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Am I broken?
I have been married for 3 weeks now but have been with and sexually active with DH for nearly three years. At 22 he was my first and has been my only partner. Before him I had done everything but. I wasn't much into manual stimulation with my hand (still am not) but used a vibrator before having sex and I think it ruined me. In the nearly 3 years we've been having sex I've only had TWO orgasms during intercourse (without the use of a toy). And we have sex pretty frequently (3-5 times a week throughout our entire relationship) so it isn't like we aren't practicing. He is eager to please me and we now regularly bring a vibrator into the bed with us so we can share our climax (I normally let him bring it up so he doesn't resent it and he brings it up regularly). He does also perform oral on me but even when I'm squirming with pleasure the whole time, it can sometimes take 25-30 minutes which I know is exhaustive for him and not exactly a time frame we can carve out everyday.
I am insanely attracted to DH and want sex pretty regularly. I don't feel dissatisfied with our sex life as a whole because even without the big finale I LOVE having sex with DH. I just wish we could share the experience to its fullest without a toy and sometimes DH feels like it is his not doing something or I'm not attracted to him (he especially feels this when his weight fluctuates). I sometimes joke with him that I was born without a g-spot because all my orgasms have come from stimulating my cl*t. We've done it from a ton of different angles, read books, done it fast and slow, with foreplay and without. Right now I feel like I may need to explore my own body with other ways (besides a vibrator) to get me there. Because we have sex regularly though, I don't really masturbate much so, should I explore with DH or by myself (feels weird to leave him out of this but could require a lot of patience and trial and error)? I enjoy my virbrator and love my husband for being willing to incorporate itinto our love life to pleasure me but do I need to hide them so that I don't desensitize myself anymore? I know the elusive female orgasm is a problem for many but I feel like in all our "practicing" and researching we are missing something. Anyone else figure it out after a while? and How?
Re: Am I broken?
I just want to reassure you by saying you are not broken. There are many women, myself included that haven't been able to, or have a hard time, achieve the "Big O". That includes women new to sex and those who are very experienced. It's nothing to be ashamed about or to be hard on yourself about. Think of it this way, some women are able to do the splits and some are not, but that doesn't mean that the person who can't has something wrong with them, just a different body.
I have had sex for the last 4 years and have only experienced the "Big O" a handful of times, most of them being very recent. I have never achieved it without help, each time has been while masturbating during sex. I notice that I start out by being stimulated on the outside (the clit), but then reach a climax and am able to achieve the "Big O". Usually I will do reverse cowgirl, with DH inside me, and not moving very much, while I masturbate. This seems to work. There are a few other positions that work also, like me laying on my back with DH standing at the side of the bed. Basically, find a good position that allows you to masturbate and just have him slowly go in and out, or not move at all, at least the first few times.
Another thing to remember is that most of an orgasm comes from the mental part of you, so don't over think anything, just try to enjoy it. Good luck!
You're not broken. A LOT of women can't get off from the actual act. That's what foreplay is for.
I do think you should do some exploring, both on your own and with DH since you seem concerned though. And ditto PP, it's mostly mental so relax and don't overthink it!
THIS. I didn't have an orgasm during sex for the first seven YEARS of being sexually active with my husband. Even now, it's achieved manually or orally (or with a vibrator). Some women are just built differently. There's nothing wrong about that. Just keep trying different things you're both into. You'll find satisfaction.