Sex & Romance
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
what is wrong with me
Me and my significant other have been together 4 1/2 years. We have a son who is 2. Right now sex is becoming a big issue with us. 1-2 times a month maybe 3. Of course he would have it every night if he could. I just would rather not. I mean I feel bad because before we lived together sex was not an issue it didn't become an issue until after our son. I feel like this is getting worse. I want it to get better. I want to keep him happy. I know he loves me and I love him but this is a problem that needs to be fixed ASAP. In my mind I can picture myself having it often but I can't bring my physical self to do it. Can somebody help?
Warning
No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
Re: what is wrong with me
I don't know what's in the mix here: you have been together for quite awhile and it is normal for the frequency of sex to slow down. Twice a week would probably be ideal.
There is also a child involved--- if you are a full time mother, you are probably beat from tending to the kiddo all day. No wonder you're in no mood for sex.
What you need to do:
Get a full physical checkup. Perhaps there is also a medical issue behing your disinterest in sex.
You also need to sit down --- no interruptions --- and discuss this issue with him. You both need to be frank and you need to work on this issue together.
You and he need to meet at least halfway on this issue, to a point where the both of you are satisfied with the solution. Once or twice a week would be great.
Another thought: it could also be that this relationship is running its course. Only you and he would know that for sure.
Discuss this with your partner. And work on this together. If other issues are in the mix they need to be addressed and if it turns out that your relationship is ending, do the best thing for you and the kiddo and put yourselves first. GL.
"...can picture myself having it often but I can't bring my physical self to do it..."
Why not?......what happens when he initiates?....What stops you?.....revoltion?...disgust?....anger?....resentment?.....dislike of him?.....thought of discomfort?.....not the 'sex' you want/need?....thoughts of another man(or woman)?.....boredom?....guilt of some kind?....inadequacy?......body issues?.....embarassment?.....thin walls?......What exactly?
This is my question. Do you not have any desire? When he does how do you feel?
sorry for the duplicate post, not sure why that happened.
My FI and I are very open about our sexual relationship and I think that has helped us clear up miscommunications in the past. You need to be honest with him about your desire, how you feel, etc. Also, one thing my FI told me and I have heard from friends as well, men like to feel wanted also. This may be why he is leaving initiating sex up to you. Every relationship goes through cycles also, you may have gone from having sex everyday to once a week, to where you are at now, what you need to identify is what is causing that fluxuation. Is it your schedule, stress, relationship issues outside the bedroom, etc.
Ultimately you need to figure out what works best for you two by communicating! You can't just sweep this problem under the rug. A healthy intimate relationship with your partner can strengthen your relationship overall.
You don't desire him now, what makes you think you will desire him after marriage? And why would you want to marry someone you don't desire?