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Family issues. Long but please help!
I am the youngest of 3 children and my whole life i have known that my sister and brother were raised by a different mother than I was. The crazy thing is that it is actually the same women. I am six years apart from my sister and 3 years apart from my brother. For some reason we were never treated the same by my mom i have always kind of thought its because my sister was the first born and my brother is the only boy. But anyway our family has had problems for a long time. My dad lost his job in 07 and hasnt been able to find anything steady since and my mom, sister, and brother hate him for it. To be honest my parents should have divorced years ago, but hes my dad and I love him. So i think the fact that i go out of my way to help my dad feel not so lonely is part of the issue. and now me and my sister are at odds because i couldnt/didnt really want to drive to my nephews birthday party. (i know that sounds horrible but in my defense i work six days a week and it was a 5.5 hour drive one way) so i decided i didnt want to fight and called my sister and told her i would be there and she told me she didnt want me to come. And since she is always right and can do no wrong my mother is also mad at me.
Now the big problem with this is that I got engaged in march and now after all these disagreements my mom and sister dont want to talk to me. So with my sister i could kind of care less right now. She and I have never gotten along and since this isnt about her she doesnt really care but with my mom I cant even get her interested. In the beginning she said she wanted to buy my dress i didnt ask i didnt say anything about it. she completely brought it up on her own. (and yes i know without my dad having a job it is tight for them. which is why i didnt ask) so then today she told me she didnt want to pay for it. It doesnt even matter to me that we already figured out our budget and stuff, we can just save a little more money. Really i dont care about that. Its the fact that she doesnt care about anything. My fiance told me to ignore them for a little while and see what happens but i cant help it i keep calling her and trying to ask her about wedding stuff and she is just so whatever about it. It really hurts that she could care less. I just dont know what to do.
Re: Family issues. Long but please help!
My dad lost his job in 07 and hasnt been able to find anything steady since and my mom, sister, and brother hate him for it.
This is positively wrong and way out of line.
Your dad is one of many very long term unemployed people -- blame the economy, blame outsourcing and offshoring, blame the times (I have gone on interviews where these hiring managers ask for the most outrageous things: interviewing 12 people for what is not a managerial or high-end position. It's just crazy and just outrageous) It's so wrong to pin the rose on your father for something he cannot change -- and ageism exists. You are either "too young" or "too old" to these hiring managers.
If your mother and siblings are so negative and treat you badly or very indifferently, perhaps you are better off ceasing contact with them. They only seem to have one mission: not treating you with love and warmth and like a true family member.
I think you and your FI are better off planning a very small affair and asking only your nearest and dearest. Why should you invite people who are at ends with you? I wouldn't ask them.
There is a clergyperson that you can speak to about all of this, if you are religious -- if a cleric isn't your kind of thing, try a therapist or social worker. Families can sure have a way of getting under your skin; you need to get a lot of this off your chest.
Sorry you're in the spot you are in. Hoping things improve soon --- life is much much too short for dvisiveness and nonsense when it comes to family members. GL.
No one's going to care as much about your wedding as you do. Not even your sister. It's YOUR wedding, not hers.
She offered to pay for your dress, then reneged on that promise when she was mad at you over something silly. That's not very nice of her. Just accept that. Don't drop to her level by badgering her to show interest in your wedding.
Just chill.
no one has to 'care' about your wedding but you and FI. i know it sounds harsh but it's true. even a parent.
so she wont pay for your dress. ok. expect nothing from her, ask her for nothing, involve her in nothing. if she chooses to be uninterested give her what she wants.
This, it will be better for you & your FI if you come to terms
with this now.
I say talk with your dad about planning your wedding. So he can't pay for things but maybe just the thought and advice he can give you will be helpful and loving. Sounds like two still have a loving relationship together and if this is the case take advantage of it. Maybe your mom will come around- maybe not but that's not for you to worry about just enjoy your day!
Sounds like your mom and sister are bitter about something but this is your day and you need to forget about what they are doing and start thinking of all the people who do love you.