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Dumb Newlywed Question alert lol: how do husbands and wives plan their daily / weekly schedules?
ok i feel like i really need to preface this post with "i am not a total idiot" lol I know I am asking a really dumb question, but I have a successful career and a masters degree so its not like i'm stupid it is just that sadly the only exposure to married people is from TV & movies and I am not sure they make the best role models lol
i was raised by single people (grandma and uncle) so I never got to see how married life works. i have lived with a few roommates, but mostly by myself since i was 18 until getting married last year (at 39) and now I am of course living with my husband. I have always been very independent so the concept of having this whole other human being around is a little perplexing for me lol
I am a very active on the go kind of gal and I live and die by my plannerbook--otherwise i would never know when or where to show up lol
My husband pretty much goes to work and then comes home and its pretty content planted in from of the TV.
And all of this is fine--except I honestly do not know how to plan my marriage into my day or if I even need to at all lol For example with roommates I would work, eat, sleep etc when i wanted and they would do the same and we each come and go as we pleased etc.
But now I have a person who i'm sorta merged with--we share finances, living space, everything! Do we still just plan our days like we would if we were single and then specifically plan our time together--like a date night or whatever.
Or do we plan our week together like it is assumed we will be spending our "non-working" time together--like we will eat dinner together every night, and spend our weekends doing whatever together as a couple and if one of us wants to go out with their friends we schedule that but first check in with the other to see if they had something planned for us?
Does any of this make sense? I know I probably win the award for dumbest question on this board, but I am honestly confused about it--without being a complete idiot about the rest of my life lol
Re: Dumb Newlywed Question alert lol: how do husbands and wives plan their daily / weekly schedules?
I don't think it's a dumb question at all, but I do think you're asking the wrong people. You and your husband need to decide what works for you. Every couple is very different.
My husband and I schedule what we need to during our week. It seems like every Sunday night we end up talking about the week ahead, mentioning any changes from our typical schedule. For our weekends, we usually spend them together, but if we have other things that come up, we simply mention it to the other. It's usually not so much a "checking with them" as a notification, really.
That's what works for us.
"Or do we plan our week together like it is assumed we will be spending our "non-working" time together--like we will eat dinner together every night, and spend our weekends doing whatever together as a couple and if one of us wants to go out with their friends we schedule that but first check in with the other to see if they had something planned for us? "
Pretty much this.
You don't need to be together all the time on weekends and after work. Still do any normal after work or weekend activities (ex: yoga, gym, art class, girls night) the rest of the time expect to spend it with your husband. Eat dinner together, watch shows you both like together, play board games, go for walks, do chores together. Yet if you just feel like being alone to read or whatever just head into the other room and do it (or go out if you want).
Its good to check with your spouse if your going out to do something. you can say I'd like to do x sometime this week (or a specific day), do you have anything planned for us? The asking is more of a courtesy thing really.
I personally like date nights. We haven't had any recently but that's ok. We have gone on a couple of trips this year already. Our dates aren't weekly, bi weekly or monthly. They just happen when we need or want one. Not all people go on dates after getting married and that's ok too. It's just whatever works for the couple.
Communication is key. You'll both find what works best for you two eventually.
I think you're overthinking this. Just talk to your DH and try things until you figure out what works for you. My husband and I just take a few minutes at the beginning of the week to talk about what's coming up and make sure we have no conflicts. Then we wing it. We both work weird schedules so usually we just do dinner together. But we check in and if someone is feeling neglected, we see where we can fit in some alone time.
But honestly before we had a kid, we just did our own thing and when we were both home, we hung out together. When we were sick of each other, someone would go in the other room.
Thanks Guys--great advice!
That is typically what we have been doing, but since I'm really the only one that plans stuff to do besides work, I wanted to make sure I wasn't being inconsiderate or anything.
I asked him how he wanted to handle it, but he is one of those "whatever you want to do is fine" people which sometimes makes it hard to gauge...
And thanks for responding so politely and not calling me crazy or anything like that lol
I don't think it's a dumb question, but like PP mentioned, every couple is different.
We generally try to eat dinner together every night, if possible (which it has not been lately) and sometimes weekend breakfasts. I would love to schedule regular date nights but so far they've just come up and worked out.
As PP said, it's more of a courtesy to ask your spouse about any plans but you should not be asking permission to do something (go out without them). You're still you. But at the end of the day, you're married to your best friend.
Sit down with your DH and find what's right for you. Even though he may seem lenient, really ask how he feels about the situation - does he want his alone time? does he want to leave the house with you? etc.
As pp said every couple is different...to give some more ideas this is what we do:
We assume that we are eating dinner together and we have a date night once a week (we don't always go out, but its an evening that is reserved for just us, so we know we cant plan things with other people or by ourselves, as its us time)
Weekends we assume we are going to be together unless something comes up. (IE I volunteer 1 saturday a month, H doesn't come with me; H sometimes goes to his parents without me to work on the car with his dad on saturdays etc)
If we are doing things seperately they go on the calander so that we know what eachother is doing. Also we tend to ask the other if its ok (not for permission, more out of curtasy and to let them know our plans).
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We pretty much just assume we'll be eating and or hanging out together, and if something else comes up where one or the other wants to do something different we just kind of run it by the other. Not so much "asking permission" as much as just sort of an FYI and making sure that they don't have anything else planned. We've only been married 10 months but so far thats worked for us.
We eat together almost every night, with very few exceptions. We try to have a date night at least monthly or so just to keep from getting too much in a routine. And occasionally we'll have lunch during the week.
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