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MIL nightmare for newlyweds (long)
I got married back in September, but we more or less eloped. We had worked together for over a year, then once I left that job, we started dating. A few months after that we decided we wanted to get married, and a month later we were at the courthouse with our closest friends--and his parents (mine live on the opposite side of the country).
His mother doesn't like me, first of all. And I guess that's partially because she barely knows me. But my dad has met my husband once, my mom not at all, and they both love and accept him entirely! Yet his mom has directly told him that she doesn't like me. She won't even talk to me, and at our reception she called me by his ex's name (apparently she couldn't even get his ex's name right until he and I started dating, then she was all my MIL wanted to talk about).
His mom and dad are both unemployed right now due to health reasons, and they live 2 hours away from us. I'm in grad school with a (barely) paid internship, and he's a cook at a restaurant, and so right now we're exactly breaking even on our bills. Yet every week his mom calls or FB messages him DEMANDING we send her money. And he's told her time and time again that we would love to help, but we're just starting out and we don't have any money right now. But apparently that's not an acceptable answer.
And to top it all off, even though she doesn't like me, she will NOT quit asking my husband when we're going to have kids. We've both agreed that we want to wait a few years, take some time to enjoy being together, wait for me to finish with school, etc. And we're not even sure that I'm able to carry a child due to health issues. Yet she's so persistent. It's hard enough to stay steadfast in the fact that we need to wait, we both want kids so badly. But it's best for our relationship and for a baby that we wait a few years for some stability.
His mom is just incredibly stressful and rude, and he keeps brushing it aside like it's not a big issue. It's incredibly frustrating. Advice? I didn't mean for this to be so long...
Re: MIL nightmare for newlyweds (long)
This
TTC since September 2012
This sounds like a huge, fat mess.
Advice?
Get this silly marriage annulled. You focus on getting through grad school and getting a job, let your boyfried focus on getting his own crap together, and go back to dating each other until you BOTH grow up.
Maybe in a few years, once you are both grown up, his mother won't be an issue anymore because your boyfriend will have grown some balls and will have the ability to tell her to shut up.
And please, for the love of God, stay steadfast in your decision to wait to have kids. Because that's just about the last thing that you two need to do right now. Your future kids deserve better than a couple of young, nitwit parents who are barely able to pay their bills.
THIS!!!!
.... How old are you two?.....
Are you out of your freaking mind?!?
This is OP's bio you get when you click on her name:
I'm a 22 year old math graduate student named Katie, and I recently married the only man who can always make me smile. We live in rural south Georgia and our baby's name is Turing. He's a beautiful 9 month old pest with lots of blonde fur and a cold wet nose. In my "free" time (HA!) I like to run, and read, and spend time with friends. Our life is busy and not always easy, but I wouldn't change a single thing about it!
So she's 22, marrying someone she barely knows. If that doesn't scream stability, I don't know what does!
Your MIL is having trouble adjusting to her "baby" getting married and being replaced as his nuclear family. It sounds like he's doing a good job of keeping her at bay with her demands for money - which bodes well for him being able to set boundaries for the two of you. I would follow his lead on this one. His mom is acting nutso right now, so for the sake of any kind of relationship you and his ma might have down the road - ask him to shield you from her until she adjusts. Nothing you do is going to make her like you, b/c she doesn't like the situation. It's not personal. Keep enough of a distance that you can still be nice and personable with her and do nice things for her to show some good will. And don't take it personally if she rejects you. If you stay out of the drama she's creating and maintain a good-natured smile on your face, it will go a long way toward having a bitter-free relationship with her when she's started to grasp that her "baby" is no longer her baby.
Since your parents are more accepting, start building your H's relationship with them. These are all very, very longterm relationships. "Fixing" one issue doesn't make the whole relationship good. It's just a step in the never-ending escalator of building a relationship with everyone. You can avoid getting frustrated if you don't focus too much on any one thing that she's done. Keep your eyes on the big picture - which is that in 5 years (or whenever) things will be different, she'll still be in your life, and you'll want some amicable help when you start having kids.