Thoughts on "A Moral Case for Sex Before Marriage"

8allison8

Can anyone give thoughts on this article: http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2012/sep/24/moral-case-for-sex-before-marriage? This author says, "So here it goes: having sex before marriage is the best choice for nearly everyone."

She claims premarital sex leads to more stable marriages and "Not everyone is sexually compatible, so figure that *** out before you walk down the aisle." Pshaw - sexual compatiblity is something you work on and cultivate in a marriage; people aren't born good lovers, they are made through communication, understanding, and love.

I for one, participated in premarital sex before I met my husband, but one we realized we were "the one" we abstained until our marriage. It made the wedding night the most wonderful experience I could have even imagined and it was one of the best decisions we ever made.  Is there anyone else out there that can see where I am coming from?

kwitherington

I actually think what you and your husband did fits perfectly under the central argument of the article - the author's point isn't that everyone should have sex before marriage, but that no one should be judged for their choices.   I think she's partially pointing out that it's ridiculous how much we are judged for the choice of having premarital sex, when the vast majority of people do.  I've had friends who have waited for marriage, and that was the right choice for them.  I didn't, and that was the right choice for me.  I don't judge them for their choice, and I'd hope they don't judge me for mine.

shelovesfrodo

DH and I abstained for religious reasons, and we are very glad we did. I think there is a (somewhat deserved) stereotype of conservative {insert religious sect} people being stodgy and prudish when it comes to sex; however, as devoted Christians, we get rocking the house pretty good over here.

I agree with you, OP, sexual preferences are cultivated, and, in a healthy marriage, each party should be willing to try new things with their partner, or at least give valid reasons for declining. We may have been wide-eyed virgins, but we certainly aren't any more, and if you ask either one of us, it's pretty dang awesome.

~NB~

There is absolutely nothing immoral about sex between consenting adults.

I'm leaving out people who lie to their spouses.

 

ReturnOfKuus

I don't see where you're coming from on having a deliberate dry spell after having sex, but yes, I'm glad we didn't wait until after the wedding.  Even if everything went perfectly as planned, we'd still get nothing more out of having waited than extra celibacy, and really who wants that?

srgw

shelovesfrodo:

DH and I abstained for religious reasons, and we are very glad we did. I think there is a (somewhat deserved) stereotype of conservative {insert religious sect} people being stodgy and prudish when it comes to sex; however, as devoted Christians, we get rocking the house pretty good over here.

I agree with you, OP, sexual preferences are cultivated, and, in a healthy marriage, each party should be willing to try new things with their partner, or at least give valid reasons for declining. We may have been wide-eyed virgins, but we certainly aren't any more, and if you ask either one of us, it's pretty dang awesome.

All of this, especially the bolded.