Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Sexual rejection
My husband and married late in life. I was 49, he was 55. First time for us both! While we lived together for about a year before marrying. While I was not surprised that we have had our share of "adjustments" in this past 18 months, there is one thing we just can't seem to get past. We have always had great sex! Sure, we have "dry spells" like everyone else, but it's always good, usually great. ...problem is, whenever I mention sex, text about sex, or in anyway bring up the subject, he never acknowledges that I've said or written anything. Never. He changed the subject or is completely silent. It's as if I'd never spoken! So, at the end of the day, after work etc, we might talk about our day, household "business", maybe watch a movie if it's not too late, then go to bed. At that point he will either reach for me or just hold my hand while we go to sleep. Usually, sleep. I havetold him a number of times that the complete lack of acknowledgement makes me feel rejected. I have asked him to please, in some way, just acknowledge the fact that I said something. I understand that not everyone wants sex at the same time, and that he may not feel like sex just because I brought it up. He tells me he likes that I bring up sex, and that he wants me to continue to do so. We have been repeating g this cycle for months! I reach out(have also tried physical moves, lingerie, etc), get no response,feel rejected, talk to him about it, and he says he likes it and wants me to keep doing these things. After a while, I go out on that limb again...and get no acknowledgement. The cycle repeats yet again. BTW, he insists that he does not hav a problem with me referring to or iniating sex....I NEVER. get any response to verbal or written suggestions or even just flirting. I'd be satisfied with" sorry babe, that sounds great, but I'm really tired"! At least I wouldn't feel invisible, ignored, or unheard.
Would welcome any suggestions, please.
Re: Sexual rejection
He's not exactly a kid who still giggles when the 7th grade health teacher says "penis" or "testes." What I'm saying he's a little too old to be exhibiting the communication he's conveying when it comes to the discussion of sex.
He's got to be open and honest with you on all fronts and with all issues and problems, including those of a sexual matter:
...problem is, whenever I mention sex, text about sex, or in anyway bring up the subject, he never acknowledges that I've said or written anything. Never. He changed the subject or is completely silent. It's as if I'd never spoken!
But yet, he says he LIKES it when you discuss sex.
However though, it goes into one ear....and who knows into whence from there.:(
What you and he need to do:
Start communicating together.
Tell him exactly what you told us. He's got to get the message that he's not only got to be an adult about discussing sex, he has to also make sure your sexual satisfaction matters to him above all.
Forget the friggin written anything....nope, let it be verbal and let it be an open discussion between you and he.
If he continues to do this -- and you can tell him up front --- you and he will have to see a counselor about the communication problem.
He's got to meet you half way on sex and satisfaction; twice a week would be fabulous. 3 or maybe even 4 would be out of this world.
Wishing you luck with this. let us know how you make out.
PS: He says he's tired?
Would he turn down a nice hot bath for 2, along with some appetizers and some wine and some music piped in?
He can't keep putting you off.
It's doubtful he's got a medical cause happening. What I think is happening here is that there's a reason behind the sexual and intimacy disconnect that he's exhibiting.
Either he has decided no more sex or he's having an affair or something --- something is funky here. And you need to get down to the bottom of what's happening, so to speak.
He's saying one thing and showing you another action.
This is his cause to make sure you are happy -- and happy in all areas of your marriage, intimacy included. He can't drop the ball on this one.
56 and late 50s hardly makes him an impotent old fart. (I am about the same age as you guys; plenty of men I know, as well as plenty of women, in that age bracket are still hot and rarin' to go.) He's hardly ready for the boneyard and retirement community.
As i said, he owes it to you to start anteing up in the bedroom.
If what you say keeps falling on deaf ears or he refuses to make sure you are happy in the intimacy department, you do what's right by you. He either agrees to dissolve the marriage or he gives you permission to pursue an open relationship. You have needs and he needs to fulfill them. GL.
I don't really get it: you say you have good sex, but, then every time you initiate he rejects you?
Stop trying and see how long it takes for him to react....I don't know