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Name calling
This isn't a big issue, but more annoying than anything. My mother in law likes to call me by my first and middle name because she thinks it's cute. She thinks it's also cute that my middle name is half her first name. I just hate being called by my first and middle name. Even my parents and grandparents don't call me that anymore. I need some advice on how to get her to stop. Why is this so difficult? She is really fragile. I mean is you have to be careful what you say around her. Like if you don't like something she does, she thinks you hate her. I know I just to say something but she all ready thinks I don't like her because I didn't like some old lamps she had.
Oh and yes, my dh is staying out of this one. I've all ready talked to him about it and he won't get involved.
Re: Name calling
His tacitness is telling his mother "it's okay if you call my wife Ethyl Olive. Keep on doing it."
This is an H problem, not a MIL problem...as usual.
Why won't your DH get involved? If this is his Mom that he's always known and grown up with, surely he's developed a way of dealing with her- what is his way? Never, ever saying no to her? Saying no and walking away from the resulting firestorm of "Now you hate me! You hate me!"? Picking his battles, and giving in on everything else?
If he's a pick-your-battles type, I'd talk to him again and say, "Being called Jenny Sue is something we need to speak up about. I need to ask her to please call me just Jenny- any suggestions on how to phrase it to her?"
But if his way of dealing with her is to never say no to her, that's worth a more serious discussion. At the end of the day, somebody who punishes you for saying any version of "No, thank you" or "Please stop _____" is manipulative, plain and simple.
The DH issue aside, can't you just say something like, "MIL, I would really prefer if you just call me first name. My parents always used first name middle name when I was in trouble and hearing it now startles me."
MIL please just call me 'name here'. I really dont like it when people use my middle name. Even though you think it's cute it irritates me.
I think this is least likely to upset her if she's emotionally unstable.
That said, I don't really get why this is a big deal. My husband's grandmother calls me a diminutive form of my name that I hate. So do my relatives who've known me my whole life. But I know it's a habit and it's just meant as a term of endearment so I just let it go and refer to myself by what I prefer to be called.
If she is really that emotionally fragile, I don't think this is the hill you want to die on. When I saw the title, I assumed she was going to be calling you b!tch or something. Clearly she is doing this as a way to try and connect with you and to show she likes you.
If you are really set on correcting her, I think Vikkie's advice is good for that.
The reason he won't get involved is because he says something to her for me, she thinks I don't like her. She is so fragile that you really have to be careful with what you say to her.
I don't hate my name I just do not like being called it. I just never have. I know I may break a rule, but my real name is Lyndsay Lou. A lot of people call me that without knowing it's my actual name. I can tell them I don't like and they won't call me that again.