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Remember Me?
Wow, I forgot my profile on here existed. Good thing too, I need an outlet badly.
I just feel like the world is on top of my shoulders, existing only to crush me. I'm still grossly underemployed and being harrassed every day. Still searching for that job but I just found out my city is the number 2 city in the country to not look for jobs.
Married life sucks. No matter how many times I communicate with this man over and over, it never sinks into his head. I am not happy with a man who doesn't understand why I never want to go out socializing with him. He's a social alcoholic, I've told this to him numerous times. Why go out with him only to be his babysitter? Why do I want to have sex with a man, whose only method of foreplay is sticking his junk in my face? Even though I've told him over and over it's disrespectful. How would he feel if I just approached him and put my vag in his face? There's no romance, no passion, just two people of the opposite sex coexisting.
Why don't I just leave? you may ask. Well, besides not being able to afford to living on my own, my parents will not support me in any way. They see his behaviors, his methods and habits and even they ask what the F is wrong with him. But if I start talking about how truly unhappy I am with my H, they keep telling me that I can't just "F the goat and come home". First off, thanks for putting the image in my head. Now I see my H as a goat. 2nd, your own child is unhappy and the reasons provided to me is that "I look like a rebellious 15 year old. We're Catholic (uh, not me)", and "you are too individualized. You need to come down and learn how to play (i.e conform) with others."
So not only am I not happy in other aspects of my life, my parents now start harping about how me being me is completely wrong and I need to change everything that is me. I can't wear the clothing I'm wearing, I can't have the hair color that I have (it's a natural color too!). Why does this make me feel like a teenager again? Yeah I have the right to say that I can do what I want. But at what price? To be harped on continuously nonstop until I cave and play by their rules again?
Sorry if it's a jumble. I just don't know what to do. I've been so depressed these past few months that everything is just cloudy. I'm unable to formulate a plan or even goals at the moment.
Re: Remember Me?
I can only say this, "Why do I want to have sex with a man, whose only method of foreplay is sticking his junk in my face? Even though I've told him over and over it's disrespectful."
Well to be honest it's a form of foreplay, to correct you though it's not disrespectful. For the record, most men I know wouldn't mind a vag in the face. It's the first place I put my face with my wife.
Other than that portion there I didn't really follow anything on your high powered rant. I do understand you have an alcoholic as a husband social or not he doesn't know how to have fun with out drinking and it's pretty clear you're not happy about being the DD all the time. Have you considered a intervention?
Not when you're sitting on the couch and suddenly he's beside you with his pants pulled down and his boner poking you in the cheek. It's like this, he gives me two tells that he wants sex, either poking me with his boner in the face or grabbing me and throwing me down on the bed and pinning me. Kinda violent isn't it?
As for the rest, I warned it was a jumble. Our friends know he's a social alcoholic, my parents know...can I stage an intervention? Sure, but it'd be only me. He's not affecting anyone else's lives so they don't really see the need to intervene.
Are you agreeing to the sex or is he just pinning you down and doing whatever he damn well pleases? I probably call an abuse hotline, but then again if I had two working legs I would use them to walk out the door.
What are you doing to change your life? Are you saving to get out? Have you consulted an attorney? Why do you expect your parents to help you when you don't help yourself? They aren't going to be supportive and you know this, so figure out how to do it on your own.
I agree sticking it is disrespectful to stick a penis in a person's face and I think the first time he did it after you told him to stop, you should have smacked it like it was a snake.
I am sorry you are so unhappy. Is there any chance of moving... not far just far enough for a new start & possible jobs? It sounds as though you don't have a support system where you are so maybe fresh start would be helpful. What does H think about your job situation? Perhaps he & your family & friends would help ya'll with the move if it were for you to get a job. Have ya'll tried counseling?
Sorry if I am way off... I am new & no I don't remember you but I like your screen name a lot.
What I meant when I said my parents won't support me is that they won't offer emotional support. I don't expect them to let me back home or give me money, but I had hoped for the emotional and mental support of my parents, but they have washed their hands of me, per se.
As for grabbing and pinning, sometimes I'll go with the flow to get him to stop bugging me for a couple weeks, other times I'll get up and walk away, telling him that's not how I wanted sex.
In this case, it was one of those "damn, we should've lived together". Trust me, he was not like this when we first married. We didn't live together before marriage (I was forbidden to....yeah thanks for throwing the smackdown on me moving out of the house before marriage and then yell at me when H's living conditions suck).
He adores me, he cares about me, he just doesn't have a clue in his Xanax riddled brain and that really irritates me because I like a man with awareness and common sense. Apparently I did not marry this man.
Simply put - if your not happy you need to leave. It sounds like you checked out a long time ago and you do not want to try and make it work. So it's time to get everything in a row and prepare to leave because things aren't going to get any better unless he changes. And he won't change or try to unless he knows something is wrong.
I understand that you need him to maintain your lifestyle but you need to weigh your happiness and your lifestyle and decide what is more important. It might be time to start saving and putting money away so you can make a move.
It sucks that you won't have the emotional support from your parents during this time and hopefully things change when you start to get things together to end your marriage. Have you considered support groups or anyone else that can emotionally be there for you? Good luck with whatever you decide to do!
is it your marriage you're not happy with, or is it yourself you're not happy with?
If you don't like your life, than do something about it. If you don't want to be on your own, than you need to figure out how to either accept your husband for who he is or find a way to communicate with him - he's your husband.
Nobody is perfect, no man, no woman.
Oh I know that no one is perfect. I think you asked the important question I've been facing. My answer is, I'm not happy in my life at all. I have wasted so much of my life, allowed hurdles to bring me down, that nothing will make me happy. I can't remember the last time I was truly happy (and this includes my wedding). I always saw myself as an independent, living on my own, being able to follow my own goals and dreams. Instead I'm dependent on my husband, living in a condo I didn't want to get but had no say, without a thought or clue as to how my future will proceed.
My biggest fault is that I take too much account into what other people think. I am such a people pleaser that I don't even think about myself or let anyone else think about me. I want to leave but I have so much guilt and sadness that I can't bring myself to do so. Besides I don't have any means to leave even if I could. I know it takes me to make me happy. But even I don't want to be me lol.