Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
I'm not interested
Im sure this question has plagued this board numerous times but I just have to post this anyways. I'm tired of having sex with my husband. My husband would be happy with having sex several times a week, heck my husband would DEFINATELY be happy if we had sex every night. I think its been about two weeks since we have had sex and I have no interest what so ever. He is the type of man that will nag and nag for days and just drive you crazy. He always trying to put his hands down my pants or grab my chest and I just can't stand it, it makes me feel vilated. I have had some issues in the past with him and what you might call "marital rape" but finally we have been able to stop that.
Now he just nags the crap out of me until I want to pull my hair out. I feel like having sex with him is a chore or a punishment. I have very sensitive "girl parts" and usually end up with some type of yeast or bacterial infection after having sex several times. I have no problems with cuddling or rubbing my husbands hair while we watch tv but I just don't want to be touched when it comes to sex. What is wrong with me?? Any suggestions??
Re: I'm not interested
First of all, if he's putting his hands on you and groping or assaulting you, that needs to stop NOW. Any unwanted contact - whether he's your husband or not - is a violation of your body. PM me if you want to talk about it privately.
Secondly, have you always had such divergent sexual needs? It seems like he craves it much more often than you do. Did you ever have similar sexual chemistries? Or has he always been pushing and pressuring you for it?
If it used to come easier to you, and you WANT to be more sexually active with your husband, then I would talk to your gyno about what could have caused the change. I know birth control and hormonal cycles can affect these things.
However, if you have no desire to have sex with him, and no desire to try (which is ENTIRELY your perogative), then this is a conversation you have to have with your husband. I believe sexual chemistry is very important to a marriage, and if you're on completely different pages, it's not fair to either of you. You each deserve a partner who is comfortable with the level of sexuality in the relationship. If you're willing to try new things, a marriage counselor or sexual behaviorist might help. Or maybe you two could do things that aren't necessarily vaginal intercourse, but still sexual and gratifying (like oral, mutual masturbation, watching movies together, etc.). Either way, that is a conversation you need to have with your husband.
Bottom line, you shouldn't be pressured into anything you're not comfortable or happy doing. Your sexual appetite doesn't mean there's anything "wrong" with you. But I think talking to your husband about it is a good first step if you're comfortable doing that and you think he'd be receptive to it.
Im sure this question has plagued this board numerous times but I just have to post this anyways. I'm tired of having sex with my husband. My husband would be happy with having sex several times a week, heck my husband would DEFINATELY be happy if we had sex every night. I think its been about two weeks since we have had sex and I have no interest what so ever.
Bear in mind everybody is different and it's normal for passion to ebb and flow. Sometimes it ebbs more than flows.
He is the type of man that will nag and nag for days and just drive you crazy. He always trying to put his hands down my pants or grab my chest and I just can't stand it, it makes me feel vilated.
You bet your ass that you feel violated!
What is he, kidding???
As a pp pointed out, that needs to stop and stop NOW.
You have an H problem more than you've got a "I am not interested in having sex problem."
I would tell him to cut it out and if he did it again, I'd be out the door! I mean it --- he is dreadfully in the wrong and you need to immediately rethink anybody who puts his hands where they do not belong WHEN they do not belong there.
I have had some issues in the past with him and what you might call "marital rape" but finally we have been able to stop that.
UGH....leave this creep!!!! Rape is rape, whether or not you know the person and even IF the person is your partner, spouse or boyfriend.
You're funny.
TTC since September 2012
Psst, dude.....did you see this part of her post at all?
He always trying to put his hands down my pants or grab my chest and I just can't stand it, it makes me feel vilated. I have had some issues in the past with him and what you might call "marital rape" but finally we have been able to stop that.
And all you can stress is "give him oral" and don't give him any reasons to stray.
Sheesh.... are you kidding???
To the OP: He's in the wrong all the way and what this is is abuse plain, and simple.
