newlywed....needing help

lmc0128

I love my husband, more than anything in this world. If I didn't, I wouldn't have married him. We've been married for 9 months the 28th of this month. (September) and I never knew that marriage would be this hard. He's a totally different person than the man I fell in love with. When I try to talk to him about my feelings towards him or how he feels towards me, he shuts down completely. The communication between us is almost non existent, and he acts more like I'm his girlfriend, or his best friend of the opposite sex, rather than his wife. With that being said, there's a chance that I could be pregnant, and I'm wondering how can I fix my marriage to where I feel wanted, safe, and happy with my husband again. I'm tired of being pushed away.

iverske9

Sounds like couples therapy...he needs to learn to communicate especially if a baby is on the way, because if you think it is hard now, just wait. Hope it gets better and if you are not pregnant, make sure you use birth control until you get your marriage in a healthy spot.

rikkidawn28

I second that advice.

Couple's counseling is the first step.

TarponMonoxide

You had this communication problem before you got married. You either ignored it or glossed it over or wrote it of as it being not a bad problem.

He can't shut down; that's childish and sophomoric.

You and he need couples therapy, stat.

momluvslgg

Hi Imc0128 ~ I'm sorry to hear that you are experiencing such difficulties in your relationship. It must be really stressful dealing with this while possibly being pregnant too. I wanted to let you know that there's a free counseling helpline at 1-855-771-HELP (4357) through the place that I work, Focus on the Family. I also found some helpful articles that may relate to some of the issues you mentioned, "When Expectations Meet Reality" and "Communication and Conflict". I'm praying for you!

jellymayville

I am also recently married (5 days) .. I am trying to be realistic about Marriage and not let it change our relationship. We have been living together for 16 months, I think that is why I don't think much has changed. 

I love the feeling of having a husband and being a wife. I am trying to be the best wife I can for my husband.. other than loving him more, nothing has changed ...  

swardm

here is my 2 cents as I have helped many in this situation because alot of women look up to me on how my communication with my typical man (husband) seems to work and also always helps them....(when then ask me)..first off, we dont think like guys; period.  With that being said you've got to stop "working him" the same way over and over expecting a different outcome.  If he isnt talking when you want to talk about something its because of one of two reasons:  A. he doesnt want to tell you the truth nor lie to you...or B. what you call talking, he calls nagging whining needy..etc.  Maybe before you were married,  he handled it better because you two were not around each other 24/7.  He actually got a break from you so to speak.  Now, you have got to go about it a different way...I know it sounds offbeat but you got to start trying to think like a guy to get what you want FROM your guy.  Its like talking in english to a spanish speaking person...its just not gonna sink in what your needing.  Get it???  ONly YOU can figure out really how to put in the right words that best suit your guys personality but mine being a "he-man" (an ironworker for petes sake lol) if I need to find out whats going on in his mind or make sure in my female brain that all is "ok" it has to be short answers and short questions.  (think about how your guy talks...Im guessing its short and to the point typically?)  Anyway,  I ususally go about it in this manner:  "hey sweetie how was your day? (listen)  then no matter WHAT he says I add something like:  oh wow you sure had a tough one...I am so glad that you are my man and I appreciate so much how hard you work for us.  (even though I do too but I dont say that)  Then I go on to say stuff that REALLY builds him up (ego) whatever is going on at that time but remember keep it simple...THEN carefully, if my man doesnt already start talking cause most of the time he starts givng me compliments by then and HE gets mushy ,  we kick back and I ask him BOOM whatever is on my mind...and here is the important part:  ALWAYS make sure he is looking at you and you touch either your hand to his chest OR lightly grab his bicep (upper arm)...works most EVERY time if you do it right.   Also, ALWAYS keep your voice low and almost sexy...he will listen more closely.  The one thing I have learned that NEVER NEVER works:  Telling HIM what YOU do for him.  Or even TRY to do for him.  He sees.  My husband  dotes on me just like he did when we first started dating 6 years ago.  We rarely fight...because of other ways we set in place to keep from it.  ( I can elaborate if anyone is interested) He knows that I work him...and he is fine with it...he actually LOVES it... Says all of his buddies are jealous because he has a non nagging wife...and guess what else...he NEVER chooses to go out with the guys unless he can bring me...even though I TRY to get him to...he says he would just rather stay in.. with me...hes my fave.  I hope my book report hahahah....has given you something to think about and to try.  if you fail the first time...just keep doing it and get better at it...I promise it works...once you hit it on the head.  Therapy will really only be helpful if your husband has something that he is truly hiding like a secret that he is afraid that you might find out..which I am betting is not the case...typically, its exactly what I wrote about.  Keep us posted!