In-Laws

HouseSpouse

For the first year of our marriage I thought I hit the in-law jackpot! I still do in a lot of ways but I feel like I get aggravated with my MIL constantly now. We live across town from them which is a pretty good distance in this city, but they still want us to come over every weekend and visit. And the favors they ask of us... Oh my gosh the favors are getting out of control. I'm a nice person and happy to help out, but I feel like a slave!!

 

Like just today she asked me to drive across town in rush hour traffic to set a bag inside of their house that would be sitting outside because they won't be home until tomorrow. Really? That would be a 2 hour commute! For a bag!? I sad no and feel bad about it.

I'm sure I'm overreacting here. But I just needed to vent. I'm not the only one, right??

volleygurl0306

I think that would bother me for 2 hours unless whatever was in the bag was really valuable (which then why was it left outside). I get along with my ILs as well but I think everyone gets irritated by their own parents and when you get along with your ILs it is like having two sets of parents with this weird love-annoyance relationship (or even when they irritate H and I think he's overreacting, it still messes up my day because I have a cranky H!).   I would just maybe set some boundaries.  Can you compromise to every other weekend going to visit?  Are the well enough to come visit you sometimes?  Can you meet half way for a dinner or even an event?  Also, last minute favors are optional regardless of who they are for.  You have other obligations that you can't ignore sometimes.  I don't think it is out of line to say, if you need a favor on the weekend, we'll do our best to make it happen but during the week is just too hectic for us to be in the car for 2 hours so if you have requests like that, it would help if you could just reach out to a neighbor.  They may not have thought of it as a 2 hour ordeal since it sounds simple.  And, if they are removed from a hectic work week because they are retired they may forget what it is like.  You can politely remind without becoming a doormat or being rude and messing up your relationship.  GL!

littlemisswitness

I know exactly how you feel! My ILs are super amazing but sometimes MIL can really get on my nerves!!

Latest example: we both shop at the flea market for our produce. yesterday she texted me and told me she got 10 pounds of potatoes and I could have most of them if I would pick them up that night if I needed them for dinner. I replied, "Thanks, but I won't need any until at least this weekend. I can swing by on the way to church Thursday night and get them. Thanks again!" She replied "Well, I really don't have room for them. Can you come get them tonight?" By this time it was almost 9:00 at night! I was tired from a long day and already in my PJs!! I politely said "No, I can't tonight, sorry I can get them on my way to work on Thursday if that's better for you?" Again she said "Well.. I guess just get them before church. Sorry to bug you, I thought you cooked them a lot."

I didn't respond but, really?!?! UGH- my advice to you, take it all with a grain of salt and remind yourself how awesome they are on a daily basis. As one PP put it- it's a weird love/annoyance relationship when you have super duper inlaws.

3LittleBirds12

You are not the only one.  I do love my MIL, but she is a bit of a drama queen.  For example, if we forget to call her one week, she will purposely AVOID our phone calls the next few weeks; as if to teach us a lesson.   She is also not shy about asking people for help/favors.  Oh, and when she gets upset with her son, guess who gets the guilt trip?  Me!  It puts me in a very awkward position.  Anyway, it is hard to say no sometimes because we want to be "good dauthers-in-law" but at the same time, we should not get walked all over on.  

Good for you, saying no!

jhaley3077

3LittleBirds12:

You are not the only one.  I do love my MIL, but she is a bit of a drama queen.  For example, if we forget to call her one week, she will purposely AVOID our phone calls the next few weeks; as if to teach us a lesson.   She is also not shy about asking people for help/favors.  Oh, and when she gets upset with her son, guess who gets the guilt trip?  Me!  It puts me in a very awkward position.  Anyway, it is hard to say no sometimes because we want to be "good dauthers-in-law" but at the same time, we should not get walked all over on.  

Good for you, saying no!

 

I get this from my MIL also. I finally told her I didnt mind getting the brunt of it if I was the cause of it but she should take it up with her son or whom ever she was mad at instead of me. I thought she would be upset with me over it but she didnt even realise she was taking it out on me until I said something to her.

HelloGoodFriend

Oh my, I know exactly how you feel; to a tee!! DH and I have been together for 4 years and married for a little over a month.  I thought I was so fortunate to have the kind of in-laws I do.  They're caring, friendly, loving and affectionate.  More than I can say for a lot of my friends' in-laws. But these passed few months MIL has been getting on my last nerve; almost on a daily basis.  The in-laws expect us to go over 1-2 times every week and that is more than I can handle. I always feel so bad for thinking this way especially after we have dinner with them because she is so sweet when we are together. I can only imagine how much more overwhelming it's going to get once we have a baby.