL anything anymore. It doesn't matter if we're having sex, if I'm using my hand, if I'm using a toy....my "O" gets up and walks away.
I'm beginning to think my lady parts are on strike, I don't have the orgasm gene, or that I should go to a sex therapist. WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH ME?!
Re: The mystery known as "orgasm"
Start masturbating.
And minus a toy: use your own fingers and hands.
This is the ONLY WAY to find out wat turns you on and wha makes you orgams.
Do it alone -- take your time and spend a through amount of time discovering your body and what touches make you go.
Give yourself a good 6 weeks, starting now -- and then show your H wat makes you orgasm.
There is also oral sex. I'll safely bet he's never gone down on you. If not, he needs to, starting NOW.
Agreed. I can never orgasm if I'm thinking about it or trying to. I focus on how good it feels right before the big moment (and honestly, that is my favorite part).
Happy button? Dangly bits? What's so wrong with using the correct words?
I learned very early on that sex is very mental for me. I think my husband gets turned on just by my looking at him and a swift touch, but I need a whole lot more than that and for my mind to be engaged. Once there, I needed to learn how to focus and achieve an orgasm. I learned to do this twice: 1. masturbation and 2. sex. I can have an organism with penetration, but it took work for me to figure out how. I still think the orgasms I get from masturbation are so much better.
I suggest you figure out how to get an orgasm out of masturbation first. Don't psych yourself out and don't go in thinking you're going to lose the feeling at the end.
I have the same problem when I use my hands, it's not just toys. And oral sex is nice, but it doesn't really "do" anything for me. I guess maybe the problem is I just don't know how to "relax." I mean, I don't THINK about it, but maybe I am? I always have fun no matter what I'm doing. Very confusing, I know; I don't know how else to explain it. Any pointers on relaxing?
And sorry about the weird wording
I was cracking myself up and made myself sound like an idiot lol
You need to find a way to touch yourself without focusing on a goal of having an orgasm, because I agree that you're psyching yourself out.
I agree as well. Though, sometimes for me, (when using vibrator) if it feels like I'm almost..almost..almost there and get a little frustrated, I stop for a minute or so (catch my breath and take a sip of water...gotta stay hydrated anyway, right? LOL), then when start again, it's like WHOA!! I realized that the clit can be over-stimulated sometimes, especially when you're trying to find that one little spot that tickles it to climax.
Since you said you've never had an orgasm, and we're suggesting mental distraction, do you think maybe when you think you're about to climax, that you think you're going to pee?? Because an orgasm does feel like that when you finally "allow" yourself to just let it go. My sister had this issue the first time she got eaten out and said it felt so good that she thought she was going to pee, and then stopped her boyfriend from continuing.
I didn't know what a real orgasm was until I started masterbating with vibrators, 10 years after losing my virginity, not even with oral from a man. Let it be warned though, once you finally do have that climactic explosion during sex or on your own, you don't want to stop the stimulation and you can keep going and going and going! So good luck!
There is nothing wrong with you. It took my husband and I a little while to finally figure it out. I could do it on my own, but it took a little bit for my DH and I to get it together. The previous poster says that once you do have an orgasm it's hard to stop. I say you take some time to learn about you and then help your husband and don't get frustrated.