DH not lasting...

brij2006

So I've been with my husband for over 8 years. In that time we have lived together for 3 years, and just got married 2 months ago. We have always had an issue of him not being able to last very long, and in our earlier years of dating I figured he would grow out of it since we were each others' firsts and young.  Here we are, over 8 years later, and it still lasts the same amount of time it did when we were younger.

Anyone have any tips or suggestions? We have tried taking it out when he is closer in hopes to stop it, both going slow and fast with foreplay, doing it a lot in one day in hopes that he is "tired", and we have even tried a c*ck ring to stop it from happening. None of which work. I love that he still finds me attractive, and gets excited this quickly.  But it is frustrating both of us because he feels that he is never giving me anything, and as soon as we start, he is done.

DaringMiss

There are many techniques for working past premature ejaculation.  It sounds as though your husband is willing to talk about it and deal with it (props to your DH - lots of guys won't even admit there is a problem) so try some of these suggestions:

http://www.menshealth.com/health/6-steps-beat-pe

And if that doesn't seem to be working, I might suggest a very very low dose anti-depressant.  Since antidepressants do seem to suppress the sex drive in some people, they have been used theraputically to slow down a man's ejaculation.

http://blogs.webmd.com/mental-health/2011/04/the-good-and-the-bad-of-antidepressants-sexual-side-effects.html

See the bottom paragraph for the note on premature ejaculation. 

artbyallie

Also, what kind of time frame are we talking here? Honestly, the overall average time for all men in the world, from penetration to ejaculation, is barely over 5 minutes.

Since women generally take longer than that to climax, you need to make sure you get yours either before he enters or you get very close, using whatever methods happen to work for you.

ROFL ATTACK

The Penguin Atlas of Sexual Human Behavior says it lasts about 15-20 minutes. The Kinsey Institute reports that 75% of all males reach orgasm within 2 minutes of penetration; thus pushing the average down to 3-5 minutes. In other words, men differ from one another sexually (especially through nature and nurture) to be able to pinpoint any true average. I really had to look that up, before I agreed with you 

tooquick1

Does he have a quick trigger when you perform oral ? If not just ask him to imagine that you are performing that on him while you are having intercourse.

Another thing could be that when he masturbates he does so in a quick fashion so he is almost trained to *** quickly. That happened to me so I made myself last longer while masturbating by slowing down and taking my time.

brij2006

It's usually around 30 seconds to a minute.  30 seconds or less if there is foreplay, a minute if we just go.

fgky

I am not that quick, but we try a lotion for staying power that de-sensitizes things or their are rubbers that also desensitizes me.  It makes a huge difference with the rubber.  If I put it on during foreplay and wear it prior to sex, it will prolong things to the point I have to take it off b/c it wears wife out.  I am talking 20-45 minutes.  The lotion in the rubber makes a big difference as does the rubber.  I know trojan makes them and they are called extended pleasure or some such name. 

brij2006

He is actually not as quick when it comes to oral, so maybe we will need to try that.

We have also used the Extended Pleasure condoms, just have never put them on during foreplay. So we will have to try that too. Hopefully it will desensitize him enough beforehand.

Thanks everyone for your input.

TarponMonoxide

THe horse is out of the barn but yep, when this issue was new, he should have had it looked into.

Has he tried the old "Pretend you are screwing your math teacher/history teacher/whatever ugly teacher it is he had" to slow himself down?  Or the ole "think about baseball" technique --- he need to slow down.

you can slow the action down, too --- when things heat up, go back to necking and don't touch any of his erogenous zones.

You might also see a sex therapist about this -- he or she can give you more input into this and give you other things to try to slow the action down.

annmarie714

I'm not sure how well it works because we haven't used it yet but I got a cream from Pure Romance that is supposed to make him last longer.  He usually lasts about 3 minutes so he wanted to last longer to please me, so he asked that I put it on my "wish list" for my bach. party.

FSUalum

I've found that silicone based lube is so slippery that it reduces friction a lot and helps me last longer. But we rarely use it for vaginal sex because of this and it's a pain to clean up. I also notice that I last longer if she's on top initially. Just try different things and see if it makes a difference- although I'm sure you've done that already. 

The other thing you can do is let him get off, then get him erect again and see if a second erection lasts longer... 

vlagrl29

artbyallie:

Also, what kind of time frame are we talking here? Honestly, the overall average time for all men in the world, from penetration to ejaculation, is barely over 5 minutes.

Since women generally take longer than that to climax, you need to make sure you get yours either before he enters or you get very close, using whatever methods happen to work for you.

dang, that's not long at all.  regarding the post - can he still keep it hard after he ejaculates the first time?  My husband will usually finish before me, but he keeps going afterwards until i get mine plus a few more. 

brij2006

Unfortunately, he isn't able to get hard again right away afterwards. We have to wait at least an hour or so. We've also tried him watching tv during it, or focusing on other things. It will work for a little bit, but then he can't stand it.

He was 18 when we first started, so there was no way he was going to go see someone about this problem. However he did ask his doctor about it a few years ago, and was told he will grow out of it. 

We will just try some of the other techniques listed above, and we did discuss his "state of mind" during it. So hopefully if he focuses on going slow, it will help.

vlagrl29

brij2006:

Unfortunately, he isn't able to get hard again right away afterwards. We have to wait at least an hour or so. We've also tried him watching tv during it, or focusing on other things. It will work for a little bit, but then he can't stand it.

He was 18 when we first started, so there was no way he was going to go see someone about this problem. However he did ask his doctor about it a few years ago, and was told he will grow out of it. 

We will just try some of the other techniques listed above, and we did discuss his "state of mind" during it. So hopefully if he focuses on going slow, it will help.

weird that a doctor would say he would grow out of it.  that's just silly.  I dated a guy when I was 22, he was 31 and had this same issue. 

kalaway

Anyone have any tips on how to bring this issue up with your guy?

 My DH will often apologizing for not lasting longer but then he never does anything about it. I've tried gently suggesting one thing or another but he always shrugs it off like 'well that won't work'.

To me, if he's apologizing that means he wants a solution right?