"MUD you can't even spell violated. You sound like a lesbian, I'm surprised he doesn't have a girlfriend, he should the way you treat him"
I feel like if you believe this you should keep it to yourself. its mean and sleepyqueen came here for help and advice because she is having some rough times. criticizing her is not helping in anyway shape or form. this wasnt even my story and it hurt me to see someone write such awful things. NOBODY deserves to be cheated on and SO WHAT if someone is a lesbian. you sound very close minded and i feel so sorry for you.
so sleepyqueen you said that things after the "marital rape" have gotten better.. is that because youve talked things out. if so maybe you should try to talk out your feelings and why it is you are feeling how you do. you never know maybe with a little bit of an explanation he will be more understanding and you can relax about the pressure you feel and things could work out for the both of you.. maybe come to an agreement of sorts. as for being sensitive maybe you can try different positions or foreplay in order to relax yourself that could be part of the sensitivity you being to stressed or tense because of previous issues.
i dont think there is anything WRONG with you i feel like you feel the way you do for a reason and now its just a matter of figuring out how to change or over come those feelings.. and please dont let other people's hurtful words discourage you.i hope this was somewhat helpful im here if you need to chat.
btw how long have you been married?
She admits they've had an issue with "marital rape" and your concern would be that he will have an affair if she does not allow his continued abuse? HUH?
It would be a cold day in H*ll before that d-bag would be putting his d*ck anywhere near my mouth or anything else!
OP show him the door. Pronto.
Oh, ffs - really? This post is completely idiotic.
A git who posted here said she is surprised he doesn't have a girlfriend?
Ha --- let this ignorant pig GET himself a girlfriend and leave! The OP needs him like a damn chocolate teapot.
Some of the "rhetoric" I see on these threads slays me. And that entire comment is one of them --- what do you mean, she *sounds* like a lesbian?
I think you guys would benefit from some therapy. He clearly has serious boundary issues when it comes to sex. It's pretty clear this isn't the occasional playful butt grab. Depending on his willingness to change, this may not be a fixable issue.
I also would like to know if you ever had similar sex drives. It seems strange that you would get married if this was an issue from the start. If you used to want it more, did anything happen to change that (medications, etc)?
Also, I'm assuming that these grabs are his idea of foreplay. When you do have sex, how is it? Are your needs met?
You seem to think that your husband should simply shut off his own sexual desires because yours are shut off. Is that reasonable to expect? Certainly not. Were your marriage vows one-sided? " I promise to love you and honor you till death do us part, as long as I feel like it and if I don't feel like it you should just suffer silently and get on with it." What if you never regain your sexual desire for him? Does he have to accept a life without sex forever now? You are not being fair to him.
This is a problem, and from the sound of it, a big one. You do not seem even remotely interested in having any kind of a sexual relationship with your huband. That is immensely sad. His sexual urges and desires have so much more involved than just having an orgasm but you don't seem to understand that. Men place a great deal of importance on maintaining good sexual relations with our partners. It makes us feel confident, masculine, strong and happy when things are good. But when things are bad, it spells disaster. This goes way beyond sexual frustration. If it was just about getting a release, he can masturbate. It's more than that. He probably feels like a failure because you don't want him. He probably feels unattractive, unmanly, unwanted....a bunch of awful things. And you seem to still have concern only for yourself. Your behavior is totally unfair and you owe it to your husband and your marriage to get help.
I don't have issues dear. I think my viewpoint is certainly different from others in that everyone wants to rush to crucify the husband but marriage is 50/50. There is always another side to the story. His needs matter too. That's all I was trying to point out.
If she feels like he is mistreating her or he is abusive towards her sexually, then it's her responsibility to leave or at the very least call him out on it and tell him it has to stop. But you can't just decide one day that you don't want to have sex anymore and expect your spouse to just be cool with that. It's like if I decide to be a vegan and that means I forbid you to eat any animal products ever again because of a life choice I made for myself. She has every right to never have sex with him again if that's what she chooses. But she can't just expect him to accept that. That is not fair in any way whatsoever. If things are so bad, she needs to divorce him rather than imposing a lifestyle that dictates he can never have sex ever again.
Umm, K. I do appreciate your unique perspective and your eloquent response to my comment.
I also realize my H response to this situation is " what the hell is with girls who are with d bags?"
Not, "give him bj's till he's happy" , or "it's all your fault for not wanting sex."
My H is not perfect, but he is a man with integrity who wants his wife to want him and would rather I divorce him before he would force anything on me, or anyone else.