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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Are you a Wife first or a Mom first?
I recently got married (this past weekend) to the most amazing man ever!!! I have 2 children from a previous relationship (common-law).
Do you put your Husband first or your children?
My marriage is important to me, I want to have a successful marriage. But at the same time, my children have always been my number 1 priority. How do you juggle both?
Re: Are you a Wife first or a Mom first?
This isn't a "what comes first" question to me as much as it is about priorities.
Honestly, DS always "comes first" - he's a young child and largely dependant on us. We have to be there for him. On many levels. If he goes to bed and DH and I finally have time to hang out w/ one another and we're putting each other "first" - if DS wakes up for some reason, guess what? He is now "first" again. That's simply the reality of having kids.
But in the bigger picture, my marriage is absolutely a major priority. It's not so much that it "comes first", but we have to put energy and effort into our marriage. I'm a very strong believer that a happy marriage leads to happy parents which leads to happy home life which leads to happy kid.
DH and I make time for one another. We have a date night occasionally, we'll have my parents watch DS so that we can go out w/ friends. We haven't forgotten that we are still independant adults who have interests outside of our son - so we make time for that other aspect of ourselves - both as individuals and also as a couple.
I hope that makes sense. Kids pretty much always come first in the day to day routine, but my marriage is a big priority that we make time for.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I don't think its an issue of putting one before the other...
DH and I have four children 11, 13,15, 17. Our marriage is definately important to both of us. I think in order for us to have a successful marriage, all of our children need to be top priority in a different way than each other. We make sure we have plenty of alone time and work on our relationship staying strong everyday. I think the point I'm trying to make is that, if our children are not high on both of our priority list, it will affect our marriage.
Both are high priority, but our children......are children and they depend on us as adults to guide them and set example.
This is a loaded question. It's easy to think that just because you choose one over the other, that one has to be ignored at the expense of the other. With that being said, I don't think this has to happen, and I believe that my marriage must come first. This doesn't mean that I will ignore my children. I believe that the stronger our marriage, the better example we will set for our children, the more stable our home life will be, and it will only strengthen our family unit. It does not have to be at the expense of our children. However, I do see how, if I constantly put my children's needs over my husband's, it can affect our marriage, which would affect my own personal needs, which would affect my ability to be there for my children.
My children will not be neglected or scarred for life if my husband and I take one night a week or one weekend every month or two to reconnect and just be with each other.
I try to keep them balanced. For me, part of being a good mother is maintaining my marriage. If I end up divorced, that's going to effect my son in a huge way. So I still try to make my marriage a priority, even though it's harder with a kid in the house.
But if you're asking strictly who comes first, it's my kid hands down. If I could only pull one of them from a burning building, DH is on his own.
This...how do you teach your children about loving relationships if you don't make sure you are in a strong relationship and have a united front...you can't have that if you don't put a ton of effort into making your marriage a priority in your life.
My Blog:Through My Eyes
My parents always put me first. It was their biggest flaw.
I kind of have a 'put your own oxygen mask on first' approach. You can't be a good parent without being a good spouse. Kids really need the security of knowing their parents love and value each other and their marriage. Our kids know we'd lay down our lives for them, like any other parents, but we still put our marriage first.
As a child of a "broken home," I strongly suggest that you put your children first. When my mom remarried after she and my dad divorced, it was obvious that she put her new husband before me. Our relationship deteriorated to the point that as soon as I turned 18, I moved in with my grandparents and didn't speak to my mother for over a year. Then, even when we finally did start talking again, our relationship had serious issues. My mother has since divorced her second husband, realized she was an idiot, and now we have a great relationship.
I am now 25, married, and a new mom. I see all the care and love I put into my son and my husband as work put into our family unit. I don't see that there is even a choice to be made. My husband and I are in this together, but obviously our newborn son needs the most attention at this point. It certainly is a much more difficult situation when a step-parent is brought into the equation.