Sex & Romance
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What do you think if your husband masturbates ....
when he is alone and he lies to you???? Is it wrong if he does it although he has a person that he can have sex with. This really bothers me bc I feel that he shouldnt be doing it since he got me. I was away durign the weekend and I checked the internet history and I saw some porn websites so I asked hom and he told me NO when I knew he did it. I then asked him again and he told me that he did. It also bothers me that he lied to me when it should be a very open relationship. He told me that "is not of my business" Pleae advise = )
Re: What do you think if your husband masturbates ....
Lying about it and saying it was "none of your business" was wrong, but I'm sorry, it sounds to me that you put him in a defensive position. Besides, it might be awkward for him to talk about. Additionally, do YOU masturbate? If you do, why shouldn't he? And if you DON'T, why not? Masturbation is completely healthy; sometimes you just need a certain something. Don't forget, his "man to hand relationship" has been with him a LOT longer than you've been with him. I'm not saying that you don't do what he needs, it's just....different.
If it really bothers you that much, sit down and have a rational conversation with him about it. I can almost guarantee he won't stop doing it though, it's just something people do. If it's the porn that has you bothered, maybe suggest to him that he watch you pleasure yourself and he masturbates.
It could be that he just missed you over the weekend, and that's how he coped.
You don't like it --- you see it as competition for you, you have religious reservations or you think he shouldn't be wasting his time jerking off.
Take your choice which or all are applicable.
You need to revamp your view toward masturbation --- do you do it? Chances are you do not.:)
Open relationship??? He's gonna report on the number of times he's jerked off???
I find masturbation hot so it never bothers me.
It does seem like you kind of attacked him. He probably already knew how you felt about it so why would he openly discuss it if he knew he was just going to get a guilt trip from you. Don't get me wrong..there are things you don't hide from a spouse. But you have to learn to choose your battles. Masturbating is an unspoken right. It is his body, his right to masturbate, and his right to not share it every time he does it. You really have no rights when it comes to him doing that.
To answer your question "What do you think if your husband masturbates?" I think "Great, now he will last longer when we have sex." or "Great, now I have the night off."
My husband is a happier person when he masturbates and that makes me happy. Sometimes, I am curious about what porn he is into so he shows me and we watch together.
What are your feelings about porn/masturbation? If he knows you don't like it, I can see why he would want to hide it. He shouldn't have lied about it but keep an open mind and be understanding.
I recall having a similar conversation with my sister about this topic. She is extremely insecure for who knows what reason (she's fit and gorgeous), and she HATES it when her boyfriend even sees boobs during a PG-13 movie, let alone watches porn. She basically puts watching porn on the same level as cheating which, in my opinion, is ridiculous. I agree with PP, I think he was lonely with you gone and just felt the urge, and he lied because he knew you would be angry, and probably felt that if he lied he wouldn't hurt your feelings or make you feel compared to or insecure. Masturbation is not comparable to sex. The only thing they have in common is pleasure. He doesn't have an emotional relationship with his hand, he has one with you. Masturbation is also NOT comparable to cheating. He is not choosing it over you. He is choosing to do it during times that you are unavailable, and I think it's selfish on your part to deny him the ability to fulfill his urge in your absence, unless you plan on standing by his side 24/7 ready to "get it on" at a moments notice.
As long as "taking care of business" solo and watching porn don't actually interfere with his ability/desire to have sex with you, why is it such a big deal to you in the first place?
DH and I have a "don't ask, don't tell" policy about porn and masturbation, and we have a pretty healthy sex life. As long as he's ready and willing when I'm in the mood (And it's not an addiction that's, like, preventing him from going to work or something), I really couldn't care less if he engages in watching porn or jacking it when I'm not even around to have sex with anyway.
I'm more than willing to start validating people's ideas when they start having ideas worth validating
QFT. Just read this a half dozen times or until it starts to sink in. Masturbation is healthy and normal and if you're not doing it, you should be. If for no other reason that it's fun and improves your partnered sex as well.
If my husband didn't masturbate when he was alone, I'd need to carry a tazer on me at all times and I'd never accomplish anything.
From what you describe, it sounds like he lied because he knows you don't approve of what he's doing and he didn't want to argue about it. I don't agree with lying but I also think you're being unreasonable so I can see why he thought that was his best bet. If you want your relationship to be open, you have to make him feel comfortable confiding in you. He's not going to do that if he feels attacked when he's honest.
Follow other posters advice. Masturbation is completely normal. For him and for you!
Every man, and most women do it. It's really not a big deal at all. I don't care if my husband does it, its not something I feel I need to know. But I the only thing I don't really like is the porn thing. I think He does not need to be looking at other chicks to get off! Just make your own
Some women are ok with it, and that's cool, to each his/her own. But without controlling his personal habits, explain that porn makes you feel unimportant and not needed, if this is a problem for you.
