Sex & Romance
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Not getting enough in bed

I find it funny i'm even writing this post  Smile but I  need a few ideas on how to adress this with DH. We are newlyweds married 3 weeks DH has never been a "raring to go" kinda guy meaning hooking up 2 nights in a row doesn't happen very often. Anyways we had a pretty good every other night thing going on while engaged. Once we got married I just assumed our intimate time would increase or at least stay the same but it went down! DH will watch TV sometimes until I fall asleep other times he will hit the pillow and pass out in 5 minutes, theres even the times I intiated and hes told me he has to get up early and turned me down!...Not to sound like a complete horn-ball but I want it more often and when he turns me down it really irks me but I don't push the issue and i try to be respectful but i'm totally feeling like the guy in the relationship here...don't get me wrong  he is a big cuddler and very affectionate but i want more at times...

 So last night I finally asked him what was up and hinted around how many days it had been, he pretty much told me that he was aware of how long it had been and mentioned a few things about not wanting it to get boring and I guess the anticipation of waiting a few days...while i truly want to respect his reasons It sounds like hes afraid sex will get lame and hes trying to perserve it? Other times its like he seriously just isn't in the mood... In the meantime i'm about to pass out from sexual frustration LOL...any thoughts on how to adress this tactfully? I know one day will come when I won't be so "raring to go" possibly after kids and I would want him to be respectful of my needs at that time so in a way i don't want to make this a big deal....thoughts....

Re: Not getting enough in bed

  • YOu need to work on this together a bit more and talk about it often.

    He needs to meet you at least halfway. Twice a week would be great. Three times a week would be magnificent.

    If you and he do not wish to have sex get routine: again, work on this together.  Trying tried and true methods like jumping his bones when he comes through the door, jumping in the shower with him when he's in it and out and out seduction works, too.

    Or you might kidnap him, take him up to the bedroom and then let 'er rip.:)
  • When he starts with the excuses, just sit on his face.
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  • If you'll consider a male comment?.....

     

    Something young women have trouble getting their heads around is the essential sexual difference between men and themselves.....  Women can have unlimited sex and if some added inspiration comes along they can always be aroused to orgasm again.....

     

    However, men are limited by the amount of semen their bodies produce.   Most men,..young ones anyway, usually equate sex with erection and ejaculation.   Erection is largely determined by the amount of semen ready for ejaculation,..so, once the supply is used up erection is difficult until the supply is renewed.

     

    Because of this many men in new sexual relationships (or increased activity ones) suddenly realise that they will never be able to keep up with their women's capability and start to feel a little threatened....  They can actually be frightened that they will 'not get it up' and look ridiculous in their girls eyes.

     

    As a man, if you have difficulty keeping pace with a woman's desire you have to get clever about pacing yourself and providing what she wants,when she wants it,...this means thinking aout sex/love making in a new more sensual way and about harbouring ones er, 'resources'...    Some sessions need to be just for her pleasure and as a man, you need to concentrate on doing a good job!...sometimes this means perhaps NOT ejaculating so that you can be ready to go again sooner,...also, getting better with love making skills such as oral and digital stimulation can be vital in giving more orgasms without depleteing yourself too quickly!

     

    So, to the OP I would say;..try to build your husbands potency and encourage him to use all of his assets in bed,......try to suggest that he refrains from ejaculation on at least some occaisions,..and encourage him to perform daily 'kegel' type excercises as these help a lot in increasing erection quality and the time he can maintain it for,...Above all, don't let him feel he is inadequate and always encourage his efforts while telling him how important his continued loving is to you!

  • "However, men are limited by the amount of semen their bodies produce.   Most men,..young ones anyway, usually equate sex with erection and ejaculation.   Erection is largely determined by the amount of semen ready for ejaculation,..so, once the supply is used up erection is difficult until the supply is renewed."

     

     Really man?  I'm a guy 36, once I ejaculate if you give me two minutes of down time my penis is back and ready for more.   

  • image~NB~:
    When he starts with the excuses, just sit on his face.


    Excellent!

    Just push him down and do it.;)
  • Just wanted come back to reality hear.  The amount of semen or sperm a man has accumulated has NOTHING to do with if he can get an erection or not.  Sounds very convincing your argument but completly not true. 

    Sometimes peoples sex drives just dont match up.  I agree a compromise may be in order but the most important part is comunication so that both people feel validated and heard. 

  • I completely understand where you're coming from!! We're not even married yet, and we're having the same problem. It's extremely frustrating and causing problems in our relationship, I think. We don't talk as much as we used to. When I bring this up, he gets mad, "apologizes" for being tired, and rolls over. He says he's stressed at work, which I admit and agree to 100%. If I text him and even HINT at having sex, or just letting me do something for him (wink wink), he won't even respond to my text. When I asked him why he doesn't respond, he just plays dumb and pretends he doesn't know what text I'm talking about. Glad to know I'm not the only one in this situation, but sorry to hear you share it with me. Hopefully, someone will respond with a good insight or suggestion. :) 


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  • Unless you can have an honest and open dialogue about what the problem is, what you can do about it, or where you can meet in the middle this will keep coming up.  I dated a guy for 6 years, our sexual drives never matched.  I always felt like i was begging for sex.  He did many of the things shroeder mentioned.  If a guy is REALLY into you, he will want to have sex with you.  Even if he knows hes tired and has no intentions of actually orgasming himself.  

     My new boyfriend of one year would never make me feel rejected like this.  Even he doesnt match me completely, but he'll play around with me even if he's tired or whatever it is.  Thats fine with me if he doesn't want to get off.  Of course in any relationship there is going to be the occasion where someone just doesn't want to.  But it sounds like this is more than that.  

    It wasnt until after I broke up with this guy that I realized that communication was lacking not only in the sexual department, but in many other areas.  You may want to take a look at the bigger picture here.  What else won't this guy meet you half way on? 

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