Family Matters
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
MIL and the diamond from her failed marriage- WWYD
We are still a few years away from kids, but DH's overbearing mother will not shut up about how she can't wait to give her first granddaughter the "beautiful 1.67 carat diamond" from her failed marriage 10 years ago. I personally feel that it is strange that she still has the diamond, and I don't like what it represents. MIL and FIL were married for about 10 years and the entire marriage was abusive and hostile. They do not get along to this day. I don't want the diamond in my family because it represents a broken marriage. DH agrees but he knows it is going to crush her when we refuse it. He thinks we should nip this in the bud now even though kids are far away and the gift of the diamond probably years after that. I wish MIL would sell the diamond and gift her first granddaughter with a college fund or even another piece of jewelry, but DH knows that MIL loves that diamond for some reason. She talks about giving the diamond almost every time we speak, which is at least weekly. Am I overthinking this?
Re: MIL and the diamond from her failed marriage- WWYD
It's a diamond and it's not so strange she still has it. Why shouldn't she?
She was married to her H in happier times; there still is great sentimental value to it.
Besides, no matter what their marital status is, your grandma will still be your grandma and your grand dad will still be your grand dad. And for your H, you rmom will still be your mom and your dad will still be your dad.:)
Think about when your xFIL gave your MIL the ring -- think of how happy they were and how they were looking forward to a life together for two. That's the whole gist of it, to me.:)
It's still the ring Grandpa gave to Grandma.:) That's how I think of it.
Let your MIL's plans remain as is. Besides, you never know -- she may change her mind, or keep the ring or sell it or do something else with it.
I wouldn't even say anything to her. I'd let it go at that.
I agree with this...diamonds are expensive and I think you should be gracious about her decision to give it to her (potential) grandchild. It doesn't represent faild relatioships, it represnts a grandmother passing somethign of great value down through the family.
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and even if she' is getting engaged int he future, by rights you don't use a ring or diamond that belongs to you already. Let the guy buy whatever you want.
She could have it set into another kind of ring to wear, or a pendant or something for herself in the way of a gemstone ring with a diamond in the middle that's not an engagement ring type ring.
She could sell it to finance her college education. She can do a great many things with it. she may even want to pass it on to her eldest child.
I have my mother's ering. I bought one of those diamond inserts/wraps and I wear it like an every day ring. It looks nothing like an engagement ring.:)
I'm assuming that Grandma would be giving the granddaughter the ring when she comes "of age" - 18 at least. Then you would have no say in it. Until that time, yes you and your H do have a say in what your child receives. But like the other posters, I don't see the big deal - I don't think it's going to have negative juju. And the diamond can be reset in a different piece of jewelry.
I wouldn't say that's you're overthinking, but I would say that you're not thinking clearly.
What's all kinds of wrong about this is the disparity and unhappy feelings sure to come from a grandparent gifting one child with something of significant value and not her sibs or cousins. It's a recipe for family drama.
No marriage that created your DH and by extension made a potential grandchild possible is all bad. It's just a chunk of carbon, one that may have considerable value or not depending on the quality.
i see a 2fold issue here. first-you dont even have kids so no-thinking about nipping it in the bud now, imo, is just silly.
2nd YOU see it as representing a failed marriage--but it's NOT YOUR DIAMOND. it's Mil's and has sentimental value and is something that she wants to pass to your daughter (if you ever have one). YOUR view on the diamond is not important. It's MIL's view that is.
it's not between you and MIL, its between MIL and her future granddaughter.
dont be the gift gestapo. let your MIL give something that she values highly to her granddaughter.
My engagement ring has been passed down through my husband's family for more than 100 years. My ILs had a hideous marriage and a nasty divorce and still can't be in the same room together 25 years later.
I can honestly say I've never once looked at my ring and thought of it as a symbol of my ILs failed marriage. I look at it as a gift from my husband.
Why can't the diamond just be a gift between grandmother and granddaughter? If it doesn't bother your MIL, I don't really get why it would bother you. And I really wouldn't open a can of worms to "nip this in the bud" when you don't even know when/if you will have children, much less if you'll have a girl. This may never even be an issue.
The diamond from my engagement ring is from my in laws' failed marriage. After that it was reset into a new engagement ring for my husband's first fiance.
Really, I don't care about the history. I told my husband to reuse it for me - why make someone buy something they already have (you want her to sell it to give your not even conceived daughter a piece of jewelry when she already has a piece to give her...that is just wrong).