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How to divorce your mother?
I tried to give my mother the benefit of the doubt and repair our relationship. She never apologized and my family is making it worse so I'm trying to sever it. Now my mom has her family continuing to do her dirty work to get involved.
My mother had no intention of keeping promises she's made, she's spread lies about me and my husband, invaded my privacy, made herself the victim and has never apologized for her actions, rather, manipulates people to think they are in the wrong. I told everyone she got involved that I will forgive her when and if she asks for it, and it hasn't happened in 9 months so... I changed my phone number, blocked her on Facebook and changed my e-mail address. It took a month for her to figure it out, so she mailed a letter telling me to call her. I didn't, so a few days after that she called my husband. He texted her saying he gave me the message.
The last time I stopped talking to her, she showed up the night before my honeymoon ready for battle (her excuse was that she thought I was dead). I have an inkling that there may be some kind of family event this weekend and it will reflect badly on her if I am not there, so, I'm pretty sure she will show up at my doorstep again...(Also of note: I've gotten FB messages this past week from every other family member that lives in her close proximity to call my mother when I haven't heard from any of them in almost a year)
I don't want to live in fear the next few days. Should I reply somehow that if she shows up I will call the police? Too drastic?
Re: How to divorce your mother?
She sounds like she's possibly mentally unbalanced.
As a safeguard, I'd walk into your local police station and report these incidents. One never knows; you don't want an incident on your hands.
And at the very least, you don't want another one of her nutty episides on your hands.
Indeed cut her out of your lives for good. Discontinue contact; change your phone numbers and do what you gotta do.
I completely agree with Tarpon. She sounds like she's unstable. I would definately contact the police to give a heads up. I would possibly go as far (if this is all that serious of a situation) as getting a restraining order. If you fear that she may do something harmful or try to start something physical this would certainly be your best best.
I'm not sure how they work, but I'm pretty sure that the local police would deliver it to her so she has a copy. But I could be wrong. Never had to dish one out before. Thank God.
Best of luck and keep us posted on anything that may happen (fingers crossed for you that they don't)!
Thanks guys,
I've been pretty conflicted because my friends keep saying, "it's your mother, just accept that she has issues but, don't cut her out of your life." But, do I really want a person I cannot trust or rely on to have contact with my future children, etc.? blah!
It sucks cuz my mother always makes me feel like I'm in the wrong, I just don't want a part of it anymore ...
Fingers crossed nothing happens this weekend, I don't want my nice neighborhood looking like an episode of Cops
If she has not always been like this, on the off chance I am wondering if there is a possibility she's taking meds and there's some kind of funky drug interaction that's causing bizzare behavior -- or maybe she's supposed to take a med for some disorder and hasn't and hence, her behavior is uh vile.:(
If not that, she's got a problem. And she needs to be evaluated --- perhaps she's even got a thyroid problem she has no clue she's got; you can bet that can cause bizzare and confrontational behavior. (fixable with meds)
update: I found out there definitely was an event planned for the 22nd, but it got canceled.
Now, I have a barrage of FB messages from my mother's side of the family asking why I changed my contact info, etc...
Do I just explain that this issue between my mother and me doesn't concern them? What if they persist?
You start de-friending these people on FB. What's the point in sending you a message like that? And if you aren't close with them anyway, what does it hurt to just de-friend them? If they ask why, say that you don't feel that FB is an appropriate place to discuss sensitive family issues.
And so what if they persist? Be curt in your response and tell them that you feel that they are being inappropriate and that you won't be discussing it with them. Then change the subject. They persist? Hang up. Stop chatting. Walk away.
Good luck. It's hard, but I think you're handling it well so far.
Chronically hilarious - you'll split your stitches!
I wrote a book! Bucket list CHECK!
http://notesfortheirtherapist.blogspot.co.uk