FI is talking baby. Need advice.

charbakes

We're getting married in May, and will be honeymooning for a week in Bora Bora. I'm excited. It's going to be awesome.

 However, recently I noticed that one of my Depo shots is during the week of the honeymoon, right smack dab in the middle of it. My gynos office is closed now, so I can't call, but I told my FI about it, since I was kind of freaking out about it. 

 His response was really surprising. He basically said "Well, you probably wouldn't get pregnant anyway, and if we come back with a honeymoon baby it'll be a happy accident."

 Kids are great. I love kids. I'd like kids. But not now. Definitely not now. And my FI knows this- we've talked about kids and agreed that we'd wait at least 5 years before trying. We talked about it and he still insists on the 5 years before trying thing, but now he's saying that an unexpected pregnancy would be an okay thing to happen. Now he's saying "happy accident" a lot and is saying that I should just chill about the Depo.

 I'm confused on a lot of levels. First of all, what about my shot? Would it be okay to just get it before the wedding? I don't want to use condoms, but I don't want to mess up my hormones either. Second of all, what's up with my FI? Has he changed his mind? Should I talk to him more about it? Whenever I do it doesn't go anywhere. Am I overreacting?

chi-wine-lady

I know too many people who got pregnant right away, so I'd recommend contacting your Dr to figure out the shot issue or get pill for that while you are away.  A baby coming right out of the wedding is often very difficult and I've seen more than 1 marriage end after that happening (too much too soon).  I get what your fiance is saying but he's not the one who's going to be pregnant...you need to look out for yourself at this point so you don't stress over the honeymoon.

Golden42

I would talk to your doctor about the Depo shot. Maybe he can fix the schedule or provide you with a couple of months of the pill. And there's always condoms.

I know that a lot of people feel that if you have an oops baby after you are married it isn't as big of a deal as if you aren't married. In some ways, I kind of get that and feel that way too. But I think you need to have a talk with your FI and make sure he is still committed to actively preventing a baby.

entropicbeauty

Everyone is different, but the depo shot contains a LOT of hormones. My sister tried actively to get pregnant after using the depo shot and it took months before she was able to conceive. 

 I would say don't freak out TOO much, but condoms are a perfectly acceptable back-up form of BC and like PPs suggested you could always make a switch to the pill for a couple of months if you're that worried. 

keringtonp

Well, just wait to get the shot after the honeymoon, and use condoms. If you don't want to do that, then i guess get the shot before the wedding. However, your FI needs to be in agreement with you on continuing the hormonal birth control. Yes it's your body, but when you get married it's both of you all's future. When you agree to marry him, your body is not just your own in this sense (same with his). It's unfair to be taking birth control, if he really wants children. This is something that you both should agree on. It seems that your FI may have changed his mind. He's probably thinking that if you both are married, then children wouldn't be such a bad thing. Many people have this mindset. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby...You should talk to him more about it, because having a baby isn't a decision like deciding to buy a sub for lunch one day. It's one of the biggest decisions that you'll ever make. Once you have a child, that's a HUGE responsibility, it's the responsibility of LIFE for at least 18 years. Plus he's not the one carrying around a baby for nine months and experiencing the wear and tear this has on a body. If he doesn't want to talk about this, maybe you should make sure that you're not coming off too pushy. And don't try to control the conversation. You might have to compromise, five years is a bit long to wait to have kids for some people, so maybe wait only around two? And I do think that you're overreacting a bit, he probably will change his mind around spring. You're not getting married until May. Don't worry about it so much.