Sex & Romance
ShelbiLynnJones
member
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Maybe I could use some advice?
My
Re: Maybe I could use some advice?
I think you should concentrate on raising your baby. Your relationship with this guy isn't worth saving in my opinion. Sorry.
I have no advice on your insecurities. You sound pretty young, so hopefully you will gain some esteem and wisdom as you get older. Good luck.
TTC since September 2012
This is some paragon of virtue -- why is he bothering with supposedly ex drug users? Was he one also?? I am beginning to think so.
That in itself, if he used drugs? (emits low whistle) Run fast and run FAR and start NOW.
I don't think you should count on this guy as a husband -- everybody in this scenario sounds quite quite young. Give yourself some time to grow up.
If I wsere you, I'd give the ring back and tell him goodbye for good -- and, like a PP said, concentrate on raising your child.
Call a moratorium on dating --- no dates at all, no male company, not even a bona fide male friend -- for a year -- and figure out what it is in life YOU want.
This guy also needs better judgement. His is zero right now.
His judgement is very limited and shallow. He's got no business with people who use drugs.
This is shadiness and he sounds kind of shady himself. I think you should say goodbye to this guy.
See an attorney for child support issues and child visitation issues.
Consider this, too: he will not magically drop this bunch of shady druggie "friends' after you are married: they will be a permanent part of the scene. Do you want that? I think not.
You also have no reassurance that they are clean and sober with the help of a counselor or NarcAnon.
20 is far far far too young to get married.
And bringing a kid into the mix minus a solid marriage under your belts? not a good idea.
Your relationship was never a solid one to begin with: shaky and problem laden; the problems are still there.
Geezos, he's SUPPOSED to have exes! he's 20! he's still supposed to be dating, just like you, and having his ups and downs and finding out what life is about.
And if you "needed" to ascertain that you were the only woman in his life? Well, that tells you the whole story right there: this is not the guy for you.
I do not see what's so good about this relationship at all.
His judgement is questionable, even if these "friends" are long gone -- what person with common sense wants drug users as friends?
I'm still all for handing back the ring and saying goodbye to this guy. 20 is way too young for a lifetime commitment; you also need a solid financial footing and a nest egg saved up.
Say goodbye to this guy. And give considerable thought to calling a moratorium on dating anybody for a good long while.
I think some of the advice here might be a little strong. You are 20 and yes that is young. It doesn't mean you can't or shouldn't work things out or need to take a break from men. Just be ready for a more immature mind set... on both of your parts. you'll understand this 5 - 10 years down the line.
I don't fully understand the biggest complaint of yours which was him talking about his previous sexual experiences around friends. Are the friends he's discussing this with in front of you the previous drug users, because in another post you say no, but then why is he bringing up his past to new people? First of all, I think this is down right rude on his part, especially in front of other people! He needs to stop this now, he's not going to look cool in front of anyone, which I'm sure is what he's trying to do and where his immaturity comes into play. Plus he's only 20...he sounds pretty sexually experienced for a 20 year old, especially if he was with you much of this time...he's probably lying or exaggerating about half of it. If he's right and you are doing the same, you are no better and need to knock it off too. Guys respond differently to all reactions, so cry, scream at him, threaten to leave, have a rational conversation, whatever, but you need to make him understand how that hurts you. If he continues, the guy is an immature jerk and ditch him.
Regarding the other stuff, relationships are hard. It takes more than love to make them work... you need communication, forgiveness, compromise, and understanding. You need to figure out if you have that or can gain that with him. If not, ditch him as the others said.
Baby Boy loved for 15 weeks, 5/31/11
Baby Girl loved for 16.5 weeks. 3/1/12
You're 20 with a 17 month old baby. I say this again in the most sincere way. Just leave that boy alone and concentrate on raising your baby and discovering who you are. If I married the douche I was dating when I was 20, my life would be in ruins, and I thought I was so in love.
I agree with PP, u don't need to be thinking about a fiance or husband right now. Give yourself some time to grow up.
TTC since September 2012
Another very excellent reason to run like hell from this little douchebag.
He isn't responsible. He's a FATHER, ffs and he does what?
Leave him immediately. Nothing more to say.
You might think you love him but now that you have a child, you HAVE to be mature and responsible, this guy doesn't sound like the best catch, he's young and hasn't even figured himself out, I suggest getting your life organized, go to college and stick to it so you can give your child a more comfortable life financially someday. I understand it might be hard to cut ties with him but you will be happier in the long run.
His past shouldn't matter, you will meet men from all different walks of life, it's who the person is now, how they treat you that should matter, not how many women they slept with. Over time, you will realize that's not that important. Look forward, not backward and concentrate on yourself and your child.
It all sounds a bit up and down and confusing.
You should take a step back and think about what you want for yourself as a person, Being in love isnt the answer to be all end all, It sounds like your bf has a lot of growing up to do.
Maybe if you moved out with your child and got help from other family members to give you support, it will make your BF realize that there is a lot of growing up to do and being a father is more important than the games that seem to be played..
good luck
I think age has nothing to do with it. I got married when i was 18 and had known the man for 3 months. This december, it will be the 2 year mark and we have an amazing marriage. You just need to take a step back and find out what you want in your life. Do what you believe in your heart is right. If you love him, who is to say you shouldn't be with him?? I love my husband, but many people said that we shouldn't be together or that it wouldn't last, and it has. Trust and follow your heart.