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Too big of deal? Or not?
My husband has a trait that absolutely drives me crazy. He will, for example, spend all day telling me about how he can't wait to be home and spend time with me . . . . but as soon as he's home and we get a movie started or sit down to do something, he falls asleep. I spend most of my day at home alone as it is, since we don't have children and I'm currently not working while going to dental school. So when I do get my time with him and he falls asleep, it's like being at home all alone all over again. It makes me feel like I'm boring him or something, you know? Then I get frustrated because I feel like he's not even trying to stay awake and spend time with me when I or we want it? It happens all the time. What would you do if it was you? Am I overreacting? How should I approach this or should I leave it alone and just 'deal with it'?
Please help!
Re: Too big of deal? Or not?
I'm in a similar situation, just reversed. My hubby is in school part-time and working at a really lightweight job. He spends a lot of time at home while I work... A LOT. I spend all day missing him, but when I come home, all I want to do is fall asleep. Especially if it's after dark. If we put on a movie, it's a guarantee I'll be asleep in the first 5 min.
Try doing a less passive activity together, like playing cards or going for a walk. If his mind/body is engaged, he'll be less inclined to fall asleep. Munch on a snack or eat dinner while watching the movie. The only way I won't fall asleep on a movie is if I'm doing something at the same time, which is usually eating (be careful not to form unhealthy habits). Make sure to have regular date nights, or scheduled days off to spend together. That way you get the time you need and won't feel so lonely during the times that he does fall asleep on you. Most importantly, make sure he is getting enough sleep at night, is getting proper nutrition and water, and is not too stressed. Don't take him falling asleep personally; if he spends the day saying he misses you, he probably does.
It's the opposite in our house. Because of my work schedule, I never get more than 3 or 4 hours of sleep in a row. So pretty much any time I try to spend with my husband in the evening, I end up falling asleep. It has NOTHING to do with him and everything to do with me just being exhausted. I try to stay awake but I just can't.
I agree with PPs suggestion of doing something more involved. If we're talking or sitting in front of a bonfire or playing a game, I'm fine. But 5 minutes into the tv being on, you can be sure I'm going to be sound asleep.
Is it possible he has something like sleep apnea?
Does he snore? Is he a bit overweight?
If he snores, it's not only dangerous for sleep apnea, it can lead to other big problems with his health.
What's the rest of his backstory? Nonwithstanding a possible health issue, does he maybe have a very long commute or work very long hours so that by the time he gets home, he's completely fried and bushed?
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He's really probably just tired. If he's the sole earner in the house, he probably works pretty hard - especially in this economy.
I wouldn't take it personally, but I wouldn't expect him to come home bright eyed and bushy tailed after a long day at work.
I would schedule a specific time with him - not every day because that's unrealistic. But a time when he's just hanging with you like a date night. My H works weekdays and I work weekends - I couldn't imagine coming home ready to dole out attention after a day at my job and I'm really grateful he doesn't expect it. Just don't take it personally...
I'm impressed that you managed to make him working and being tired enough that he can't stay awake at night all about you. That takes skill.
How much does he work? What kind of work? Why don't you work? I'd be grateful he was workin his tail off to provide for us and wondering how I could take some things off of his plate. We also try to eat dinner at the table together, not in front of he tv, so we can chat. Also if you put a movie in and dim the lights I will fall asleep, guaranteed. It's not like we're interacting much while watching tv; if we want quality time we hang out on the porch, walk the dogs, play a game together.