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Mothers...
This is my first time on here posting, ever. Mothers seem to be a big topic, which makes me feel slightly better.
My own mom has been a struggle my entire life but it seems to be getting worse the older I get. She was absolutely horrific during my wedding process and has continued down the same pather ever since. She seems to have a way to find fault in everything that I do, nothing is ever good enough or correct. She never seems happy with anyone or anything. She has never once apologized to me in my entire life. She turns everything into my fault and I end up caving in and apologizing becuase I strongly dislike conflict and enjoy being happy! She started an argument with me in the car back in May and has not spoken to me since. I hate to cave into this AGAIN because I want her to know that it is not ok to treat me this way and I cannot continue to deal with this walking on eggshells around her. I actually saw her yesterday morning and she never acknowledged that she saw me after I said hello as I walked by...
Thoughts on how to deal with her? I am thinking of going to a therpist myself just to learn ways to deal so that I don't feel like I am always having to take the blame for things that I never even do.
Re: Mothers...
Her problem can be anything: menopause, mental issue, communication problem where all she is is divisive and confrontational -- whatever it is, you don't need it.
Maybe talk to a therapist to sort some of this out. At best, she's a handful. GL.
None of the above justify an entire lifetime of abuse.
I will concede that perhaps consulting a counselor (together). I can't think of anything else that may help.
Good luck!
You've taken a great step to rid youself of someone who treats you horribly- don't cave in now! Go to counselling, to help you come to terms with the fact that your mother isn't the loving mom you deserve. Allow yourself time to grieve that loss, and celebrate the fact that you're strong enough to stand up for yourself now!
Just remember, you wouldn't put up with a friend or stranger treating you this way- why should you just because of genetics? Family should treat you BETTER than anyone else in this world, not worse.
I agree with all this. Don't put up with it, you deserve better. Move on & find closure, it's not easy but the peace & freedom will be WORTH IT!
stop playing into her crazy and stop apologizing for something that wasn't your fault.
unless you get over this 'dont like conflict' thing and this auto-apology i wouldn't ever expect anything to change.
you really have to ask yourself 'does anyone really like conflict? everyone jsut wants to be happy right?; there you go. your 'i just apologize because i dont like conflict' is a WEAK WEAK excuse for you not being able to stand up for yourself. you will have conflict in your life and you have to deal with it-not just poo poo it away with unnecessary apologies.
TTC 19 months ~Started RE in March 2014~
DH was not ready for IUI so we waited
~Started acupuncture in May 2014~
~~BFP 7/6/14~~~EDD 3/14/15~~It's a girl!!~~
Exactly. Excellent advice. I mean would you let your husband treat you like this. What about a friend, a boss or a coworker ? I certainly would hope not. Like Alithebride said, conflict is just a part of life and dealing with it in a healthy manner is the best thing you can learn for yourself.
FWIW, I my parents kept toxic grandparents in our lives for the very same reason. They let us be called brats, spoiled, dumb and all sorts of other abusvie words. My parents did nothing to stop it because, well they too didn't like conflict amd thought it was all something we had to suffer through for the sake of family. Do you know what I learned during those years ? That is was ok for people to treat me and my parents like that. I learned that keeping the family peace with people who obviously cared little for us was more important than self worth. I have talked to my mom about why they allowed all that to happen and my mom said she thinks it was one of the biggest parenting mistakes she ever made. If she could have gone back in time she would have put her foot down and even cut them out of our lives.
Mark my words. This abuse will not end with you. If she treats you like this, she will treat your children like this. Is that what you want for them ? Is that the life lesson you want to teach them ?
My "mother" situation is very similar. After the wedding hubby and i moved 200 miles away. She has only called once since then. Hubby and I decided to just cut her out, and honestly it has been great. No more arguing or conflict between hubby and I since my mother was very good at guilting me, so im happier not having her in my life. I guess she is as well. My advice, just cut her out. If she wanted to be involved in your new life than she would, she seems that she doesnt though so don't take it out on yourself. I myself, will be seeking therapy just to get help with moving past things that she did all my life and helping to move on considering i will never recieve an apology.
Good luck!