Trouble in Paradise
Mrs.JK
member
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Found out dh is a member of fetish group
Found out by accident. Dh is a member of a fetish group. His fetish is being Dom and being called daddy. Said he was looking for women to boss aroun etc. I don't what to think. What would u do?
Re: Found out dh is a member of fetish group
To me, if it physically harms nobody, involves nothing illegal and if your partner is comfortable with the fetish, it's okay.
Are you comfortable with the fetish?
If you are, perhaps you can indulge him.
I think the OP was saying she found out he was actively seeking someone to live out the fantasy with....???
Is that correct OP? Because then it isnt ok.
A website to hook up with others...NOT okay. Show him the door in that case.
I am curious to know how you found out he was using an alias and how you found out he came to wind up on this website.
Not to hook up with others just to chat about it....like a fantasy chat room?
Your husband does not have a fetish. He has a kink.
You need to find out about the depth of his kink. Is it something he has just been curious about? Has he ever actually lived out some of his fantasies? With previous lovers? A professional submissive? With a random hookup?
If he has actually acted on his fantasies in his past, ask him why he never mentioned it to you. This may be painful, but he may not have felt that you would be receptive to such play. He may have a madonna/whore complex and feel that you just don't do this kind of thing with your wife. He may feel deep shame for his kink - that this kind of play is disrespectful to women in general (while still feeling pulled towards it). You need to get to the bottom of why he never shared this with you.
Are you willing to explore this with him? Are you open to reading more about **responsible** and **respectful** Dom/sub play to see if you are interested? If you are interested in doing this kind of play, both of you should do a lot of reading, negotiate boundaries and experiment with some very light play. If you live near a large city, you may want to look for a public play space or a private play party where you can observe kinky play. Many people try to jump right into heavy play and get thoroughly freaked out. Remember, no one is born a skilled dominant.
If you have no interest in exploring this area, consider letting him live this fantasy out with other people. He can play with a professional submissive or find a local playgroup for an occasional party to get his ya-yas out.
What!!?!
So if it's my fantasy to have sex with a different hot man each week, my H should let me live this fantasy out? I mean, yes, sure, there are relationships that are open to this but why should she suddenly consent to be in an open marriage?
She's just looking for some business!
She's just looking for some business!
I believe my wording was quite clear. If the OP has no interest in exploring this kink with her husband, she could CONSIDER giving her husband permission to explore this kink with other people. They could discuss limits and boundaries for such play and make an agreement together.
I believe my wording was quite clear. If the OP has no interest in exploring this kink with her husband, she could CONSIDER giving her husband permission to explore this kink with other people. They could discuss limits and boundaries for such play and make an agreement together.
|Gimme a break.
And beats me how you showed up here when this post materialized.
Gimme a break.
And beats me how you showed up here when this post materialized.
This is obviously an AE because people frequently have negative responses to professional dominatrixes (as evidenced by your assumption that I was drumming up business). I have not made my living as a domme for many years, so I have nothing to gain here except a chance to share some information about BDSM. I answer from this account when a kink question pops up.
Call him "daddy" next time you are having sex and see how he reacts??? Bring in some handcuffs or maybe a riding crop if you feel you can handle it and see if you can spice it up????
IMO looking for an online relationship, even if only to discuss these types of things, is a betrayal of trust. I don't want my husband having sex with another woman or even talking about it with some strange woman online. As his spouse, I better be the only one he's having/talking about it with.
That being said, there are couples who are perfectly happy being swingers or letting their spouse go with someone else. To each their own. It's about what YOU can or can't handle and what YOU feel is or isn't a betrayal of trust.
This is obviously an AE because people frequently have negative responses to professional dominatrixes (as evidenced by your assumption that I was drumming up business). I have not made my living as a domme for many years, so I have nothing to gain here except a chance to share some information about BDSM. I answer from this account when a kink question pops up.
Haha...did you not read her addy?
Maybe she wants to hook up with him!
Personally I don't have anything against a fantasy, but by no means should "sex chat" be allowed even over the internet (IF you are not ok with it fine!! But it's not OK in my books!!)! It's another form of cheating IMO!!
If you are part of an honest, loving, committed relationship, and one of you has a kink the other has tried but does not get any pleasure from, there's nothing wrong with discussing alternate possibilities if it is important enough to one of them to have it fulfilled. Considering possibilities doesn't mean you're giving your guy permission to go around screwing whoever he wants, that's a selfish way to perceive the situation.
btw as far as kinks go, domination and "daddy" scenarios are pretty tame. I agree that that is something you can totally explore with him. LOTS of discussion on boundaries and comfort zones, and baby steps. you'll be fine.