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My estranged brother and his threats (long)
My brother and I have been estranged for years after I got sick of the constant threats, intimidation, harassment that I have endured over the years pretty much since childhood. He has been physically violent with me in the past and said the most vile things to me. The only way that I have been able to cope with him is to cut him off. All or any contact is now done through sms to DH and is only ever in relation to our mother.
We were in Italy for close to 5 weeks and returned home Tuesday night.
Yesterday afternoon, DH received an extremely threatening sms from my brother accusing me of having provided his former partner with advice and threatening to report me to my professional body. An sms was sent back suggesting that he should check his facts as we had been in Italy for 5 weeks and I could not possibly have done so.
A foul, accusatory and defamatory sms message then followed where he yet again threatened to complain to my professional body if he had any suspicion that I involved myself in his family's affairs. A reply was sent explaining that this was the first that we had heard of these issues & that no advice had been provided to his former partner and there was no intention or desire to do so as there was no desire to get involved.
Instead of apologising for accusing me wrongly, he then sends another sms saying "Good. She has before. That's all....& keep Mum out of it."
The background to my involvement was that 3 years ago she rang me because my brother (we were already estranged then) had caused her to be served with a restraining order that involved me as well. She told me that she was considering ignoring it. I told her at the time that she could not ignore it as it was a court order and that she should seek legal advice. She asked if I knew anyone and I gave her a few names. THAT was the extent of my involvement.
I cannot cope any more with these hideous threats. His threats have absolutely no basis but he is incredibly vindictive, an accomplished liar and seems to be able to manipulate people and situations. This latest explosion has come out of nowhere.
Given that I believe that my brother suffers from paranoia, I fear that anything I do or don't do will be interpreted by him as "interference." I have tried to fly under the radar, live my life happily with DH and keep out of his way but clearly that is not working at the moment.
DH has had minimal contact with him via sms over the last year and a half.
DH is the sweetest man and so calm but even he is furious that my brother is now using him as a conduit to threaten me.
The complicating factor is that I suffer from MS and have not been able to stop trembling since yesterday so this nonsense is badly affecting my health.
I don't know what to do anymore. Any advice anyone can give me would be greatly appreciated.
I apologise for the length of this post. If you have read the whole post - thank you.
Re: My estranged brother and his threats (long)
I don't know that I would engage him at all. You know what he's saying is false, so why respond?
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
You know for a fact you didn't provide any info, then let it go. You weren't involved and shouldn't feel bad that he is accusing you of doing something you didn't.
As for the SMS, I would block him or ignore it. I know I can block certain numbers for calls and SMS. If you can't block him, then tell you DH to ignore them and delete upon receiving them. Tell him you don't want to know if your brother sends an SMS.
If that still doesn't work, then take it further (legally). You sound you know the laws so you know if you can court order him from contacting you in any way. If he won't quit threatening you, then take it to the level.
Your physical, mental, and emotional health is FAR more important than him getting to threaten/torture you.
And good luck!!
I think this is an appropriate response. Just let it go.
Block him. And you don't even need to know if he tries to contact you, from now on.
This!
There is no reason for you to keep in contact with your brother. Even for your mother. There is no rule saying that two children of the same parent need to coordinate care - no matter what her health or state of mind is.
DH has responsibility for making sure that his dad is taken care of and his bills are paid. He has several siblings (who can't be bothered), and only deals with his brother (and only because he feels that there should be two siblings involved in the bill paying so that no one can later accuse him of taking his dad's money).
Make sure your mom knows you will have no contact with your brother, and she has a choice about her financial or healthcare - if it involves your brother, you will not be involved.
As for his hateful messages - ignore him. I'm glad you blocked the number. Most likely he harrasses you to feel big and powerful. When his rants are met with crickets from your side, he'll realize he has no power.
Wow! I am sorry your dealing with this! I thought I had a screwed up family! The only thing I would do in your situation...if he ever tries to contact with a instant message...is send him a fake message...Stating error code 12..101 the subscriber is no longer in service. That way he will stop trying to harrass you with instant messages. It worked on my ex husband. LOL, I used our wedding date! I still don't think he got it!