Also, he did lie because he thinks you would be furious with him, and he was trying to avoid that at all costs. Remember, all he wants is to make you happy. he's not perfect, he will F up, and he doesn't want you to know... I think the only way for you to get around it, is to let him know that he can do what he pleases, as long as he still feels like you turn him on and that he needs you sexually. And maybe set some boundaries you feel comfortable with. Just let him know, you won't be pissed (and really try not to be!) but maybe a little hurt... But being lied to hurts waaaayyy worse. Maybe you guys can make it fun, you give him a lap dance while he does his thing... That way you can both get more comfortable with the idea?
QFT. I love DH, but I don't want to be responsible for 100% of his orgasms. That's a lot of work!
I agree with everything that's been posted so far. Masturbation is a personal preference, but if you two disagree philosophically on it, this is going to come up again. One day, go watch some porn by yourself and just enjoy it. Or just touch yourself. Sometimes it's nice to just be in it for you and have a quickie, and that's probably part of what your husband was feeling. Additionally, you were away from home over the weekend; he didn't have you to go to for sex.
What you need to understand is that in general, men have a stronger NEED for sexual release than most women. Obviously women enjoy sex and I believe they should masturbate as often as they like; my husband feels the physical need to come more often than I do, though.
best.response.ever.
that is all.
There is NOTHING WRONG with masturbation. It IS none of your business. If this is how you feel about masturbation it doesn't surprise me that he has to hide it from you.
I had a worse-off problem with my man about the websites he was visiting
Because I don't mind porn at all and I don't ask about his masturbation but I have heard him tell his friends that he hardly ever does. We have sex almost everyday though, if not every other day, and usually can't even hold out while I'm on my time of the month! It's only 4 days too lol but we usually cave once
I would talk to him. I had to talk, and talk, and talk with my fiance about what happened between us about 8 months ago. And I still have a hard time trusting him sometimes, but we still talk about it from time to time if I think he's being naughty again!
Hope this helps. Also, you can message me if you ever need a trusting ear (:
For me its sort of don't ask don't tell. I don't care about whether or not he does it, I just don't particularly want to know about it, if that makes sense.
Porn on the other hand I am not okay with. We've discussed this and he was aware of this before we even were engaged.
Lying is wrong, but it seems you kind of give him no choice. Masturbation is normal and nature, even if one is in a relationship. It isn't like you're asking for sex and it is maturbating instead. You were away for the weekend.
Give the man a little leeway to please himself when you aren't around/ in the mood and he won't have to lie about it.
Well, it really isn't your business, to be frank. Do you tell him when you masturbate? Do you want him to keep a log of every time he masturbates? Are you going to make a spreadsheet for him?
Men are visual and like to masturbate to porn. It's just porn. Moving images on a screen. He's not with another woman and he's not cheating. He probably lied about it because he expected you to overreact- and you did.
With you not at home, I'm sure he was masterbating to release himself without emotional attachment. Next time you go away for a period of time suggest phone sex to him. Then you will know and won't have to grill him! www.naomisays.net
Naomi Says
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My husband and I both masturbate but don't talk about it to each other. It's a personal thing that can help alleviate stress, anxiety and hell! it feels good!! It's different than sex and sometimes you just need a release.
I think his response was inappropriate. You should sit down and talk to him about it. Masturbation is fine and dandy. He doesn't need to report to you about it but if caught in the act... Why don't you just help him out? Lend a hand
lol
As far as mastubating when he has someone to have sex with, I doubt its personal, unless he'd prefer to do that RATHER THAN have sex. You were away, and he got in the mood. I don't see a problem here. I'd work on being honest with each other, and if you have insecurities about him masturbating (which in my opinion you shouldn't), bring them up. Hell, get involved, take a fantasy he wants to do and make it happen!
Recently, went through a break-up over sexual tension and personal problems. My baby's father and I decided that neither of us like each other watching porn alone, masturbating is okay to do alone though (although it is kind of hard to do without something to kind of help you along, but not impossible). We just decided we would watch porn together like we only did but always enjoyed at the beginning of our relationship 3 1/2 years ago almost...
That being said, we also have many, many other issues than porn to work on...such a trust and communication and faithfulness
Best of luck to you!!!
But my laptop is HD
and the iPhone is just to small to see the good stuff!!
My husband and I have an open relationship....which by what I have read on TN so far, we might be the only ones. We live two hours apart for most of the week so if we didn't masterbate we would be prob explode.
And to touch on other pp, I don't see a prob with porn either.....Sex is an amazing thing and I don't see a prob watching it....we watch it together (on the hd screen of course) and on our own.
I guess I wont be a prude any time soon
eeekk...tee hee!
Ask him to let you know when he is going to masturbate (and return the favor if you masturbate also) so you aren't upset by finding out later, and it really is your business. Now if he is refusing sex in favor of watching porn and jacking off then you have a problem there but it seems as though it's just when you aren't around so I wouldn't worry about it too much if I were you.
I think it's healthy for my relationship. We work alternating shifts so we rarely have time with each other, maybe twice or three times a week we have the chance and even then one of us doesn't feel up to it. I see it like we each have a quota to fill and if one of us is not there to fill it we can do it ourselves (that seems a little mechanical and cold but that's just how I see it.)