Trouble in Paradise
GBCK
member
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
that didn't take long. I'm not going to C&P because it's pointless
But the fact that you deleted doesn't change the fact that he's an alcoholic.
And the fact that it wasn't a 'real' DUI and the fact that he can go weeks w/o drinking doesn't change that. http://www.essortment.com/spouse-alcoholic-40736.html
And the fact that you went on the defensive and pretending we were mean and knowing you hate the advice you got doesn't change the fact that you asked for advice and got damn good advice. It's easier to hat the advice then to step back and face reality--denial is a very powerful thing.
Get thee to al-anon for yourself. Get a therapist (not a couples counselor--although getting one of those wouldn't be bad, I mean a therapist for YOU) and look at why you're in this situation.
Re: that didn't take long. I'm not going to C&P because it's pointless
I feel sorry for her.
life with an alcoholic is no life.
When you've been married this long, you need a ticker to remind you.
Baby Boy M - 08/01/2013
Hi all--I'm sorry I deleted the post...but it is my post so I have the right to. I just felt very overwhelmed with everything people were saying. I'm not being defensive in any way, I just feel that some things could have been said a little differently. I feel like some of those posts were just making me feel worse about this. I appreciate everyone's say though.
And when I was writing that post, I wasn't looking for advice to just leave him. I honestly think that my post may have sounded ALOT worse than it really is. And I know what I just said everyone is going to say you're in denial!...but I'm not, I know the facts. But I was more so looking for advice as to if there was anything I could do before just giving up on my marriage. Everyone is just making it sound so easy to just walk away.
And don't in any way feel sorry for me, I am the one who wants to make this better.
By the way, what does "C&P" mean?
thanks
Your post I very much so appreciated because you actually had a story to it and you have been in the situation. But my situation isn't nearly as bad as yours, and I'm sorry you had to deal with that.
Is it really bad that I deleted my post though? I'm not much of a poster on here...so I guess I don't know the "rules"? But some of the other posts were just making me feel worse...so I didn't want any more posts coming in.
I did'nt get to read your original post, so sorry, no advice. I just wanted to tell you that I'm new also, but I know it's frowned upon very much when you delete a post. You posted it, people responded, so just leave it there.
TTC since September 2012
What we said was true: and our advice still remains: dump him promptly. A life with a drunk is no drunk at all
Please listen to those who have first hand experience with drunk parents or drunk Hs. They know of what they speak. GL.
It is frowned upon when someone deletes a post. People took time to give good, solid, helpful and heartfelt advice. Plus what gets me is that others could benefit from reading your post and its responses.
I did respond to your other post but had to leave for a bit and missed what was said later. Please take care of yourself. Even if you don't think it's that bad going to see a therapist and al anon will not hurt.
Don't delete again 'round these parts.
I didn't C&P because I figured you had exposed some info you may not have wanted public, but, it is REALLY bad netiquette on this board to DD (dirty delete) your post--especially when the reason is "I don't like the advice". It takes OUR posts with it.
If what you posted make things look 'worse' than it really is...I'm standing by the fact that your marriage is still in serious trouble and you're likely married to someone w/ a substance abuse problem. Denial is a powerful thing.
Get yourself some individual counseling. Regardless of what you do.
And perhaps the poster would like to expand on the advice that was already given, or edit something out, or add more.
Don't delete. It's not cool and it's an inconvenience to everybody who gave advice.
Wow! I didn't know I could get in so much trouble for deleting my post. Sorry. And my reason wasn't I don't like the advice....my reason was that I don't want people I know seeing my post. As I know many family members and friends have accounts.
I am a first time poster and don't know the "rules." Very sorry.
Then here is what you should have done:
Signed up for a new account under a pseudonym and nobody knows who your are.
I didn't read the original post - but seeing this really pulls at me.
I'm the adult child of what is called a "dry" alchol abuser. It's different from what you think of as an alchoholic. My dad can go months and months and months without touching alcohol. He doesn't crave it, he doesn't have "withdrawal" symptoms. What happens is A) He has no self-control to say NO when people invite him for drinks and
He can't STOP drinking when he starts.
My mother was never strong enough to do what she now knows she should have done years ago. I'm not saying divorce the man, but I would at least separate until he gets some intense therapy. If he is like my dad, it's not enough for him to just say "I'll do better." Because trust me, he will "do better" for a few months and the next thing you know you're crying because he's out drinking again and your 12 year old daughter is asking where Dad is and why your upset. Then he comes home and pukes on the wall. Wonderful.
My Dad has plenty of expired DUIs under his belt, and a number of "forgived" ones too.
It tears families apart - trust me. I'm 24 years old and still dealing with it. I believe in the sanctity of marriage, but alcoholics and alcohol abusers can KILL people. It's a disease and he needs help. Protect yourself - you don't have to divorce him - but maybe a separation or even an intervention.
Just don't do nothing - please. Doing nothing just hurts people.